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Just wanted to introduce myself. I grew up in the church. I served a mission. But my mission was a real struggle for me. I got labeled as the guy that “liked to have fun”. In my 19/20 year old eyes, I began to view my mission prez as the guy that was more concerned about discipline and finding out who the “problem” elders were and conducting witch hunts. For instance, he accused me of something I didn’t do, but didn’t take my word for it. Also, while on splits, my zone leader went through my belongings while I was gone. And also, my companion told me that he was given instructions to “watch ” me because I liked to “play”. (Looking back much of this was self inflicted- yes I did like to “play” but I tried , in my 19/20 year old way to work hard too. I never , however, measured up to some of the other guys/gals. ). So I came home thinking I let the Lord down. I went to college and put my best foot forward. I met an amazing girl that I married. I know I wouldn’t be in the church today without her. I have kids. I have a pretty good career. On the surface it seems like I have the perfect Mormon family, and all those things, and in many ways I guess I do. I’m on this board because I sympathize with others who are struggling. My view of God when I came home from my mission was an angry God. I have questions about some aspects of Mormon history, but for now I’ve “put them on the shelf” and that’s ok for me for now. I’ve had too many spiritual experiences that far outweigh any doubts I have. I want to be a voice that leans toward having faith. I’m an advocate of childlike faith, meekness, being humble, and also Writing things down, especially things of the spirit. My testimony is pretty strong right now, but I feel like and hope I can add to the discussion in a small way. [emoji4]
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Welcome to the board, Brother! You’ll find people here with testimonies that fall along the entire spectrum. It’s been a good place for me to come to read about how other people are dealing with various questions, doubts, etc. We look forward to you adding your perspective to the conversation. Welcome Brother John. I’m rather new here as well, but it is a good place. 
Glad you’re here! Thanks for sharing parts of your story. BrotherJohn wrote:I’ve had too many spiritual experiences that far outweigh any doubts I have. I want to be a voice that leans toward having faith.
Well said!
I always liked to play as a missionary, trying to keep it reasonable, but thought it was better I stay grounded, stay the same old me, than become so hyped up on rules…and certainly never liked the comparing or spying on others. I think many found me easy to approach because of it. Lots of missionaries would come to me to talk…and I talked some into staying and finishing when they wanted to go home.
It can’t be a healthy spiritual environment if people are sneaking around being moles to the mission president and in fear of being “caught”. Yikes.
I’d rather be tattled on that be a tattler, personally. I firmly believe that’s the healthier position. Quote:My view of God when I came home from my mission was an angry God.
Here’s a little thing I’ve learned. How we view God is greatly colored by how we viewed our parents. Now, it sounds to me as though some of the people on your mission had some pretty strict joyless families. They create religious environments that match that. It’s just my opinion. I did a post on this idea a while back (linking it to Father’s Day):
http://mormonmatters.org/2010/06/20/fathers-day-reflections-2/ BrotherJohn wrote:…(Looking back much of this was self inflicted- yes I did like to “play” but I tried , in my 19/20 year old way to work hard too. I never , however, measured up to some of the other guys/gals. ).
So I came home thinking I let the Lord down….
For what it’s worth, I feel closer to god today than I did on my mission and looking back I can say with certainty… I wish I had taken the time to play during my mission.
Welcome to StayLDS.
Welcome to the forum! I look forward to hearing your unique sound in our orchestra. Welcome Bro J! hawkgrrrl wrote:I’d rather be tattled on that be a tattler, personally. I firmly believe that’s the healthier position.
Quote:My view of God when I came home from my mission was an angry God.
Here’s a little thing I’ve learned. How we view God is greatly colored by how we viewed our parents. Now, it sounds to me as though some of the people on your mission had some pretty strict joyless families. They create religious environments that match that. It’s just my opinion. I did a post on this idea a while back (linking it to Father’s Day):
http://mormonmatters.org/2010/06/20/fathers-day-reflections-2/
I love the book “The Backslider” A story about a southern Utah (very) simple-minded guy back maybe in the 50’s or so. It peg’s Mormon culture and history to a tee. I laughed for quite a while when the main character referred to God as something along the line of, “That son of a bitch in the sky with his rifle pointed right at me just waiting to pick me off when I messed up!” If you think this is funny, you got to read it. If you think it is odd, skip the book.
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