"Hidden Immigrants", TCKs and Faith Crises

[Anonymous]

I’ve been reading David Pollock’s book about Third Culture Kids (kids raised in more than one culture). A culture is a group’s shared set of beliefs, values, assumptions and norms, even their common prejudices. There are many parallels between TCKs and those who have a faith crisis while continuing to attend church. In both cases, you have to find a way to successfully navigate between two cultures. Personally, I find that a lot of what people are experiencing is a cultural shift: they have become aware of an area in which their personal beliefs or values differ from the group’s.

Here are some of the benefits to being a TCK:

– Adaptability. Can become proficient social chameleons, changing their style, language, mannerisms, style of relating, appearance, and cultural practices to fit in. TCKs can become addicted to being perpetual observers.

– Less Prejudice. Often become very open toward others on the fringe, empathizing with outsider perspectives, reaching out to those who also don’t “fit in.”

Drawbacks might include:

– Unclear Values. It’s often easier to identify a value you reject than to define one you embrace. May eventually be viewed suspiciously (over time seen as chameleons) if people see them “playing both sides.” May have a hard time figuring out their own values or who they really are. Like a hidden immigrant, they look like everyone else, but inside they feel different.

– More Prejudice. May develop disdain for the dominant culture (that they don’t fit into and don’t want to) creating an “anti-culture” personality. May feel resentful of the dominant culture. Can be very disdainful of TBMs and others who fit the “norms.” They may be perceived as arrogant for their differences. They may actually be arrogant at times. If they feel ostracized, they may develop a victim mentality. They may unwittingly contribute to being ostracized.

The gist of the “hidden immigrant” is that you look like everyone else, but inside you know you are different – you don’t really share all the group’s assumptions and values, and your experiences may be very unique to theirs. This puts you perpetually on your guard to either fit in or be found out. That constant adaptation can result in resentment. The other approach people take is to deliberately stand out, to be “in your face” about how different they are, to make a show of their rejection of the group’s values.

A Mormon kid growing up where no one knows what Mormons are feels like a hidden immigrant, with a set of mixed values and assumptions based on multiple cultures (the “norm” where they live, Mormon culture, and their family’s culture). Likewise, someone who is disaffected feels like a hidden immigrant. They have dropped some of the assumptions and values of Mormon culture and replaced them based on their own experiences. But within the Mormon culture, they have to be on their guard to fit in or be found out, a perpetual observer. Or else they can be confrontational about those differences. This is one reason that I think the “cultural anthropologist” mindset works well for those who want to stay in the church after disaffection.

[Anonymous]

Wow, fascinating parallels. I can think back over my life and identify with a lot of those observations. I also find myself falling into the role of “observer” at Church a lot, which is the way of disconnecting emotionally from the conflict and trying to appreciate how others are different than me. I find myself in the role of now going more in the direction of being “in your face” when I dive into the shark tank of the disaffected, pushing how I stay in. It’s my personality to be a contrarian within the context I find myself.

My family moved a lot when I was growing up. It wasn’t so dramatic as moving to different countries, but still. I often think that affected my outlook.

[Anonymous]

Really interesting stuff, Hawk. Thanks for sharing it.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for sharing this. You put words to my experience. I noticed the other day as I walked around my little town in the middle of the afternoon and spoke with a variety of people that I was starting to get how to “be” with each person and that the ability to talk each persons language was very important. Like you said, it is more difficult as a hidden immigrant because you can’t tell where a person is on the belief spectrum just by looking at them. I suppose that is why I start out guarded in a conversation and then slowly relax as I take in information and process just how open I can be with a person. In one instance I felt a little deceptive having to speak the language. It felt natural and yet also a bit dishonest. I think that the dishonest feeling puts me on the defense and more likely to experience the negative benefit of more prejudice.

CG

[Anonymous]

Great discussion Hawk. And when you add Native American people of mixed heritage (or full-bloods) simply relocated to urban areas seeking a better situation, the hypothesis really works. In my family, relocation into California urban-ness meant alcoholism and pink slips for the males, multiple low paying jobs for the females. Yet somehow we survived, and slowly moved up the ladder of mobility. Education helped, but the reserved nature of Indian people (don’t blow your own horn) was so difficult to rise above. So many of our folks returned to Oklahoma unable to make it out west. Additional negative results; loss of language and sometimes loss of our culture, caught up in the flood-tide of other cultures. In my own family, now in its third generation here in Los Angeles, most of the children are marrying into the Latino culture, and suffer subsequent Indian identify loss. Our Christian Indian faith communities, strong in Oklahoma, seem to fail here in California as well, hurt by distance and gasoline prices. I know of only one church (Assembly of God), which is holding its own, mainly by bringing social self-help and advocate programs in to assist folks and bring hope. They are structured around food/housing/diabetes concerns.

[Anonymous]

Thank you for this post. This really resonated with me and I will check out Pollard’s work. I think applying his framework to those who grow up in a strong mormon home in the mission field is a fascinating approach.

[Author]

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