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I am so glad I found this site. A little back story about myself. My parents were on and off inactive, they divorced when I was 18, and my mom and sister are no longer members of the church, and my dad is still very devout. I became inactive at 16, when I was 18 I met my RM husband, and I just knew that he was the one. Even though I wanted to wait till I was older it just felt so right so were were married when I was 19. I am 26 now and we have 3 kids. Recently I have been wondering what I believe, and so many things about the church does not sit well with me. I have been trying to turn a blind eye to it, but I can’t help but admit that I don’t know if the church is true, some things seem to be against my very core values, and it has just never sat well with me. I have always felt like a sinner, or an outsider for that reason, even though outwardly I fit right in, and I walk the walk. I have had some recent adversity, and because of that it has made me question who I am, and do I want to keep on going like I am with the church. I figured if I just did what I was supposed to do, it would come in time. It never really came, and through many months of wondering, pushing it out of my mind, wondering some more I talked to my mom. She said she was so much happier and lighter since leaving the church. I decided maybe it was not for me, I had it drilled in my head it was all right or all wrong. So I decided that was that, only I never took off my garment, I still went to church, I still did my Mormon thing. I couldn’t imagine letting go, cutting ties with family that would be sad, dissapointing people, not being apart of the community. Even thought I felt so bad for never being good enough to just accept it, not question it, ignore my feeling, I still didn’t want to let go. All my thinking was so black and white, if I questioned the prophet, I must not believe, or must be a sinner. I came across this site, and read the main article on staying LDS. I was so happy I found a middle way, that I could still be a member but not believe all aspects presented to me. Looking back I am not so sure why I had it in my mind so firmly that it was so black and white. I think when you are told it is the one and only true church you begin to think in absolutes. If it is not the one and only then it is wrong. I feel there is room now to be spiritual, I never felt spiritual before, I never really felt good enough. I am glad to meet you all!
Welcome. I’m glad you found us, as well. I felt the same way when I found this site. Inside, we really do not want to throw the baby out with the bathe water. We do not want to loose all that is good because of our doubts or for what we think is wrong about the church and its leaders. I think everything is a mixed bag and like the admonision of Paul, “Prove all things and hold fast to that which is good,” is a good policy. You can’t go wrong if you hold on to your faith in Christ and try to emulate him. Bridget Welcome Brynngal! Thanks for reminding me of that verse Bridget, it is one of my favorites also!
Welcome Brynngal, Thanks for sharing the story of your journey. Welcome to the community.
Welcome, brynngal!! Sounds like you may have found a great place to share.
Welcome, brynngal. I was very happy to read your post. It is very nice to see others finding joy in letting go of the old binary thinking and embracing the nuance and paradox of the middle way. I am glad the internet affords us each the opportunity to interact with each other and receive needed support. Tom
Welcome! Our culture tends to perpetuate the myths of absolute thinking. It is not just in the church either. Just look around at the current political mayhem over healthcare and it is easy to see that this is more a human trait than a church fault. Look forward to reading your thoughts!
Euhemerus wrote:Just look around at the current political mayhem over healthcare and it is easy to see that this is more a human trait than a church fault.
Great point, you engineer, you!
bridget_night wrote:Inside, we really do not want to throw the baby out with the bathe water.
This is exactly how I felt (and used the same words with my DH). This site is great for someone who wants to continue having the things about Mormonism that is dear to them with out being forced to accept everything taught. It is OK to think for ourselves, that is not a sin, nor is disagreeing with something either.
I hope you find your peace, Welcome.
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