How can we do good?

[Anonymous]

You know it’s odd in English that do-gooder has such a negative meaning… but seriously how can one do good in this world? I don’t feel I do enough good. I do some good things but they are undone to some extent by the bad I do.

So how can we do good?

I constantly face this dilemma. Take for example the issue of beggars – I never give money to beggars as I feel a lot of them are getting pimped or exploited. Does this make me judgemental? Yes I think it does. I tried to get around this issue by volunteering for a homeless charity as I felt I might be able to do some good for the homeless in a real way. However I rapidly realized said charity was more like a business in some ways – the directors were making large sums of money and I was slaving away for free. It got topped off when a friend of mine was homeless and actually went to them for help and they did little but direct him to the city’s services. Well, he’s okay now, but it took me back to.square one.

[Anonymous]

SamBee wrote:

So how can we do good?

It’s not always easy. When it comes to church, my DW & I set towards the back for sacrament meeting. That is where most people

who are uncomfortable or new sit. If we see someone that we don’t recognize, we try to introduce ourselves. My wife is better at it than

I am. She’s a nature. With me it takes work.

Recently I saw a friend of mine sitting in the back too. (My wife was home sick.) His head was in his hands & he didn’t look well.

I asked if he was alright & he said no. I asked if he wanted to talk about it & he said no. So I said that I’ve found that no matter

what problem I have in life, it’s always better to talk it over with someone you trust than to deal with it on your own. I then said

if you want someone to talk with, let me know. The reason I mention this is because I am naturally an unobserving person. (I don’t think

that’s a word.) I normally want people to leave me alone & in return, I’ll do the same for you. If that make any sense.

I was home sick this week. We share everything with each other including colds.

[Anonymous]

For myself I have reconciled my doing good to “I am doing the best I can.” Anymore than that and I wipe out.

The balance on this is impossible.

[Anonymous]

SamBee wrote:

You know it’s odd in English that do-gooder has such a negative meaning… but seriously how can one do good in this world? I don’t feel I do enough good. I do some good things but they are undone to some extent by the bad I do.

So how can we do good?

I constantly face this dilemma. Take for example the issue of beggars – I never give money to beggars as I feel a lot of them are getting pimped or exploited. Does this make me judgemental? Yes I think it does. I tried to get around this issue by volunteering for a homeless charity as I felt I might be able to do some good for the homeless in a real way. However I rapidly realized said charity was more like a business in some ways – the directors were making large sums of money and I was slaving away for free. It got topped off when a friend of mine was homeless and actually went to them for help and they did little but direct him to the city’s services. Well, he’s okay now, but it took me back to.square one.

Very insightful. It does seem to work that way with certain organizations.

I have the following steps I’ve taken — I’ve found those things that I’m truly passionate about, and I do them. find those service opportunities that really matter to you, that express your passions and talents, and do those things. Unfortunately, there’s very little I can do in the church anymore — that kind of service has little meaning to me anymore. Other than one assignment I have now.

The worlds needs are limitless, so determine something you are really passionate about, and do that.

I don’t give money to people who are begging either. Something feels wrong about it. I feel like I’m enabling a bad habit. Perhaps I’ll be punished for that given what the BoM says about giving substance to others.

[Anonymous]

I keep a set of $10 Macdonald’s gift cards and give them out. Sometimes I can tell they are disappointed, but a few times I could tell the person was glad they were going to get a warm meal. I have heard of professionals that deal with the homeless and they said they would never give cash. It is better to have a list of places to get help and a meal.

[Anonymous]

I have my own definition for do-gooder but I decided to search one out. Here are a few I came across:

Larissa MacFarquhar wrote:

We are selfish, we are lazy, we are conventional, we like our stuff, and we don’t like to hear of someone who makes us feel bad about the way we live our lives. [Do-gooders] make us feel guilty, even if they don’t say anything to us.

In other words the negative meaning comes from the guilt we feel when comparing our actions with the actions of people we believe are doing good.

Maeve Maddox wrote:

We need a word that describes a person who acts according to his own idea of what doing good is without considering the consequences that might affect the recipients of the supposed good.

I feel this is the more traditional definition. A person that imposes what they feel is good on someone else, especially in cases where an action isn’t universally perceived as being good.

I like Minyan Man’s story. He offered help but didn’t press the person.

How can we do good?

