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My boy, my young man, is returning from his mission in two weeks. I have missed him terribly the last 6 months. A neighbor asked me after he left how could we let him go away for that long. My sincere reply was that he believes the Lord want’s him to go and we believe in the restored gospel along with him. I was starting to struggle with faith at that time and now I am at the toughest time ever, or most enlightened time ever depending on how you look at it as far as my church commitment goes. This at a time when my son’s and DW faith and commitment is at the highest ever. There is going to be so much celebration by family and friends that I will have to go along with. Not hard to celebrate his return but we are all going to celebrate the blessings received, except I just lost my job and benefits, and I’ll have to go along with all the cliches like “didn’t that time go by fast!!!” (I’m already tired of hearing that). I am glad he went, I am glad he had a great experience and learned so much about scripture. I’m afraid I am going to start being estranged as I decline to be so emotionally indoctrinated. Not sure how to proceed. BTW at my TR interview a couple weeks ago the SP mentioned that 50% of RM’s are not staying fully active within a year. Is that true? What is that about?
We have a few more months before ours returns, but I certainly relate to how the last months have been the most difficult. At first it was like he was off to college, but these last few months I have missed him terribly. I am happy for you, your son, and your family. I don’t know that I’ve heard a stat like that, but I do know it is a concern of the Brethren and I do of see some of these RMs (male and female) going down that road. I don’t know the cause, but I will say the seeds of my own FC were sown on my mission. Perhaps it has to do with all that study time – that’s where my questions initially came from.
DarkJedi wrote:Perhaps it has to do with all that study time – that’s where my questions initially came from.
You should have read your scriptures a bit more. I am sure that would have solved all of your questions.
I’m sure a few others on StayLDS have had similar experiences but in my case I served a mission being the only member of the church in my family. My family was understandably very much against it, we were estranged for a while. I’m sure they were in the very awkward position of having to tell friends and other family members where I was and what I was doing. Kipper wrote:…he believes the Lord want’s him to go…
That’s a good sincere reply. A decision to serve a mission is personal so when we have to explain why someone served a mission it’s good to give the missionary’s reason for serving, not the reason we wanted them to serve.
My family certainly didn’t share my beliefs, they actively fought against me leaving, but I was still family. I’m sure in their mind a mission was an extremely foolish thing to do (they vocalized as much). Their job as a parent was to look after me, and that’s exactly what they were doing in giving me the advice that they gave. It stung because at the time I truly believed I was choosing god over family.
In one of life’s delicious ironies if my son decides to serve a mission I’d be much closer to holding the attitudes that my family held than the attitude I held when I served a mission.
:crazy: That said I recognize the opportunity for growth that a mission provides. Missionaries learn far more than dogma on their missions.Kipper wrote:I’m afraid I am going to start being estranged as I decline to be so emotionally indoctrinated. Not sure how to proceed.
That’s a tough one. My situation was different. I knew that my family believed differently and I didn’t talk religion with them. Joining the church and especially serving a mission made it clear that conversion was out of the question, it was a well established boundary. You probably don’t get that benefit.
The best I can come up with is to know that anything he might say or do to indoctrinate you emotionally is coming from a place of love. Just like my parents, the words might sting but in a round about way the words are evidence of love.
Also, be prepared for the mission to be the only subject of discussion for a while. It’s a natural thing. Just like someone going through a faith crisis, they might hold things in but be desperate to tell someone. When they finally find someone to talk to the flood gates open and they can exhaust people (personal experience
The “didn’t that time go by fast!!!” trigger gets replaced with an “on my mission…” trigger.
Kipper wrote:BTW at my TR interview a couple weeks ago the SP mentioned that 50% of RM’s are not staying fully active within a year. Is that true? What is that about?
1) It may sound strange but I think many RMs are probably worried about going inactive themselves. They spent the better part of their mission trying to activate members, many times it’s a frustrating experience with no reward. If a church leader makes a statement like this while people are still fresh off the mission it probably has the effect of making them hyper-vigilant. The missionary probably internally responds “That’s not going to happen to me!” Long winded way of saying it’s mostly a scare tactic.
2) It actually is a problem, I don’t believe it’s a problem to the tune of 50% though. Once during SC I heard a statistic from a young single adult ward about how many RMs were inactive. What they didn’t say was how many were active, but given the size of the ward I’m sure it was less than 50% of all RMs. As a side note: an RM being inactive was presented as inexcusable. That indirectly supported the notion that RMs were somehow more special than your average member, big turn off for me.
3) There’s lots of wiggle room in the term “fully active.” Does that mean someone got a job that had them working Sundays for a while but they desperately want to be at church? Does that mean someone slipped on paying tithing? If you’re liberal with the term fully active, sure 50% sounds reasonable.
Why are short posts beyond my ability?
nibbler wrote:Why are short posts beyond my ability?
Haha. That was a well rounded thorough reply. Lots to digest, to much to reply to. Thanks.
FWIW I think SP actual words were more like …our RMs are returning to sin when they come home, like 50%…
Almost everything is sin to some people, especially those who think missions make people demi-gods. Just saying.
Yes, inactivity is an issue when missionaries return, but that is true of ALL young adults who suddenly must make their own decisions – often in places where they lack a solid support structure for church attendance. I am not trying to downplay the issue; it is real. However, it also is unavoidable, imo.
Kipper wrote:I am glad he went, I am glad he had a great experience and learned so much about scripture.
I’m afraid I am going to start being estranged as I decline to be so emotionally indoctrinated.Not sure how to proceed.
I’ve had the very same thoughts. Our missionary has been home almost a year. It’s a very delicate subject between us, so I do absolutely everything I can to (and here’s the cheesy part, the thing you see on “decor” at Target) – Love, Live, Laugh.I concentrate on the present moment and try to trust that the future will take care of itself.
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