How to deal with bishops who ask extra questions, re. temple recommends

[Anonymous]

How would you deal with it if you are in a temple recommend interview with your bishop and they start adding extra questions to the ones which are to not deviate from that list, but I can easily picture some wishing to do so.

[Anonymous]

Personally, it depends on the question. If it has to do with worthiness or even the appearance, I wouldn’t answer the question.

Fortunately, I haven’t been in that situation.

[Anonymous]

Leaders are “allowed” to ask other than the standard questions if your answer to a standard question may prompt clarification. “I try hard” is an acceptable answer to the question about being honest, but not so much for the chastity question . If clarification or follow up are not the case, that puts someone in a tougher situation. You could of course just answer the question and move on. Or you could gently inquire about why they’re straying from the script. Their response to that can tell you a lot. While the vast majority of leaders are rule followers, there certainly are rogue and “power hungry” types out there as well. Another option might be a more assertive non answer indication you are aware that question is not “authorized.” If it is one of the more power hungry types that may put you at some risk. I’m sure there are many options on the spectrum of just letting it go to very assertive challenge.

I’m just curious if this is hypothetical or if this is something that has occurred?

[Anonymous]

DarkJedi wrote:

Leaders are “allowed” to ask other than the standard questions if your answer to a standard question may prompt clarification. “I try hard” is an acceptable answer to the question about being honest, but not so much for the chastity question . If clarification or follow up are not the case, that puts someone in a tougher situation. You could of course just answer the question and move on. Or you could gently inquire about why they’re straying from the script. Their response to that can tell you a lot. While the vast majority of leaders are rule followers, there certainly are rogue and “power hungry” types out there as well. Another option might be a more assertive non answer indication you are aware that question is not “authorized.” If it is one of the more power hungry types that may put you at some risk. I’m sure there are many options on the spectrum of just letting it go to very assertive challenge.

I’m just curious if this is hypothetical or if this is something that has occurred?

I posted about my situation a few years ago. As far as what I said in that thread, not much has changed. So in short, we had something similar to my concerns expressed here, but not exactly. We haven’t been back to church since, but now I am strongly considering giving it a try. I don’t expect she feels the same, at least for now. What occurred with that bishop a few years back hit her very hard and sadly, in the 14 years she has been a member she has had a few poor experiences with different bishops. We do have a different one now and I’m not really familiar with him.

https://forum.staylds.com/viewtopic.php?t=9717

Presuming I do go to some meetings my only other real concern at this point is one or two members where who I have zero desire to associate with, and I fully anticipate they will try. But that’s another story for another day.

[Anonymous]

I have sat in on TR interviews for my kids in recent years. The bishops will tend to ask the kids what they understand by the WoW or Law of Chastity and then use what the bishop sees as gaps in the child’s understanding as a justification and springboard to discuss the topic more broadly. There is always a question about pornography.

From my understanding, a bishop may deviate from the questions if your answer prompts such a deviation OR if he feels prompted to do so by the holy spirit.

Unfortunately, in practice, this seems to give the bishop almost complete discretion to ask probing/clarifying follow-up questions.

Further, I believe that pushing back firmly on the bishop that he is not supposed to ask about [fill in the blank] may tend to backfire in that your perceived obstinance may be a confirmation that there are hidden issues present that should prevent you from having a TR.

Therefore, I think that the best practice is to answer the questions as yes or no with as little follow-up as possible.

[Author]

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