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I met with the bishop today, he will allow me to do the baptism, confirmation, and ordination of the older son. Thanks for all of your advice. :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: That is so great. How are you feeling about it now? When is the baptism? Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
RealMe wrote:I met with the bishop today, he will allow me to do the baptism, confirmation, and ordination of the older son. Thanks for all of your advice.
That is truly amazing. I am sometimes hesitant to tell people that I was permitted to do both the baptism and confirmation because soooooo much depends on the local bishop. (I understand conceptually that the bishop must have leeway in order to make decisions and apply the spirit of discernment etc.) I remember an StayLDS poster whose bishop had said no to performing the baptism. At first I thought the bishop was out of line but then discovered that the actual wording of the handbook says something about not necessarily needing to be temple worthy but leaving discretion to the bishop. No amount of quoting the handbook or talks from GA’s about the importance of a father’s involvement or even going to the SP – would be likely to reverse the decision.
For me, I believe the baptism and confirmation was made even more meaningful – more precious because I was aware how easily I could have been sidelined to spectator status.
RealMe wrote:Thanks Forgotten Charity. You are right, being true to myself while trying to help others be who they need and want to be while outside my comfort zone is exhausting. And being at church is usually outside my comfort zone lately and that’s why I don’t go to church. My therapist is not really into meds to begin with and he does understand why I don’t take them all the time and he is fine with that. I think he only referred me to an MD because I asked about it. I don’t know that I have a trigger for the depression, it just happens. It is more likely to happen when I am not very busy and I find that when I have a whole day with nothing planned I will likely end up depressed unless I fond something to keep my mind occupied. Just sitting around thinking seems to depress me. I will give your list idea a try. My wife and family really are at the top of the list. I never miss a Little League or soccer game and have told my boss that family comes first always.
RealMe wrote:Thanks Forgotten Charity. You are right, being true to myself while trying to help others be who they need and want to be while outside my comfort zone is exhausting. And being at church is usually outside my comfort zone lately and that’s why I don’t go to church. My therapist is not really into meds to begin with and he does understand why I don’t take them all the time and he is fine with that. I think he only referred me to an MD because I asked about it. I don’t know that I have a trigger for the depression, it just happens. It is more likely to happen when I am not very busy and I find that when I have a whole day with nothing planned I will likely end up depressed unless I fond something to keep my mind occupied. Just sitting around thinking seems to depress me. I will give your list idea a try. My wife and family really are at the top of the list. I never miss a Little League or soccer game and have told my boss that family comes first always.
I am so happy for you and the participation you have with your children.
I have been accused by more then a few friends of “thinking too much” lol. But it is also a jest for them, at the same time it’s not without merit. There are times when you need to structure time with hobbies and interest that can help you grow.
There are a tom of things to be involved in and due that require no strict rules or regulation. You can participate in a number of activities or community volunteer work that wouldn’t put additional burdens on you should you not be up for it all the time. Likewise helping the kids grow in what they like and are good at is a great way to spend time if you feel inclined. Just some ideas as I know what it’s like when my brain isn’t focused a goal it wonders into a million tangents and possibilities. Having goals and hobbies that you enjoy doing giving your brain room for direction and growth with something to focus on that helps you, well helps.
Anyways, hope all is well with you. If not there is a great bunch of people here. Take care.
Daeruin wrote:That is so great. How are you feeling about it now? When is the baptism?
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
I have some mixed feelings about it but the consensus here seems to be that it’s the right thing to do. I wasn’t sure my son even wanted me to do it but he has told me he does. The bishop even asked permission from the mission president to do the confirmation there instead of waiting until sacrament meeting to make it more like a regular baptism of a child. I was surprised at his attitude and his willingness to be flexible does make a difference. He asked me a few worthiness questions and said he felt I was worthy to fully participate. The baptism is in a couple weeks.
I am leaving the choice of ordination to my son. He tells me he doesn’t want it. So,that may be my “out” as our bishop is an authoritarian. As leaders, they exert a lot of control over our lives when it comes to ordinances, and personally, I think it can cause resentment, shame and awkwardness.
In this case, if my wife wanted it, my son wanted it, and xtended family wanted it, I’d go ahead with it at Church. I’d probably not stand in the circle though, but do something private at home, like give a father’s blessing after he receives the priesthood to put my own fatherly stamp on the event. I would record and write out the prayer and blessing as Lehi did in the Book of Mormon,putting it on nice paper. This is what will stand the test of time, and not the ordination prayer, which you can’t tape or record anyway. And I would make the father’s blessing a big deal, with everyone dressed up, and do it somewhere special, have a cake, and give my son some kind of gift that is memorable. I may even invite a few unorthodox friends, if I felt they were supportive, or just leave it as a family affair.
Remember, it doesn’t have to be about the church all the time. As a father,you exert more influence than any Bishop, teacher, or leader, and perhaps even prophet or apostle on the lives of your children. Claim that.
RealMe wrote:I have some mixed feelings about it but the consensus here seems to be that it’s the right thing to do.
RealMe, Do what is right for your family. For you son and your wife and you. I think it’s important to treat this site as a resource for encouragement, but there is no consensus here about what you should do. We can only tell you about what we have done or what we would hypothetically do in your situation, but the person here who is most qualified to answer those questions is the person who started this thread
All we can truly offer is a collection of loosely organized thoughts and encouragement. What I’m getting at is don’t do it because of any consensus here.Exactly what On Own Now said. I am happy we are here to help (and, honestly, I love the idea of you doing this), but make your own decisions. Don’t substitute us for church leaders; don’t “follow” us.
Maybe consensus isn’t the right word. What I meant to say was that the prevailing opinion here seems to be that if I could find it in myself to do it that it would be good for my son. My own uneasiness probably comes from my lack of faith but I can see this as a right of passage for him and as something important for me to be a part of in his eyes. I only want to do what is best for him. :thumbup: RealMe, I hope it is a wonderful experience for all of you. I am glad that this site has provided you with some food for thought and I know people here will be behind you in whatever you choose to do. RealMe, Welcome. You said:
Quote:I do have friends in the church but they are not aware of the extent of my questions.
Practice with us. At some point you may feel comfortable talking to your friends.I wanted to follow up and let you know I did the baptism and confirmation of my son this weekend. We asked that it not be a big public affair and that only the necessary people be there and the bishop actually took steps to ensure that happened. It was a good experience, and I was able to say some things to my son that I otherwise was probably not able to. RealMe wrote:I wanted to follow up and let you know I did the baptism and confirmation of my son this weekend. We asked that it not be a big public affair and that only the necessary people be there and the bishop actually took steps to ensure that happened. It was a good experience, and I was able to say some things to my son that I otherwise was probably not able to.
I am happy it was a good experience for you and I hope your son. It’s great to hear. Best wishes for you.
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