Honesty in communication

[Anonymous]

I posed this question in another thread, but nobody bit … so I’ll ask it here.

Quote:

I understand of course that we can never make ourselves understood perfectly … there is too much that goes on between the mind of the speaker and that of the hearer, but what is the point of [language] if we don’t make an effort to use it to accurately describe as best we can what goes on in our heads, instead of speaking in a code that only we ourselves understand, as it were? Unless of course we mean to be disingenuous …

At what point does speaking in code (using a word or phrase that has a clear meaning in everyday usage to mean something which the listener would not recognize as the same thing if we were to take the time to explain it to him/her) become evasion, disingenuousness, or just plain lying? I know as well as anyone how to avoid answering the “do these pants make me look fat?” questions in the wrong way. Maybe I am simply asking when it’s okay to not offend people, but that begs the question of why we would want to hang around people who would be offended to hear what we really think.

[Anonymous]

I feel much more honest today…to myself, branch members, jwald, family…than i did during all those years as a closeted NOM “apostate” EQP.

Thank you DB family members.

Sent from my SCH-I500 using Tapatalk 2

[Anonymous]

Quote:

why we would want to hang around people who would be offended to hear what we really think.

Because if we didn’t there would be nobody with whom we could hang? :silent:

Honesty is not the same thing as possessing no filter.

[Anonymous]

Communication is about connecting with others, I think. Intentions are pretty important, not just the words.

I’ve been called a liar, when I wasn’t trying to…but the words I used maybe weren’t the best. So you keep trying to communicate to clear it up, but it isn’t intentionally lying. Sometimes I’m just not smart enough to realize what is going on in my head would not be received well by others. I’ve also learned discretion is sometimes needed. But you have to know when it crosses the line to manipulation or withholding information is not right. You need to keep intentions right.

Honesty is a good thing to keep working on.

Quote:

I shall look at you out of the corner of my eye, and you will say nothing. Words are the source of misunderstandings.” -from the Fox-” ― Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince

[Anonymous]

I think there are circles of honestly…at the core is honestly in ways that prevent breaking the law or are clearly unethical (to the point that 8 of 10 good people in a room would all agree a particular action is not honest). These are areas where there isn’t much leeway.

Then, the next layer of onion/circle, is honesty on matters where the cost of being honest is too high to the individual or the person honesty is shared with. In these cases, there is a need for nuancing, parsing, tactful statements. In this case, outright honesty can be unChristlike in my view as it is insensitive.

I look at comments at church that way. We KNOW what the majority of leaders and traditional believers think, and our opinions may not be well-received — we know this. So, why be less-than-genteel and broadcast ideas they are not ready for? In this case the cost — being disrespectful to the culture of others, potentially ruining their happiness with traditional believes, destroying their faith, one’s own loss of acceptance in the community — that price is too high for the “virtue” of honesty.

And it’s not specific to the church either — one has to create such filters in all contexts of life — work, non-church community, and family.

[Anonymous]

Well, there is having a filter, which I understand, and then there is

Quote:

… to testify using the same words but [to] mean something completely different …

which I’m not sure I do understand, and which was the comment that caused me to ask the question in the first place.

If I were taking the oath of some high office, say President of the US, is it okay to say the words but to mean something entirely different? My first thought would be to say that’s not okay. Is there some understanding that, at church, nobody can be sure what they mean anyway, so it’s okay to play loose with words?

[Anonymous]

doug, as long as there are multiple people using the same words, there will be use of the same words to mean something different – and no leader I’ve ever known has felt the need to corner someone after a testimony, for example, and say, “What exactly did you mean by ____________? If you don’t mean what I would mean by using those words, you can’t use them.” I’m sure there are a few leaders who would say that, but I also am sure they are a very, very small minority when it comes to teaching and testifying in the Church.

One more thing:

I’d FAR rather avoid being misunderstood than try to make sure everything I ever said be understand fully. Often, shorthand really is the best way to express a general idea without having to spell out all the specifics.

[Anonymous]

Heber13 wrote:

Communication is about connecting with others, I think. Intentions are pretty important, not just the words.

I think this sums up the balance between honesty & intention well.

My kids regularly ask me pretty deep questions & if I answered them completely honestly, I might give them more than they can handle.

So, I try to find a way to connect with them where they are (which is sometimes challenging, since they’re at different ages & sometimes we discuss it all together).

When I speak with other members… I try to be myself no matter who it is, but I can’t help but be influenced by how I feel around them & I also want to connect with them instead of having whatever we say stand on it’s own, as if we’re just talking to ourselves, side by side.

[Author]

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