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I’ve been a member my whole life, was raised in SE Idaho and now live in the northwest. I’ve tried to be faithful but have never seemed to be a believer. Prayer has been difficult and finally I just gave up on it never having had what I’d call an answer. Serioius doubts started over 30 years ago when my first wife came home from the library with a copy of Annie Clark Tanner’s autobiography, A Mormon Mother. I’d never looked into polygamy and it’s effects before and it was and continues to be more than a little troubling for me. From there it was just a matter of problems with church history, the Books of Abraham and Moses and other things that have slowly put me in a corner as far as belief goes. I went through a short period about 7 years ago of concerted effort at activity with a lot of temple attendance but it didn’t take. On the surface I’m active, hold a calling, pay tithing and still have a recommend but church, especially if I have to teach, is more and more difficult all the time. I attend a small episcopal church nearby sometimes because at a bad time in my life some friends that are episcopalian took me in. I find a lot of comfort in the liturgy and feel a sense of worship there but it’s just not my culture so I want to find a way to stay LDS and and be part of the church if I can. Mostly I’d like to have people that I can talk to without having to feel on guard all the time about things. So, I guess that’s my story and I appreciate being able to be here. Welcome, GB. I really enjoy your participation at MM and am glad you’ve joined us here. Welcome to the board! Glad you found us. 
Welcome to your community. I hope you find this a good place to talk through some of these things. Hi GB, Welcome to this great board. I have found the posts here so helpful in feeling like I could stay LDS and be who I am. I find teaching very difficult as well. I love to teach and I’m not scared to teach but I especially find certain doctrines difficult because I may have deep questions about them and I feel hypocritical teaching the lessons. So far, since my faith crisis, I’ve only been asked to teach the family and marriage class which I can shape to fit my own perspectives. When I first began to question things, I was a Relief Society teacher and had the teach the teachings of Joseph Smith. That was rough. There was so much dissonance in my mind. I hope you will be able to come to peace. This board is a great place to seek help.
Canadiangirl
Thanks, everyone. I’m not sure I’ll have much to say but it’s good to have a safe place to say it. Canadiangirl, I’ve always enjoyed teaching too but and I feel good when a lesson goes well but I feel like I have to avoid or shade things in order to not feel like a hypocrite. The Sunday School lessons at the first of the year were hard since so much was taken for he PoGP but we’re passed that now. Anyway, thanks again. Welcome, GB. Great to see you here! Welcome, GB!! Hope you find a little of what you’re looking for here. Welcome GB. I also have enjoyed your comments over at MM. Great to have you here. Welcome GB. The thing that has helped me with this forum is being able to openly express things and work through issues based on others’ perspectives and experiences. I honestly believe now, there is a way to stay LDS, yet remain completely honest with myself that specific things in the church don’t sit right with me. And I don’t think there has to be a “all or nothing” approach to the faith…but there do need to be some coping mechanisms because I bump into people every week that completely disagree with me, or at least make me feel that is unacceptable…and I can now deal with that an not let it interfere with my personal spiritual journey. I hope you find the same. Thanks for joining.
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