Help me change my thinking

[Anonymous]

If you believe the prosperity model, it is more likely to see it come to fruition. Faith is a powerful thing.

But sometimes that just doesn’t seem like the most noble thing to have faith in.

[Anonymous]

mom3 wrote:

SD – Your request was “Help me change my thinking.”

We can’t. No one can. No one ever changes someone else’s mind. We are the only ones who change our thinking. Even when we change our mind, we let something in to change it.

I didn’t ask you to change my mind. I asked you to help me change my mind.

Quote:

As I have read your replies – three pages of thoughts have not bumped you in any way. That is okay. We all walk away unscathed from the effort. But you really didn’t want your mind changed. You want someone else’s mind changed. The Church, Your Wife, Us, Religious History? – I can’t say. All I know is as I read each of your responses I hear no Hmmm? I will think about that.

I’m not in full agreement with that I wasn’t open to reason. I’ve learned that I can’t change anyone’s mind, but I can help them see other perspectives when they ask for help in that direction. I don’t really want to change anyone’s mind really — I’ve accepted the church for what it is. So that part of your supposition isn’t correct– There will be no satisfaction in trying to get Mormon culture and policy to change, or my family’s mindset (which I accept). My daughter will go through the temple without me, and we have already decided we are good with that. My wife may join her as well.

I would caution against making assumptions about people’s motives though. We all have hunches, but to express them in the absence of data can be dangerous, in my opinion.

Quote:

My friend your answer is cement for the time being. Perhaps you should discover who or what the real challenge is? It’s not the principle that’s getting you. Donating is not your issue. You need to find your root struggle. Good luck.

Perhaps that I’d like it to be like in the good ole days when there was a certain amount of comfort that came out of paying tithing? That the church experience was worth it? That the tension of being active yet not in full compliance is stressful at times? Other than that , I’ve got nuthin’ that shores up your theory on this one, although I appreciate knowing what you are thinking.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for clarification.

Lesson Learned. No posting until after drinking green smoothie.

[Anonymous]

SD, I am not going to try to help you change your thinking, but I am going to empathize and share why I too have a hard time with tithing lately. Tithing is not a financially difficult decision for me right now. I earn a generous income at this point in my life and frankly, it doesn’t even feel like much of a sacrifice to pay tithing.

However, I do not support the church in all its policies – specifically having a VERY hard time with the stance on LGBT issues. I also have a hard time understanding how underwhelming the Church’s humanitarian efforts are, especially compared to other denominations. I also don’t care much for the disclaimer at the bottom of a tithing slip that tells me if I choose to donate to other areas (i.e., humanitarian) that there is no guarantee that money will go to the cause I specify. In the end, I don’t feel comfortable at this point in my life contributing financially to an institution with values that I currently disagree with so strongly.

So right now, to be true to my own personal sense of integrity, I have decided not to pay tithing. But my wife as a devout TBM wants to be a full tithe payer and doesn’t have an income. Our compromise is we split each paycheck down the middle pre-tax and she pays a full tithe on half. I take the other half and try to find a charity that I want to support that month. I’ve just started doing this and I love it. I feel so much more charitable, even though I’m contributing the same amount. If anyone has any suggestions on good and worthwhile charities please share.

So, SD, that is what I currently feel good with. And furthermore, having a current TR is not important to me right now. This may change in the future, but for now I actually don’t want to attend the temple for so many reasons that are beyond the topic of this thread.

[Anonymous]

I respect DTs approach and the thought behind it.

Love it.

I also like to hear how you can come to a peaceful place of compromise. That is kind. :thumbup:

[Anonymous]

DoubtingTom wrote:

So right now, to be true to my own personal sense of integrity, I have decided not to pay tithing. But my wife as a devout TBM wants to be a full tithe payer and doesn’t have an income. Our compromise is we split each paycheck down the middle pre-tax and she pays a full tithe on half. I take the other half and try to find a charity that I want to support that month. I’ve just started doing this and I love it. I feel so much more charitable, even though I’m contributing the same amount. If anyone has any suggestions on good and worthwhile charities please share.

So, SD, that is what I currently feel good with. And furthermore, having a current TR is not important to me right now. This may change in the future, but for now I actually don’t want to attend the temple for so many reasons that are beyond the topic of this thread.

My wife wants to pay so she can go through the temple for what appears to be a rather sudden wedding for my daughter. I said fine. That is enough for me right now. I give to a 501 (c ) 3 charity I started. We beautify parts of the city in which we live. I use it to give high performing students and opportunity to get seasoned mentorship, a formal title in their field, and experience. When we need something, I normally just make a donation and pay for it. That’s enough for me right now.

I do have a teenage, disabled son who does not care for his condition in spite of our parental pleas and intervention. He will likely see complications that will be expensive to manage in the future. I don’t see the church helping us with that financial burden, and wouldn’t ask even if they would help. So, I think this unusual burden we carry is another place to put money aside so my son can have the medical attention and care he needs, even in adulthood. I will likely sit on the steps outside the temple when my daughter is married as she doesnt’ want me to just pay to get the TR and then fall off the map. So, I guess I’ll just have to bite the bullet on that one.

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