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Granted, my child is legally an adult and has had his own spiritual experiences, but a great deal of his faith is borrowed from us. I don’t know how I will resolve my doubts, which which came upon me with sudden strength, but this is horrible timing. I would appreciate advice from others here. There is very little time left before he leaves and I feel desperate to inoculate him against…..I’m not sure what. Advice I will give my kids when/if they go on a mission: – Don’t take yourself too seriously. Don’t take anyone seriously who takes him/herself too seriously.
– Don’t get so tied up in the rules or the numbers that you forget to be a human being.
– You are there to serve, so listen more than you talk, learn as much as you teach, and offer help to anyone who needs it.
Hard to know what the antidote is when we aren’t sure of what the illness will be (no one would know)….but here are the things I needed inoculation against: a) Finding out on my mission about the Mountain Meadows Massacre. I felt a bit betrayed and no one could even explain what had happened at MMM, not even my zone leader. I learned about it on the doorstep of a non-member. When I innocently confessed I didn’t know much about it it only reinforced the guy’s notion that we were “brainwashed” or at least, not literate about our own history.
b) Becoming too dogmatic to the point he can’t think outside the box in the church, or be open-minded.
The good thing is that you’ll probably be receiving mail or email from him, and as issues come up, you can take care of applying the antidote then. For me, a misson was actually good for my testimony, so you may find you have little to inoculate him against.
If your talking church history type of innoculation then these are good points – Church members and even leaders are not perfect
– we are not to follow leaders blindly, but rather be worthy of the Holy Ghost to confirm the things we are taught and asked to do
– Not all things spoken by a leader are doctrine and again we are to have the Holy Ghost to know. (elder christofferson’s last conference talk)
– Don’t get caught up in debating other churches or looking down on their beliefs. God is working with all his children to bring them home and to help them progress. Instead focus on the Doctrine of Christ. anything else and you are overstepping your holy commision
– Don’t be afraid to ask questions if something troubles you
Frankly, my best advice would be to read “Preach My Gospel” and not let others’ interpretations of success replace what it acutally teaches. After that, I would echo others: Rules are important for what they are, but people are more important by far. Don’t EVER break a rule just to break a rule, especially since there almost always is a creative way to follow the rule and still do right by people, but, sometimes, little rules are less important than real service.
Finally, teach the content of the lessons, but share yourself. You aren’t a recorder; you are a human being. Share yourself.
Oh, and if it isn’t in “Preach My Gospel”, don’t teach it. Period. You can go deeper than the words of the lessons, and you are allowed and encouraged to do so, but you don’t need to teach folklore and opinion that isn’t supported by the “manual” itself. In this case, I actually support “teaching from only the manual”. If it gets beyond that, turn it over to the local leadership to address through the Ward or Branch Mission. If they can handle it, great; if they can’t, oh well.
Missions are great experiences. I sent a daughter to Armenia, and she had a fabulous experience. Sure, she is TBM, but she also knows the reality of how the church screws up on missions. I also thoroughly enjoyed my mission. It is what we make of it!
Wayfarer – If you don’t believe, did you tell your daughter that? Do we keep doubts and changed beliefs from children? I appreciate all the advice given. Thanks. I served a mission in the islands and I loved it. I am glad I didn’t know all about the church when I was younger or I would have missed out on all the good experiences I had on my mission. My advice would be: Don’t get caught up in the exact obedience propaganda they will try to feed you. This can help to avoid a lot of guilt.
Respect other churches and cultures. This respect is sometimes lost when young missionaries think they are proclaiming the one and only truth.
Don’t forget who you are. Keep your own personality and don’t lose yourself while trying to be a perfect missionary.
Love the people and love your companion. The second one can be very hard sometimes…
Read the Bible. With all the emphasis on the bom some missionaries have never read the Bible. There is wisdom in the book (whether you think its true or not).
Avoid extremism and people that talk in absolutes. This includes mission presidents and GAs….
Remember that you are a volunteer.
Have Fun!
I sent my son off not too long ago. While he’s a lot like me, I’m certain he wasn’t mature enough at the time to have done a lot of objective thinking and reflection about what his faith really means, so we never really went too deeply into those kinds of things. It would only have led to problems, and it wasn’t (and still isn’t) my place to do so anyway. So while I perhaps wasn’t the best spiritual advisor or the legendary missionary parent that we hear about from time to time, I made sure my son knew that I loved him, was proud of him for making the sacrifice he was making, and that no matter how his mission turned out, nothing would change that. And I tried to back it up with at least weekly expressions of love and support while he was away. doug just described the essence of parenting in this situation. How to send a child on a mission? With love.
Thanks for that input, doug.
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