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I have had a faith crisis for several years and would like to rhink it is over , but how do you really know if it is over ? I have different feelings about the faith from time to time then it feels like I come back to my senses and just when I feel good about it something will trigger my anti faith feelings !!! Will it always be this way ? Will I ever have peace? Short Answer: “Peace (the absence of conflicting values creating thoughts and feelings) is an illusion post-faith crisis”. A faith crisis can settle down into a faith transition – living a life without as much binary thinking. The conflicting values are still there and the conflict is still an exercise in tension – but it is different. Unfortunately, those people who would mentor us in managing cognitive dissonance are invested in selling “their path” and “their truth” and accidentally paint “managing cognitive dissonance as evil and temporary”.
Longer Answer:
Those “feelings” and “thoughts” that appear to ambush you with their return are functioning as messengers from deep inside you (maybe even your soul) that are saying “pay attention to this” and/or “think through this before you make a judgement” and/or “this isn’t working for me and I need to find my way instead of shaming myself into compliance with everyone else’s way”. For me, listening to the message and adding an “AND” before making the judgement seems to help.
Roy gives some good examples in his “I recognize this is an important truth AND I am hopeful of getting there eventually – here’s what I am doing now” theme.
For me the short answer is “I don’t know.” The longer answer is “I don’t know if I’ll know in this life.” I’m sorry for the ambiguity, and I am not being dismissive – I know the pain. For what it’s worth I think I left crisis mode a few years ago after a few years in crisis. I now consider myself in transition mode. While I do have faith in certain things now (while during the depths of my crisis I did not), I don’t have faith in all things or even believe (or in some cases even want to believe) in some things. Do I still get triggered sometimes? You bet! That’s why I avoid church for the most part. But what triggers me more now is my new understanding compared to what we often hear from the pulpit or in SS/PH. For me in the end it still goes back to this: 1. Take it slow (sounds like you’re doing this as I have)
2. Focus in what I do believe (for example I do believe there is a Creator God)
3. Don’t dump all at once (or don’t throw out the good and true with the bad)
In the longer run I think #3 is most important because it’s there that we sort out for ourselves what’s good and true from what is not-so-good and may not be true. For me this process has been going on for years (more than a decade after a decade of crisis), and I’m far from done. At 64 I’m not sure I’ll be done in this life, but it’s OK because I know what I do believe and that’s enough to get me through – the rest can be sorted out later (if there is a later).
I went to a grief support group many years ago and there was a presentation on the “stages of grief.” I wanted to do each stage correctly to ensure that I could keep my progress through the stages linear and not return to a previous stage to complete any missed steps. I was gently reminded that this process is not a formula and, although it generally follows a certain progression, is often not linear and that to backslide doesn’t mean that you are doing it wrong.
AmyJ wrote:
A faith crisis can settle down into a faith transition – living a life without as much binary thinking.
I agree, I do not think that I would classify where I am now as a faith crisis. My “faith crisis” moment felt like I was in a free fall of panic and disorientation. The landscape has now been largely reinterpreted and is pretty stable. I am in a faith transition now.
samsonwilliams wrote:
I have had a faith crisis for several years and would like to rhink it is over , but how do you really know if it is over ?
If you are talking about returning to the same faith that you had pre-crisis then that might not be a possibility. Like trying to stuff your new wine into old bottles, it is an uncomfortable fit. But in our church, everyone expects you to have the childlike and (dare I say) gullible faith of a child. I have found that it is better to not be open about my faith transition in church because others are threatened by it.
samsonwilliams wrote:
I have different feelings about the faith from time to time then it feels like I come back to my senses and just when I feel good about it something will trigger my anti faith feelings !!!
Yesterday in church, a sister missionary shared how a customer at her work that had known her for 5 minutes testified that the spirit was telling him that she should go on a mission. Nevermind the fact that we believe that revelation doesn’t work that way. You can’t receive revelation for someone else that is outside of your purview. I was sitting there imagining a dude that receives these sorts of promptings quite frequently and has told the grocery cashier, the dog walker, and the library worker about his prompting that each of them should serve a church mission.
The story was shared as faith promoting, and maybe it was to some. But I am in a different place now and that my place may not fit the definition of the “peace” that you are looking for.
The missionary went on to share that she had done some things that she was not proud of and had to undergo a 12 month repentance process before becoming a missionary. I knew that this probably meant sexual sin. I don’t love the rhetoric around sexual sin and how it affects “worthiness” but the world outside the church can also pile on feelings of worthlessness, disconnection, and isolation. However, I am grateful that this sister found a path of ritual cleansing and renewal that today makes her feel worthy and gives her a sense of purpose and belonging. I hope that she continues to find happiness there.
