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I was thinking about this today. Like other introverts on this site, I’m not a big fan of social activities. If there is a point to the activity, then fine, but socialization for socialization’s sake — I don’t get it. If there is a point to the meeting (such as business networking meeting), then it makes total sense to me. I’m there to establish relationships that help me progress toward certain goals that are mutual importance to me, and the people I meet with overlapping interests. But to socialize, for its own sake? I see no point.
I suppose if I had a calling, it would be different. I would be there to build relationships with people I wanted to help in certain ways, either through helping them feel part of the community (I don’t feel part of it myself, and have no calling, so it seems pointless to me). Or if I was there to help someone overcome depression, to get out, to make friends. But as a benchwarmer in the Mormon community, I’d rather be at home working on one of the many projects i have going.
Can anyone help me understand the perceived value of socializing with people, for its own sake, or in general?
Many people need it. Seriously, they really need it. I don’t necessarily need it, but I do love it.
If nothing else, socializing helps me to identify those I can openly talk to about sensitive issues. It helps me to identify others who I should completely stay away from or tone down my opinions & beliefs. We had a HP Christmas social a few weeks ago. One of the wives told me how happy she & her husband were that our family was coming to church again. And she meant it. She told me how, at one time, she was inactive. She told me how hard it was to come back. Sometimes I think what we do here on this site is hang out & socialize. No earth shaking issues are solved or understood better.
We post our thoughts & feelings. In the process we know that we’re not alone.
OMgoodness SD! My sentiments exactly. One time they ( Hollywood folk) made a movie in my small town. Well the residents for the most part got all goo-goo eyed and star struck. I thought they were annoying and disrupted traffic. Glad they left. Just a bunch of over paid folks to play-pretend Mike you can get hurt by sharing. Though I applaud you for being vulnerable and putting yourself out there. Like other posters have said, local leadership is a crap shoot and there could be consequences. Perhaps I’m paranoid since I feel I was a victim of a BP that was zealous in thinking his calling was to cleanse the Church. I also find that when I go extroverted — and try to initiate conversation with people I don’t know at church, it’s normally a dead end for some reason. IN spite of having decent conversation skills, and being able to converse on a wide variety of topics, I find the conversation doesn’t often lead anywhere. So, I wonder why I’m there at all…. When in a position of leadership, it’s sometimes different and better as people listen more, but as a regular member “without portfolio” it often seems pointless to me.
Regrettably, I’ve also learned not to trust local leaders with the deepest and darkest; their role as judge, jury and executioner puts them in a position to do too much harm — particularly if you don’t know them well enough to understand their position on certain matters that affect you.
SilentDawning wrote:Can anyone help me understand the perceived value of socializing with people, for its own sake, or in general?
I’ve thought about this before too. I think Ray is right when he said there are those who really do need the social interaction. My wife is one of those. She enjoys getting out and interacting with the other members of the ward, outside of the Sunday church service. I can also see how it’s a good way for new members to start connecting with people in the ward. It’s always hard to move into a new ward where you don’t know anybody. And it can be hard to get to know people on Sunday, especially when you move into a ward where the Bishop likes to put new members in the nursery or Primary, where they really don’t get to interact with other adults at all. I’ve been in a lot of wards like that. I actually lived in one ward, where we were immediately put into the nursery and we were kept there for two years, even though we didn’t have any nursery-age kids. Then we went to a ward Christmas party, and one of the bishopric counselors came up to us and asked if we were new in the ward. Yeah, that was about the time we decided it was time to move to a different ward.
Anyway, as far as the socializing thing, I could do without it, but I know there are those who need it. So, in my mind, if it’s not doing any harm then I don’t see it as a problem. If people want to get together, more power to them. I don’t feel obligated in any way to attend.
Once when I was working out of state, DW was neer despondant and really needed something (a break from the kids, social support, etc.) and was looking forward to a ward activity with advertised child care. At the last minute they decided that the YW should attend the activity with their families and they cancelled child care. DW is very self-unconscious and would not have been able to enjoy herself while juggling our two young kids. She was so upset that they were changing the childcare arrangement last minute that she cried – then she went home after putting in a brief obligatory appearance. I share this to illustrate that sometimes social gatherings can be a lifeline to people.
Also because of this I am an advocate for childcare at all ward activities and I volunteer for the job.
rachael wrote:Mike you can get hurt by sharing. Though I applaud you for being vulnerable and putting yourself out there. Like other posters have said, local leadership is a crap shoot and there could be consequences. Perhaps I’m paranoid since I feel I was a victim of a BP that was zealous in thinking his calling was to cleanse the Church.
The kind of communicating I do at events like this is listening. I do no sharing of my FC at moments like this. Overtime & through various experiences, I can identify people I can trust & others I avoid. If anyone is a maybe, I put them on the avoid list. I’m sorry about your experience with the BP. You deserved
better.
I Home Teach two elderly widows. Socializing is critical for them, since they live alone on a daily basis and are unable to get out on their own. Not everyone needs it, but so, so very many do.
A friend of mine is a bishop (he’s also a bit of an introvert). He told me that he regularly tells his ward leaders that social activities are for those who need them, meaning “Don’t be offended if not everyone comes to every activity you plan.” There was a time in my life when I absolutely loathed attending ward parties (this was a real point of contention between my wife and I who is as outgoing as I am its opposite). It has a great deal to do with the social anxiety that I’ve experienced most of my life. However, as time has gone on, I’ve mellowed a bit (the anti-anxiety medication I’m on helps too). While I have no problem missing such events, I can attend and be okay with it. But it took me a long time to get to a place where I didn’t find mormon socializing a stomach-twisting agony. It may depend upon where we are in our lives. Plus, I’m in a pretty good ward right now too with primarily good humble people. That helps a lot! Gerald wrote:A friend of mine is a bishop (he’s also a bit of an introvert). He told me that he regularly tells his ward leaders that social activities are for those who need them, meaning “Don’t be offended if not everyone comes to every activity you plan.”
YES! Church “activities” are a substitute for family activities. If your family is fine without the activity, then don’t go. But for some families that need the extra help, then the activities are needed. For me, I’m past needing them, and don’t go unless my wife forces me.
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