I don’t know. Won’t there always be a critic? Won’t we always second guess what we do? I’d say try not to over think things. Does the debate that rages inside our head spend more energy than the action would have?

I visit a quiet place every week where this is written on the wall:

Hsing Yun wrote:

Give confidence to others,

Give hope to others,

Give joy to others,

Make things convenient for others.

The focus is others, not self. I believe there are similar themes in the hymn Have I Done Any Good?

mom3 wrote:

For myself I have reconciled my doing good to “I am doing the best I can.” Anymore than that and I wipe out.

I believe this is very important.

[Anonymous]

mom3 wrote:

For myself I have reconciled my doing good to “I am doing the best I can.” Anymore than that and I wipe out.

The balance on this is impossible.

I can’t speak for you or even judge you on that, because I only know you from this forum, but I hope that is true. I’m sure you do do some good.

In terms of balance, I regret some of my interactions with other people, but can I at least do more good than bad? I hope so. I don’t feel I do enough though. It is not even a case of point scoring – I feel not enough people strive towards goodness.

It is easy sometimes, but hard at other times when people don’t seem to appreciate it or you feel forced into bad situations.

Anyway – thanks for the other comments, I will revisit them probably. I hope we can get something constructive out of this thread. It is such a basic philosophical question but a necessary one.

[Anonymous]

About a year ago I started doing something that really helped me. I began keeping an accomplishments journal/notebook. Every day before I go to bed I list all the accomplishments I can remember. Just a list. If I feel a need for more, I add a few words. Sometimes I categorize them. Mostly just brain download, but it’s interesting it helped me tip some of the scales of my “I am not doing enough or being enough.” Even mundane things like, “made dinner” is doing something. And if you think about it, dinner is a huge good in multiple ways. It nourishes us (and self care is not selfish, it’s responsible), if you are eating with others, you have provided a gift of expression and care. Dinner’s make room for conversation and connected-ness with people. It builds bonds.

Now when I see dinner on my list – I see it as all those other things. Every one of them good.

Try a list for a week and see what happens.

*******************************************************************************************************************************************************************

Good Part 2-

I know there is great debate about the authenticity of the creation story, but one part I love in it, is God looking over his creation and calling all things good. Not perfect, flawless, always happy – but good. Think of it. If he truly created this world and all it’s pieces, he knew there would be floods, fires, earthquakes, sandstorms, volcanoes, ice storm, lightening etc. He knew animals, plants, people would die because of it. Yet it was all good.

Therefore what ever good we do counts and counts deeply. Think of Apostle Paul. The guy was a murderer. A premeditated one at that. A bounty hunter. Then he has a change of heart. No matter how much he does the rest of his life, he can not bring back any life he took, any fear he created, any damage he did. Yet he gave the same measure of soul to making life better, to healing, to uplifting, to encouraging.

Neither you or I have the same weight that Saul carried. Just do the best you can. Smile, say Hi, hold a door open, think loving kindness thoughts. You do much good here. Hug yourself tonight, look online and listen to a buddhist loving kindness meditation, let it float around you. You are good. God called you such before time began.

[Anonymous]

I think that we have a tendency to think of “doing good” as an active pursuit. Stopping to help someone with a flat tire, taking a meal to someone who is sick, donating to charity, working at a soup kitchen. It doesn’t necessarily have to be so. Of course, if we can actively do good, that’s awesome, but what about just “being kind”, asking people about themselves, not being confrontational in situations that could justify it?

If you watch the news, you quickly get a picture that the world is full of crazy SOBs. I think part of “doing good” is just trying to make the world a better place, and whether anyone is the direct recipient of that or not, we are all indirect recipients.

Recently, I was in a restaurant. There was a young family there with a young child… probably a little over one. She was behaving pretty well for a kid of that age, but she was active. She wasn’t doing anything wrong, but did I mention her age? Right next to her was a man of about 50-ish. He could have ignored the child. He could have looked over in disgust. He could have asked to be seated elsewhere or asked the parents to contain the child. Instead, he made a fuss over her. He talked about what a beautiful and fun child she was. “She reminds me of my granddaughter.” He talked to her and to her parents and enjoyed a good meal. As he left, he made sure to say good-bye and got her to wave back at him and she watched intently as he walked away. He wasn’t actively “doing good” but he was a good person. And being a good person made the world a little better place.

[Anonymous]

LIKE for ^^^

[Anonymous]

Some days I make the world a better place by sequestering myself in my cave and not attempting to interact with anyone.

