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Sheldon – Like :thumbup: mom3 wrote:However from the get-go I refused to be the wife that cried in the hall. People could whisper or guess all they wanted, but they wouldn’t have any leverage from me. Fast forward nearly a decade and my goal has grown – I will be the spouse that attends in the face of all the “apostate” garbage we fling. My husband even asks me on some Sundays, especially my personal hard ones, “Why do you go?” My answer is – for him.
Not for his salvation or some mythical idea that he will return to activity and we could reclaim some elusive Celestial promise, but because as a people – a people dedicated to a Utopian idea called Zion – we need to “Tear Down These Walls” we keep building. So darn it, Salt Lake isn’t going to get the job done, so it will have to be me. I’m in for the win on families. It’s big Mama Bear stuff.
I just thought this was a very strong post. Thanks for this.mom3 wrote:So darn it, Salt Lake isn’t going to get the job done, so it will have to be me. I’m in for the win on families. It’s big Mama Bear stuff.
You go girl!
:thumbup: Charity, Sister, I have been there, and am still right there with you. I am currently doing my best to be a tbm on the outside and support my husband and my children, but I have the same question as you…
Quote:“My next step it to try to figure out how to be authentic with my kids and family without my husband feeling like I’m “leading them astray.”
This is hard. It has gotten easier, but it’s still hard. Mostly, I keep my mouth shut, which kindof sucks. I try to speak up on cultural things, on scientific things, and leave the doctrinal things alone. There are a few things, like polygamy, that I’ve just outright said I don’t believe it. To be fair to my husband’s faith and the promises we made when we got married, I want our kids to have the choice to believe or not as they grow up. They can’t choose to believe if they’re not taught. So, even though I am not comfortable teaching them the gospel anymore, I try not to be negative and I let my husband teach what he feels comfortable with. I think that as they get older, things will become more obvious. Sometimes it feels unfair, and like I’m not being 100% honest. I’m still trying to figure this out. Even though I don’t express a lot of my doubts, I do try to teach my children that doubts are OK, and that they need to decide on their own what to believe and it’s OK to question. I also don’t ever say anything that I don’t believe anymore. That was actually hard at first, it was so automatic to bear my testimony. Over the last year or so, my husband and I have reached some understanding. We don’t discuss a lot of details, and we try to let each other choose what to believe and respect that. We have actually grown closer and more patient with each other, but it has been so hard, and there have been times that I didn’t know if there would be any way to work this out even if we wanted to. And there have been times when I didn’t want to. But, like everyone keeps saying, it gets better. We have made a point of looking for other activities and experiences to share with each other. The more time that goes by, the more authentic I feel about my life even if I don’t say everything I’m feeling.
I wish you lots of luck with this endeavor and I hope you’ll share how things are going, and if you have any insights for me. If you don’t mind me asking, how old are your kids? I have 4, ages 5-13.
One more thing – sorry this is long and rambling… but about feeling alone. I have felt that, too. I feel very fragmented in my friendships sometimes. I can talk to some friends about this, and some about that, but not everything to just one person. It takes some getting used to. I have gotten closer to some nonmember friends, and that has helped. It is nice to be able to break away from the church on occasion.
Take care.
Quote:“My next step it to try to figure out how to be authentic with my kids and family without my husband feeling like I’m “leading them astray.”
Being authentic is the best way to not lead them astray.
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