Anyway, I share that as example of where I sit. It is stable and not prone to swings or twists and turns but it does put me at odds with the majority of my faith community and therefore requires that I keep most of my thoughts to myself. I almost never feel support and validation at church. On the contrary, I do endure criticism and disparaging comments directed towards people like me, as though I could become like them if only I worked hard at it. At church, I am similar to a secret anthropologist embedded with a tribe of people with customs far different than my own. I labor to understand them, and to value the meaning that they give to their traditions, even if it is different than how I understand myself or my world. I can speak the language, but it no longer feels like my native tongue. I hope that makes sense. It is no longer a faith crisis but it is not “peace” either.
I tried several attempts to respond to your post. You asked:
samsonwilliams wrote:
I have had a faith crisis for several years and would like to rhink it is over , but how do you really know if it is over ? I have different feelings about the faith from time to time then it feels like I come back to my senses and just when I feel good about it something will trigger my anti faith feelings !!! Will it always be this way ? Will I ever have peace?
To answer your question, “how do you know if it is over?” My answer is It won’t be over. It will change over time but, it won’t be over. It’s like any relationship we develop in our lifetime. Hopefully, we will gain some understanding, insight & empathy for others that are going through a faith crisis.
The best advice I can give is ask questions. This is a good place to start. Develop relationships within the church & outside the church.
Then, ask more questions. The good news is you will find peace & acceptance over time.
Roy wrote:
At church, I am similar to a secret anthropologist embedded with a tribe of people with customs far different than my own. I labor to understand them, and to value the meaning that they give to their traditions, even if it is different than how I understand myself or my world. I can speak the language, but it no longer feels like my native tongue. I hope that makes sense. It is no longer a faith crisis but it is not “peace” either.
Same, Roy, same. You’ve offered a shrewd analogy with which I can relate entirely.My childlike, gullible faith has been replaced by something more analytical and questioning that makes me feel fraudulent while I appear on the surface to acquiesce, so I simply avoid mentioning tricky issues to anyone (although I occasionally address things with my wife while at the same time trying to avoid sounding like I’m in crisis). I feel like a Dorothy figure after Toto pulled back the curtain to reveal that the great Wizard of Oz was decidedly less than how he had presented himself.
I sit in meetings where leadership discusses those who are falling by the wayside. Insufficient prayer, faith, Book of Mormon scripture reading, and commitment are always top of the list of reasons offered in those settings.
Well, I am highly committed, I have faith in the Gospel at a macro level, I pray, and I have just finished the audio playback of the Book of Mormon — having taken only four weeks to complete it (this time around) while listening for about 45 minutes each day. I am different from the folks they discuss. I am not someone who can’t “hack it.” The problems lie elsewhere.
If/when Oaks takes President Nelson’s place, I have resigned myself to stepping away for a season. I won’t have my name removed from the records or anything like that; I shall simply say that I’ll be back when the Church, its programmes, and its leadership all look less like the mighty wizard trying to avoid having that curtain pulled back.
I don’t want to hijack this post. I have an idea. I thought it would be interesting to see, for those of us who have a FC & come out the other side, to
document what happened & what we are like today.
If we have your permission Sampson, we can do it here or start a new post.
If it’s a waste of time, let me know that too.
That’s a great idea MM. Let’s start a new post. Could you start it or would you feel more comfortable if I did it? I can do it. Do we want it as a “a new post” or a “new section” in the forum even? I think that we are all here because we wanted support in a moment of “crisis” (even if it was a more level-headed crisis) and haven’t necessarily drifted away.
That’s an interesting thought. I’m open to either suggestion. An Administrator would have to create a “new section” to the forum.
Isn’t that what the existing support forum is for? Perhaps a stickied post in the support forum is the way to go.
nibbler wrote:
Isn’t that what the existing support forum is for?Perhaps a stickied post in the support forum is the way to go.
Agreed, I think the proposed topic would fit under Support.
I’m fine with putting in the “Support” section, and I recommend “pinning” it at the top of the page so that the thread doesn’t get lost in the sands of time:) I think it’s over when you have analyzed how you feel about the church and its teachings, and reach comfort with those new beliefs. For some this could mean a return to full activity, a return to full activity but with boundaries and limitations, semi-activity, complete less activity, or name removal. It’s over when you reach equilibrium and you are no longer conflicted and bothered by the church, its teachings, and your native beliefs.
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