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I’m with you on feeling like a failure. My son, at 11 decided no Aaronic Priesthood for him. When I’m at home, and not at church, I’m OK with it. In a way — his reason — “I don’t like being there as it is, why accept the priesthood and only go in deeper?” makes a lot of sense. I was surprised at how adult his reasoning was on this count. But when at church, I feel like a failure, an outlier etcetera. Whether he goes on to self-actualize is an open-question. My daughter is doing well, though.
I will say this — the recipe the church teaches for training your kids isn’t fool proof. I have a friend who is extremely disciplined and effective in applying the church approach to spiritual training. I’m amazed at how he and his family pray, read scriptures, do family home evening. He did it consistently as his kids grew up. I always felt in awe with his ability. but then he finally told me his oldest son wanted NOTHING to do with the LDS church when he became an adult. Primary reason? Didn’t like going to Seminary. His other son is going through the motions, he says, and doesn’t really have a testimony. Somehow, all that religious training didn’t translate into commitment.
Me, my luck has been better without regular scripture reading, without family prayer, etcetera. At least my daughter is engaged and has said to me recently “Dad, I really like being a Mormon”….at least I haven’t pee’d in the pool as far as she is concerned.
I only create this comparison to show that the textbook approach of the church isn’t foolproof, and in some cases, can actually spawn rejection of the gospel and the church as a whole. And that kids will choose as they see fit.
I have to say, though, that other Mormons will often help you feel that you’ve failed. When I told priesthood leaders my son didn’t want the priesthood, and explained what I felt he needed from the church program, one of the leaders said this.
“You don’t have to answer this question, but for me, his decision about accepting the priesthood is a question of whether scripture reading and prayer is happening in your family”.
I gave a response that I think, quelled what this leader was implying (or openly stating). But I have been trying not to blame myself.
I don’t think the kids necessarily have to go on and get higher education, fabulous jobs, etcetera either. They just need to be happy.
Thanks for sharing your story, stan. Also, thanks for the other stayers’ replies. I also sometimes worry how much culpability i have for my daughters being inactive. I have not been a good example to my daughters (more of an example of what not to do) but I did drag them to church occasionally when they were young, and they have been baptized. Neither are active as adults but neither have a desire to leave the LDS church. They will defend it if confronted with antis.
I’ve always prayed to HFather to make up for my inadequacies and my daughters know this. I just keep in mind that H Father loves them more than I have the capacity to do and He will have an individual plan of salvation for them (and me too)
Welcome Stan. I am glad you joined and shared parts of your story…you obviously have lots in common with many of us as seen by the responses. I have focused on my kids being happy and learning how to make choices, and helping them be aware of navigating who they are through life and the influences they face at school, including the mormon kids at school.
Our family has gone through changes, and with divorce, and older siblings going through rebellious stages, and other struggles…I am just glad they all know they are loved by their dad, and are figuring things out as they go. Things are messy in life, I think we prioritize what things are most important for family, and always remember the church is there to support the family, not impose on it. I have found ways to fit our church experience around our family and our needs, and although i don’t feel we are a typical mormon family…I am finding there mostly aren’t. Every family has their thing they go through.
five daughters, one wife, and me: seven paths. welcome.
Welcome to the site, Stan. I’m not married and I don’t have kids, but I do wonder a lot what my TBM parents would think if they knew how far off the strait and narrow path of Utah Mormon cultures and beliefs I’ve strayed. 
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