- This topic is empty.
-
Posts
-
I am trying really hard not to care what others at church think about me. I am waiting for real friends to emerge……then I will have something to care about. MisterCurie wrote:Do they still think you are:
– TBM
– Inactive due to a poor testimony/weakness in sin
– that strange person at church with some wacky ideas
– full blown apostate
– something else?
I don’t think there is just one way people think of me…I guess I still believe people in the ward are trying their best to be saints and some have greater ability to look beyond some things than others. Besides, our ward is so big…there is no way there is consensus on anything…and people are too busy to worry much about me or my family.I think there are some people who feel sorry for me because they’ve seen my activity drop off since my family crisis (that most of the ward knows about), others have passing thoughts of not hearing from me or seeing me much anymore but don’t assume much, and others have started seeing my impatience come through and don’t think I’m as strong or faithful as they are.
Overall, I’m trying to do what Poppy said and not worry about it nor assume others have nothing better to do than decide what kingdom I’ll be assigned to.
How people see me in my ward: -A little sorry for me because many of them knew us before my wife left and my kids became mostly inactive. So I get a little pity.
-I think some are a little scared of me, or would be a little afraid to challenge me because I am the wierd guy that knows a LOT about the Church and Church history.
-I am pretty sure some people know I am not completely orthodox in my practice. They don’t know what to make of me, since I am very active and appear happy and content at Church.
-Some people, in spite of all my oddness and potential differences, think I must have some super strong “testimony” because my wife’s views on the Church don’t bother me, and I teach pretty strong lessons and occasionally bear my testimony (not of knowing, and definitely not the cliche’ statements though). Hehe, go figure *boggle* I can’t really figure myself out either half the time.
I attend regularly. I fill callings. I love to participate in class, and I am positive about the Church (even if I point out challenging ideas at times). This last part keeps me from being seen as an enemy.
Oh yeah, one more thing. I think I might be a bit baffling at times. I really don’t respond to the traditional pressures to do things or accept callings anymore. I just really don’t care anymore when we have a lesson about home teaching stats or some other nonsense. I have a boundaries. I am very comfortable with it. I volunteer and do what I can. If I can’t, it just isn’t something that is going to eat at me.
Our ward is so unorthodox that we fit in just fine. SP was visiting our ward a few weeks ago and heard my comments in GD. He was not pleased and proceeded to chastise me in front of the class. 👿 Then, after class he cornered me and chastised me some more.😈 Ironic since DH is the disaffected one, not me. Also, what I said wasn’t even all that controversial.
This question is really about the nature of feedback. Some think that feedback is about the receiver, but it is just as much about the giver. Those who claim to be able to see auras (I’m not so fortunate) say that between two people, there is an energy that encases both of them and takes on a different hue depending on the quality of the relationship between them. I can only imagine this skill is really valuable in singles bars. Whether you believe in auras or not, it’s a concept that is very relevant to feedback. It’s about how the feedback-giver feels about the feedback-receiver based on the relationship between the two of them. In the play “Art”, one of the characters has the following epiphany: “If I am who I am because you are who you are, then I am not who I am. And if you are who you are because I am who I am, then you are not who you are.” That’s one reason we all appear so different to different people. The first time I got 360 degree feedback in my job, there were so many different perceptions about me. Some people loved me; some thought I was the worst ever. It was entirely subjective based on that person’s perception of how s/he and I related to one another. That’s because people don’t give you feedback (usually) for you, they do it for themselves, for what they personally get out of it. When someone says you are stingy, they usually want money. When someone says you are not affectionate enough, they need a hug. When someone says you are too affectionate, they need some space. If someone says you are rocking the boat, it’s usually because they are getting seasick or splashed.
That doesn’t absolve us from listening to feedback. If the majority of people don’t like what you put out there, you might want to rethink it or you’ll be a lonely soul. I also believe that each of us is 100% responsible for the quality of every relationship we have. But there are also some relationships I choose not to have because they just aren’t that valuable to me to have. Maybe the cost-benefit ratio doesn’t work for me.
Just some thoughts.
It has been my experience that most observations about less active individuals tend to be wrong or inaccurate or incomplete or based on a two minute conversation. Just yesterday a life long less active was invited to church by my SIL. She responded by saying, “Wow! Thank you. No one ever asked me if I wanted to go.” After attending church, another neighbor asked my SIL “How did you get her here? I have been trying to find a way for years and she has been so stubborn!” I guess my point is that we sometimes spend too much time “evaluating” people. I find that happens inside and outside the church. I find it with current messy politics. I guess it is to be understood as this is human nature. But within the church, I guess I have higher expectations…..expectations that are tempered with acceptance of imperfections….. but higher expectations nonetheless. If one is truly converted, it will show in how they love/treat themselves and then how they love/treat others. And I guess since we are all in process of conversion, I can learn to greet my own deficits and those of others in greater understanding and patience.
Sometimes in the church we miss the forest for the trees because we make assumptions about people without the personal experience to back it up. How many times have my first impressions been changed by simply and patiently getting to know someone?
And I think that with church issues, that pain is involved somewhere somehow. We don’t know what people have been through and if we did know everything, I think we would be quickly humbled. And on the other hand when we are blessed by understanding of another’s pain, or pain in general, we can bless and comfort and carry in more effective ways. At the end of the day, these “evaluations” we make of each other just get in the way of how we really should be viewing and treating each other!
Amen, Poppyseed. Well said.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.