- This topic is empty.
-
Posts
-
Hello everyone, I am having a hard time figuring out how to introduce myself. There is so much stuff to do with my story and why I am here. To put it simply, I experienced a complete crisis of faith last fall. I felt as if my whole world turned upside down. For the past several months I have been struggling a lot with anger, loss, fear, and trying to cope with being a member with all of these doubts.
It has been really difficult walking this road of confusion. Just a few months ago I really began to question whether or not I wanted to remain a member. After some soul searching I realized something inside me cannot leave the church. I do believe the church has some truth and some good to it amidst the bad. Even with that realization I am still struggling with my confusions and how to deal with this completely changed view of the church. When I stumbled on this website words cannot describe the relief I felt. Well I am not sure what else to really say besides I am happy to be here and I hope that I can be helpful to others as you guys have already been for me.
Red
Thank you, Red. I don’t know if you realize how much your intro means to me, but I really appreciate your words. I hope we can help each other in some way.
Red, thank you for your intro. The story sounds familiar. At this point in time, the only advise I would give is: don’t make a permanent decision when you
feel confused. Give it time & talk. Keep in touch. We want to hear more from you when you’re ready.
Mike from Milton.
Welcome red1988, We know all too well what you are going through. That’s the whole reason this community exists — to help each other sort all this out. We are right there with you, or have been in your shoes. There isn’t a single right answer for everyone, but you will find yours. It takes time. Be patient. You will figure it out, and then most of that angst dissipates like so much mist.
Feel free to start other new threads in the various forum sections to ask question or bounce ideas off other people.
Glad to have you with us for the journey.
I think we would all be interested in the nature of your faith crisis and your feelings surrounding it….we all seem to get “activated” into these crisis from different angles. Silentdawning I am sorry for the delay. I have been trying several times to think of a way to explain more of my story. I think the easiest way to explain it is that I was working through an abusive past and trying to recover from an eating disorder. I then happened to have a horrible run in with a black and white thinking bishop as I was preparing to get married. This bishop had me convinced that I was a horrible person. “You know God has visited every temple on this earth. You really need to make sure you are worthy before you enter the temple because you would not want to be the reason he could not return” or something to that affect. There were many other very unpleasant experiences which are a little difficult for me to share. The interactions I had with this man really caused me to wonder what kind of God would not be sympathetic or merciful to a woman who was hurting so much inside and was trying so hard to be a good person and to fix things. As I sat in church it was really striking how so many messages I heard resembled messages I got from my abusive father and my eating disorder. I thought if this church really is something good then why is it the closer I move to it the sicker I become? After about five months of being married and being away from that horrible bishop I read this book that was “the straw the broke the camel’s back.” I read the book “escape” which talks about a woman’s experience getting out of the FLDS. My main thought was, “If polygamy is this warped now it probably was as warped back then. What kind of God would actually make people go through that?” I finally just snapped and everything that I had been holding in just flooded out. I could no longer see the church in the perfect light I tried to hold it in and people try to hold it in.
I would like to put a positive end to this. I am in a much better place now and I hope that I can become comfortable with this new view I have of the church. I hope I can soon learn how to live with my enlightened views comfortably within the larger culture.
Quote:“You know God has visited every temple on this earth. You really need to make sure you are worthy before you enter the temple because you would not want to be the reason he could not return”
Sometimes, people just need to be beaten with the word of God – and I mean taken behind the wood shed and given a good, old-fashioned butt kicking with the pure Gospel.
I’ve never heard the idea above, and it’s probably a good thing – since I’m not sure how I would react if I heard someone say it to someone else.
I wish I could have had that mentality when he said it to me because all the way up to my wedding day I really thought, “It’s going to be my fault our sealing doesn’t mean anything. I won’t be worthy to go through the temple etc.” Every now and again when my husband and I have arguments or tough times I sometimes hear that thought in my mind, “You must have gotten married unworthily.” Thankfully now I take those thoughts out behind the woodshed 
You know, I’m getting to the point that I’m taking a lot of these unsubstantiated “stories” I hear from people and put them on the shelf. I remember when I was a new member I just believed everything EVERYONE said. I would then repeat these things without thinking, and then people would disagree with me. I then learned that a lot of what I was learning was opinion and hokus. There is a ton of misinformation — even from Bishops. I don’t know, maybe I’m on a new kick, but I don’t want to believe everything anyone says just because they are in a position of authority anymore. You have to pass it through your own filtration system.
Here is an example. When I was about 20, a new member, I did something I wasn’t proud of. I figured I’d made a mistake, and vowed not to do it again. But I read the Miracle of Forgiveness during that period and went on a rampage of self-loathing and ended up confessing to the Bishop. He misunderstood what I meant, and came out with talk about a possible restriction. I then clarified what I did and he let me go with a clean conscience. In fact, when I mentioned that my Bishop seemed a lot more lenient than the Miracle of Forgiveness. His response was “well, that book is pretty hard”.
It was there I SHOULD have learned that even the words of people who become Prophets are fraught with opinion and can’t always be taken as “gospel”.
Bottom line, I turned that little thing into an emotional turmoil that upset me for days — all because of Spencer Kimball’s book. I have since “written off” most of that book off as an emotionally destructive book since then — meant to move the hardcore unrepentant rather than help the good-hearted move to perfection.
So, I think part of being a healthy participant in the Church is letting your inner clock be your guide. And not letting it be more of a hurt than a help. Man, I wish I had that philosophy a few years ago when I LET IT be an emotionally destructive experience.
Hope that helps…I feel happier in the Church as I’ve learned more about how other divergent thinkers stay in it. Sure there’s lots of things I still loathe about my experience there, but there is freedom to be had in hearing what others do to stay happy in the Church.
Also, I also post on one other discussion forum. It is full of traditional believers. and I’m amazed at the harsh judgments they make of people who see things differently than the party-line we hear at Church. I feel like posting “Shame on You!” constantly — as I would feel if your Bishop posted some of the things you’ve shared here from him.
Anyway, take the things they say with a healthy grain of salt. I’m starting to think Jiminy Cricket had it all figured out when he said “let your conscience be your guide” [not always your priesthood leaders just because they are called — listen to them, but do what you think is best in the long run].
Quote:Anyway, take the things they say with a healthy grain of salt. I’m starting to think Jiminy Cricket had it all figured out when he said “let your conscience be your guide” [not always your priesthood leaders just because they are called — listen to them, but do what you think is best in the long run].
I really liked what you said SilentDawning. I think that is the best thing to do. We are all different; our needs are different; our goals and desires are different. Frankly if I would have listened to my conscience I would have never gone and talked to the bishop.Welcome, red, and thanks for sharing part of your story. You sure sound like you have some trials to work through but you seem to be trying to handle them, and that’s good. I often ask how it makes sense things that scriptures or others claim God does, and some things just don’t make sense, including what bishops or others say. Keep us posted and I look forward to learning more from your posts. Glad you’re here!
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.