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mercyngrace wrote:hawkgrrrl wrote:
If you are authentic and make comments that aren’t the standard answers, they will come to you, I swear.
Until your comments make people uncomfortable. Then they will crucify you.
Oh, the baddies will find you too, but so will the allies.
Call canny. hawkgrrrl wrote:mercyngrace wrote:hawkgrrrl wrote:If you are authentic and make comments that aren’t the standard answers, they will come to you, I swear.
Until your comments make people uncomfortable. Then they will crucify you.
Oh, the baddies will find you too, but so will the allies.
That’s my experience, too. I’m finding a few like minded people but I’m discovering that some people are a lot more rigid than I thought. Things started getting bad for me after the last GC in reaction to Ordain Women. It’s not like I have a profile up or even really have strong feelings one way or the other – it’s the subtle marginalizing by comments in class or in talks that leaves me feeling like the walls are shrinking. And when I speak up, I feel even more outside of the “tribe” because I know in some people’s eyes it aligns me with the very people they think are bad for the church. It’s one thing to be called an apostate online by a stranger who doesn’t even know me, quite another for a ward member to use that descriptor as a form of social control.
The tight knit culture of the church is a double edged sword.
Mercyngrace – I hear you, loud and clear, the comments are subtle but the message is there. DarkJedi wrote:Oh, and the facial hair/shirt color thing? Two of our high councilors and a bishop in a neighboring ward have facial hair, and anywhere from a third to a half of the high council wear the same colored shirt they wore to work to HC meeting. Not an indicator here.
Where I live, it’s a huge flag. No one wears a colored shirt at church.
I’m glad to see this post got bumped, and since I posted it in Jan., I’ll give an update. The guy I mentioned in the OP has since completely left the church. He “came out” a few months ago. He’s an atheist and is actively involved with a local atheist group. IMO, one mistake he made was in trying to convert members (including his missionary parents) to his point of view. Anyway, now he’s a “project” and everyone talks about him and treats him like a pariah. I tell people that he’s the same person he’s always been, he just has a different belief system. That doesn’t work. He’s been judged and sentence has been passed. It’s hard for his wife, who is trying hard to stay active. He’d rather she didn’t stay in the church or raise their kids in it, but she wants to stay. It’s interesting that she knows all the things he knows, but it hasn’t affected her faith.
So, having said the above, he’s not much of an ally for me. I’ve been using the tools you’ve all so graciously given me, but no luck so far. Honestly, it’s common for people around here to wear colored shirts to church (including DH), or for women to wear pants. No one thinks all that much of it. I know a few who do and I’m pretty convinced they’re orthodox.
I agree with the comments on stereotyping. I’m sure EVERYONE at church thinks I’m orthodox because I’m very good at playing the game. I guess that’s why I asked the question in the first place. If I can get away with it, anyone can. I’ve only recently started making little comments to people I trust about my “open-mindedness.” I was waiting until after my son’s temple wedding, because I didn’t want to do anything to jeopardize being there. It’s interesting because he and his new wife are very unorthodox, but they don’t know about me yet. Anyway, the reaction to my few comments have been mixed. The good news is that I’m settling into a faith and belief paradigm that’s working for me. I’d love to have others here to share in that with. I’ll keep looking.
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