[Anonymous]

I like the verse in Jacob – “familiar with all and free with your substance.”

Contemplating exactly what familiarity and substance (money, but also more than money) are has been helpful.

[Anonymous]

I want to do some bragging about my nephew & his family. This is an example of doing good to the extreme. I couldn’t do it.

They are not in the LDS church. I’m proud to be his Uncle. (Uncle Minyan Man)

http://www.hngnews.com/milton_courier/article_8f71555a-c2e5-11e6-a439-d3964a1c499c.html

The girls should be coming this summer permanently. It has been an interesting process to watch from a distance.

[Anonymous]

Really cool…MM

Quote:

Open Hearts and Homes for Children, a Maryland-based group, works primarily with Ukrainian orphans. After reading about their need, and talking with Aaron, the couple was invested: “we felt a calling in our hearts to go in that direction,” Gretchen said.

I like this :thumbup:

Ann wrote:

Contemplating exactly what familiarity and substance (money, but also more than money) are has been helpful.

I agree, Ann. Like! :thumbup:

nibbler wrote:

The focus is others, not self

I totally agree, nibbler. This is surely at the heart of it. the “WHAT” it is may not be as important as just the focus to others. Trying to assume we can know what others may need can be hard, but just asking, just focusing on them…that alone is good.

On Own Now wrote:

Instead, he made a fuss over her. He talked about what a beautiful and fun child she was. “She reminds me of my granddaughter.” He talked to her and to her parents and enjoyed a good meal.

This is a good example. :thumbup:

mom3 wrote:

I began keeping an accomplishments journal/notebook. Every day before I go to bed I list all the accomplishments I can remember. Just a list. If I feel a need for more, I add a few words.

:thumbup: You’re a good person. Like it.

SamBee wrote:

I hope we can get something constructive out of this thread. It is such a basic philosophical question but a necessary one.

Nice example of starting something good to benefit us all. Like it!! :thumbup:

LookingHard wrote:

I keep a set of $10 Macdonald’s gift cards and give them out.

I like this idea…this is a good thing, I think. :thumbup:

SilentDawning wrote:

The worlds needs are limitless, so determine something you are really passionate about, and do that.

I agree with SD.

Minyan Man wrote:

I said that I’ve found that no matter what problem I have in life, it’s always better to talk it over with someone you trust than to deal with it on your own. I then said if you want someone to talk with, let me know.

THis is a great example. Like it! :thumbup:

I do think it takes some faith. You don’t always know what will lead to a good outcome, but you follow your heart to try to reach out and ease the burden of others.

For our family, we used a Family Home Evening to build 12 gift packs. These included gloves, hats, toothbrush, toothpaste, some snacks and cookies and bandaids and Ibuprofen and a flashlight and some other things like that. We each put some packs in the our cars. When we saw those beggers by the road with their cardboard signs…we would pass them a pack of “kindness bags” we hoped they would use. I don’t know if it did any good, I don’t know if when they thanked us if they were genuine or just being beggers thankful for anything but hoping for money and by being polite hoping for a little more. I guess it helped us some feeling good we tried to do something. It is hard to know for sure if it helped, but we tried something.

I guess that is where faith comes in. You make a stab at doing something you think will help others. I see a lot of people in our communities doing this. Recently I read this:

Quote:

When researchers at the London School of Economics examined the relationship between volunteering and measures of happiness in a large group of American adults, they found the more people volunteered, the happier they were. With busy lives, it can be hard to find time to volunteer. However, the benefits of volunteering can impact you, your family, and your community. The right match can help you to reduce stress, find friends, reach out to the community, and learn new skills.

Thanks for starting the thread, SamBee.

To you comments in the OP:

Quote:

I do some good things but they are undone to some extent by the bad I do.

…all the more reason why doing some small little acts of kindness thoughout the day is needed…we have the bad things we do…we need to keep trying to balance it out with the good we can try to do.

[Anonymous]

Thanks, I’m glad people have appreciated this thread. :thumbup:

I struggle to “choose the right” in life sometimes, but I think if we completely succumb to unkindness, it has a ripple effect. It is something we should aim for.

I look over the last month or so, and see a big mixture of good and bad. I wish there was more good. I think I have achieved something. I have helped some friends mend their marriage, encouraged another to finish their novel… but then again there’s been all the arguing, fighting and stress… urgh!

[Author]

Posts