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Thank you everyone. I’m just trying to figure out what to do now. I’ve actually been dealing with this for a couple months before finding this forum, so I’m on the backside. I’m fairly calm about it. I just don’t know what I need to do to
1. resolve these intellectual problems
2. gain a testimony that makes me want to serve a mission
3. talk to my parents about any of this.
They don’t know anything about my recent struggles or doubts. They probably don’t know my 120 mark has passed, or that I don’t know if I’m serving or not.
I’m just trying to figure out what’s next for me.
Talking to your loved ones and friends can be tough because they likely won’t take it well (although I don’t know your parents or their status). The advice I give to not dump all at once applies to the situation – when you decide to share with them ( and if you do), don’t just dump all of your concerns on them. Try to gauge the situation and share the most concerning thing without much detail unless they are reacting well and want more. Focusing on what you do believe also applies. You do see the good in the church and you do believe some of it. As always, testimonies are very personal. I can’t give you a testimony, and neither can anyone else. Frankly I can’t even tell you how to get one because how we get our testimonies is just as unique as each of our testimonies. My personal take is that you have to serve a mission because you want to, not because someone else wants you to. On the other hand, part of the reason for serving is to grow (and in some cases establish) a testimony (in other words it’s not necessarily about converting others, it may be about converting yourself).
Resolving your concerns is also personal and probably the area we can help most on – but the resolution may not be what you expect.
We’re here as sounding boards and we can support you, but you have to do most of the work yourself. May you find the peace you seek.
Don’t feel pressured to go on a mission. Don’t be disappointed if a few months from now, you still haven’t developed yourself a testimony or mindset that leads you to want to go on a mission. A testimony is something that is always developing, sometimes growing, sometimes withering, sometimes changing in definition and form completely. A testimony does not always lead to a mission, but it can help while on a mission ifyou determine that a mission is an experience meant for you. A mission is very difficult, and it will be even more so if you don’t truly want to be there in your heart, mind, and soul. Speaking honestly from the standpoint of a nurse mission specialist in training, I’d rather you stayed home and accomplished great things outside the Church or in your local Church community than go on a mission and potentially encounter the anxiety, anger, and depression some missionaries who were “forced” to be there end up facing. From what I’ve seen, it is unfortunately a far worse stigma to be sent home early from a mission than to never go at all; it shouldn’t be that way, but it is.
No one but two of my extremely close (non-Mormon) friends, my (inactive and no longer believing Mormon) older sister, and the people here on the forum know that I am a very unorthodox Mormon going on a mission. I don’t think I’ll ever tell my parents, because I know what they believe, and my differing beliefs won’t change them or me, and it likely won’t matter at all until maybe I get married (if ever), and I am perfectly happy with that. It’s up to you if you want to talk to your parents, but I second what DJ said in being careful. Once you say something to someone, you won’t be able to take it back. And once you get started, it might be difficult to reign it in (mileage will vary).
I don’t know if it will work for you, but when I was initially considering going on a mission two or three years ago, I didn’t give myself a definite date, and I just took it one semester at a time. Initially, it was if I didn’t get into nursing school, then I would go on a mission. Then once I got into nursing school, it became if I complete my BSN and don’t find a companion for marriage, then I would go on a mission. Then I had an opportunity for more schooling in a new field, and I would go after completing that degree. Then I received a job offer and thought, I’ll work just one year to save money. And then finally, things fell into place, and it just felt like the right time to go. If I wasn’t going, though, I have at least three or four very viable alternatives.
What I’m saying is, if you don’t go on a mission, then I offer the advice often repeated here: always trade up.
And to add to that, always trade up and leave yourself alternatives you can be happy with if they end up coming true.
West wrote:Don’t be disappointed if a few months from now, you still haven’t developed yourself a testimony or mindset that leads you to want to go on a mission.
I love reading West’s views! So spot on.For most people, testimonies build and build as you move forward not knowing if you have the testimony. So many missionaries really get their testimony while serving, instead of some big revelation prior to living it. And that’s scary to know how to make choices when it takes that faith.
It comes down to what you feel in your heart. Let your soul guide you. Listen to what your heart is telling you. Then…whether you go or not is fine and can work for you either way.
I’m planning on speaking to the professor again sometime this week. Last time he said he never discouraged students to keep looking and reading, so that’s what I’ve done. One thing that’s really bothered me is the monetary/economic system supposedly instituted among the Nephites (Alma 11), where it specifically gives values to gold and silver in comparison to barley. For a population the size described in the book of Mormon, there should be (at minimum) several hundred thousand such pieces abounding in the New World, not to mention that barley didn’t exist in the New World at the time, or any sign of a battle that killed hundreds of thousands with armor and steel weapons at Hill Cumorah. Plus the geography doesn’t seem to make any sense.
This week I’m also going to talk to my parents, letting them know I’m struggling with the decision about a mission and testimony and just need some time to figure things out.
If my son told me that I’d be fine – I love him and it’s his life and his decisions. My wife might react differently, but she has come a long way. Just don’t dump on your parents all at once, keep it simple, let them know you love and respect them and you’re the same sweet boy you always have been. And let them know you do believe. As to the Book of Mormon, maybe you’re taking it a bit too literally. Jesus taught many things in parables while He lived on the earth. If Jesus was the God of the Old testament (and I can believe that He was), he very well could have taught the same way then. That is, the OT stories could be just that – stories to illustrate a point. Yes, there are some historical things in the OT, but even the Jews do not necessarily believe it is all factually historical. Three days in a fish’s belly, parting the Red Sea, and the walls of Jericho work much better for me as parables or moralistic (faith promoting?) stories than they do as literal events. Literal or not, I think I get the same message from each of those stories as anyone else and the same kind of messages I get from the parable of the good Samaritan and the parables of the lost coin and sheep and prodigal son (none of which actually happened). Then, if the Book of Mormon is
anothertestament of Jesus Christ (and I believe it could be), would the same not hold true for it? Is it not possible it is at least in part a parables/moralistic/faith promoting stories? Does it have to be all literal to be true? If so, why are the parables given such weight when we teach? Is it not possible that the Book of Mormon was inspired by God, but none of it actually occurred? Is it not also possible that some of it is historical (like the OT) and some isn’t? My parents called to talk and I ended up talking about my situation right now. I told them that I’ve been praying for months and searching for answers, reading books and talking to a professor here, that I had a lot of doubts about the Book of Mormon and church history but didn’t talk about anything specific. I also told them that I knew it was my decision to serve a mission and had to come from me, and I wanted to come to an answer. They were extremely supportive and it took a weight off my chest, that they love me and support me no matter which way I choose. So I’m not going to rush anything now. If I come to a testimony in time to serve this summer, I’ll go ahead and submit my papers. If not, I’ll keep working at it and attend school for another year.
DarkJedi, thanks for that. That’s probably a good way to look at the Book of Mormon, I’ll keep that in mind as I continue to read the scriptures and research.
Glad it went well with your parents. I assume that probably feels a bit better. That is fantastic for you. I bet you are walking with a lighter step. Keep us posted – good days and bad. Your good days are our good days. :clap: I’m glad you talked to your parents and that they are supportive. Support and understanding from family and friends goes a long way in situations like yours. You are now in a better position to take it slow. My view of the BoM is mine, you can’t have it!
I’m glad to hear you had a positive experience with your parents. :thumbup: That’s great to hear! Hopefully that relieves some stress on your mind and you can focus on what you need to.
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