- This topic is empty.
-
Posts
-
I split this off from my other post since I didn’t think it fit that well there. It deserves it’s own post anyways. For those of you in marriages or have children getting married, I recommend you read this book with your SO or give it to your children and have them read it with their spouse or even potential spouse.
I’m not one for self-help books but I wish that someone would have given this book to my wife and I when we first got married. If someone had it’s likely we never would have ended up where we are today. 5 love languages is also another good one. I’d read that before but for whatever reason the His needs, Her needs really sunk in with my wife. Unfortunately I feel like it was too late in coming.
I just want to say that while I’m the type of person who could probably spend the rest of their life alone and be totally ok with that, at the same time when I hear people talk about their DW and how she is the best thing that ever happened to them and they couldn’t live without her, I am completely envious. I wish I had and felt that in my relationship. For those of you that feel that way, I’m totally happy for you. I think about anyone could benefit from this book though.
I have recommended this book to many people on this site over the years. It changed my life about 15 years ago when my wife and I were ready to give up on our marriage. I learned what her emotional needs were, and what I was doing wrong. His follow up book, Love busters is also good. In a nutshell, the book says that you maintain a state of intimacy when you meet your spouses most important emotional needs — most from this list
Domestic Support
Financial Support
Family Commitment
Sexual Fulfillment
Recreational Companionship
Attractive Spouse
Conversation
Affection
There are a couple more I can’t remember…irrelevant in my marriage..
And then you have to avoid five love busters
Dishonesty
Independent behavior
Angry Outburts
Annoying Habits
Disrespectful Judgments
He has a lot of other principles you should follow in your marriage. He works from a Christian philosophy although much of what he writes is not at all religious.
His therapy focuses on teaching each spouse how to meet the emotional needs of their partner. So, his therapy is very action-oriented and practical.
His emotional needs questionnaire, which used to be available at
http://www.marriagebuilders.com is the key to understanding each other’s emotional needs. After my wife and I did that I realized what I was doing wrong that made her withdraw from our marriage.Another good book in this same vein is “Love and Respect”. https://www.amazon.com/Love-Respect-Desires-Desperately-Needs/dp/1594153205 One big takeaway for me is that most men would rather be stuck on a desert island with someone that respected them but didn’t love them rather than to be stuck with someone that loved them but didn’t respect them. That really struck me as true. I would much rather be seen as competent, reliable, and capable than none of those things but “loved”.
Sometimes women speak easily the words of love but are less comfortable talking about respect and admiration for specific accomplishments.
The book is based off of biblical principles for those that are into that sort of thing.
I believe that these books present different models to help better understand the same common relationship struggles and interplays.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.