Help me make sense of this

[1gentlespirit]

Ok, I am trying to wrap my brain around something, maybe you can help. My first husband and I were sealed in the temple. We divorced. He and I both remarried. He remarried in the temple, I did not. Now as far as I have been able to find out, he was only granted a clearance, not a cancellation from our sealing. So our sealing is still valid then right? I don’t want to put to much thought into that because I can hardly stomach the idea of spending eternity with first husband and his new bride. :wtf:

Anyways, moving on…my current DH had a temple marriage with his first wife and has since become inactive and was disfellowshipped. He is in no hurry to get his TR back.

This is where I get confused. For me to go back and renew my temple covenants what exactly am I renewing and with whom am I renewing them? Ex husband who I am sealed to? or DH who I am not? Who am I covenanting to obey and be a queen/priestess to in the eternities? My exaltation is contingent upon my EX HUSBANDS obedience and faithfulness?? SMH

Or, am I supposed to be obedient to my current husband and follow his council even though he is not currently being obedient himself? If and when he does get his TR back, then am I supposed to hearken unto him, but then still be at the mercy of my Ex’s faithfulness? I’m so confused. I just need to know who I should be hearkening to 🙄 . I am making a little light of this, yes, but I am also a little serious. I am SOOOOOO tired of the typical “oh it will work itself out in the next life” answer.

[Anonymous]

I know it is serious. Have you asked your bishop what he thinks?

I think a lot of the answers to your questions depend greatly on your point of view. How literal do you think the sealing process is? How do relationships work in heaven with sealings or without sealings?

In your heart, what do you think a loving God wants for you in Eternity to be happy?

I think your example is a good one that shows that real life is complex and nuanced. Sometimes the simple gospel message is clean and simple, but we have to know how to adapt the ideal standard or symbols into our real lives to make them meaningful to us.

[Anonymous]

Heber13 wrote:

In your heart, what do you think a loving God wants for you in Eternity to be happy?

This is a great answer.

For me – it was dealing with the stillbirth of our daughter.

The church does not have any position on whether she “counts” as a member of our family and does not perform or recognise any ordinances for her.

Over time I have encountered several ways that other people have been able mentally process this – from “she is sealed to our hearts” to “she will get a second chance to come to earth as a sibling.”

We are accustomed to having the church tell us how things work in heaven and what we need to do to get the best result. It is quite a paradigm change to search it out in your heart and arrive at an answer that is right for you personally. Two people can get different answers about the situation and both be right (at least about the approach that will work best within their mental framework. The jury is still out on what relation any of this has on the eternities.)

As an aside – I very much chafe at the idea that a temple sealing with a relative stranger might trump a lifetime of love, devotion, and “becoming one” with a civilly married spouse.

[Anonymous]

In situations like these, I think about what I would do if I was in this life, coming from a premortal life in which the relationships like yours evolved. IN other words, ask, what would I do if this conundrum existed in this earthly life?

I’d first work out who wants to be with who, and I would lay down my own terms. First, I’m not sharing. Its monogamy for me. If my current husband wanted me to participate in a plural marriage — I’m leaving and getting my own place. I’ll find someone else to be with who is free and also wants monogamy — regardless of their sealed relaionship. Second, no one can force me to stay in a relationship I don’t want. And that must be true in the eternities as there will be free agency there too.

As they say, the same sociality that exists here, exists there — in the eternities.

And we will have agency, I believe. Too much hooplah was made out of the sacrifices God made to preserve agency of mankind. i don’t think he’ll force us to give that up in the eternities, perhaps beyond accepting our punishments or rewards, if they exist.

So, what would you do if that web of “legal” relationships existed in this life? Where would you live, who would you live with, and how would you deal with husbands that still want to live with ex-wives?

I think the answer to those questions is your answer about what will happen in the eternities.

[Anonymous]

I know it gets frustrating sometimes, to some people, to hear, “God will sort it all out in the end” – but that has great power for me and provides great peace. That is true for one reason, and only one reason:

If there is a God, and if God is anything like I want God to be, things will be sorted out in the end in whatever way will bring me true happiness and peace – even if that is different in some way from how things will be sorted out for someone else.

I want to be with my wife and only my wife. I have never loved anyone else, and I believe I never will. I know people, however, who have loved more than one spouse – passionately and equally – and can’t imagine losing either one eternally. Fine. I have no idea, really, how everything will be sorted out after this life, but I hold onto faith (hope in the unseen) that I will be happy with the result – as will you – as will each of us – no matter how many different models of happiness it takes for that to happen.

I have learned to let go of the anxiety that can accompany thinking about the next life and simply leave it in God’s hands. I think they (He and She) will understand – and so will we, at that point.

[Anonymous]

1gentlespirit wrote:

I am making a little light of this, yes, but I am also a little serious.

I have a response in similar fashion – somewhat lighthearted – somewhat serious. Perhaps there is “neither marriage, nor giving in marriage in the eternities but all are as the angels.” (Jesus paraphrased [how’s that for name dropping? ])

Perhaps even as we think that heaven couldn’t exist without spouses and family units – perhaps we will transcend all of that and be happy in our new existence. :angel:

For me – and only me – that possibility is more likely than learning to be happy sharing my spouse for all eternity. That would be more like the other place… 👿

[Anonymous]

Hi, 1gentlespirit – I think this is really true:

Roy wrote:

We are accustomed to having the church tell us how things work in heaven and what we need to do to get the best result. It is quite a paradigm change to search it out in your heart and arrive at an answer that is right for you personally. Two people can get different answers about the situation and both be right (at least about the approach that will work best within their mental framework. The jury is still out on what relation any of this has on the eternities.)

It’s been a wonderful thing to finally think for myself. But it’s hard to leave behind all the concreteness, certainty and literalness that is typically LDS. Good luck. You’re in a complicated situation, but, for better or worse, I think it will be more common as time goes on and the church will do more to address it…by being less concrete, certain and literal. And then what…not sure.

[Anonymous]

1gentlespirit

I understand somewhat of your situation. I was sealed to someone, although it was cancelled, and I was married to a non-member who was literally the love of my life. I was widowed after 5 years and remarried a member and was sealed to him. To be very honest, I want to be sealed to my 2nd husband but cannot in this life. I have instructed one of my children that after I have passed, I want them to make sure that sealing is performed. You see, if I am dead I may be sealed to all the husbands I was legally married to, and not knowing how everything will turn out, I am not taking any chances

That being said, when you return to the temple should you choose to do so, you will be going through for another person and not for yourself. Your covenants have already been made. Don’t focus on who you are supposed to “hearken” to, hearken to God. I think that is the safest path in any case. I have determined for myself that I too will hearken to God, and let the chips fall where they may.

[Anonymous]

Eternity4me wrote:

Don’t focus on who you are supposed to “hearken” to, hearken to God. I think that is the safest path in any case. I have determined for myself that I too will hearken to God, and let the chips fall where they may.

:thumbup:

Very good thought! Well said.

[Author]

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