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I have been posting for a few days, and finally feel as though I would like to tell you all a little bit about myself and my feelings toward the church. I was born and raised in a very active LDS family – Parents always in leadership positions and my family was seemingly perfect to the outside world. Unfortunately it wasn’t so wonderful at home, but I’d rather not discuss that right now. Suffice it to say that growing up in that home was a HUGE emotional struggle for me.
I grew up in a small Idaho community that was about 20 % LDS and I was always very active, and even though I never thought I knew the gospel very well, I decided to serve a mission. Unfortunately I had a severe nervous breakdown in the mission field and was forced to come home early. That is something I would not wish on my worst enemy. Unless you have experienced it, you cannot possibly grasp how poorly people treat you if you come home early. I’ll probably write a separate thread about that, but the fact that I am still in the church today is a miracle.
I went to Ricks and then to BYU, and met my wife while in Provo. We have been married nearly 20 years, have 5 kids, but are on the verge of divorce right now due to a number of reasons. My kids are the light of my life.
As for the church…I do not currently attend. I taught Primary for 17 years of my marriage, and asked to be released last Fall. I realize that was a mistake because I have zero desire to attent Sunday School or Priesthood and so I just quit going altogether.
To me, the gospel is absolutely true, but the church is not the gospel. I look at the church as the vehicle God uses to spread his gospel to the world, but you will never hear me say that the church is true. Basically, I view the church as a take it or leave it kind of thing right now. I would like to be active, but I cannot stand the hypocrisy of so many of the members. Obviously we are not supposed to let others actions offend us, but we also aren’t supposed to swear and I do that as well.
Anyway, I’m hoping this forum can be a tool to help me find a way to get over my frustrations/disappointmnent/bitterness towards the members of the church so I can start attending once again. I’m very glad I found this forum, and have already had some very good experiences here.
We’re glad to have you, Wendell! Welcome, Wendell. Hopefully we can help you navigate the rough waters ahead. Thanks for joining the discussion! Welcome, Wendall. I hope you can learn and teach here with us. Welcome, wendell! This forum could be perfect for you, alot of us here have really similar backgrounds and have been right where you are. Welcome Wendell. I hope you can find love and compassion for all the hopelessly imperfect people that make the Church as it is. I am these people. You are these people. We are all these people. Some of us remember. A lot of those people who are so frustrating, like you mentioned, are the ones that just forget or pretend it isn’t true. Try to find a way to stay … or go back … and be an example.
Valoel wrote:Welcome Wendell. I hope you can find love and compassion for all the hopelessly imperfect people that make the Church as it is. I am these people. You are these people. We are all these people. Some of us remember. A lot of those people who are so frustrating, like you mentioned, are the ones that just forget or pretend it isn’t true.
Try to find a way to stay … or go back … and be an example.
I absolutely know I am hopelessly imperfect – I freely admit that. In fact, that is part of the reason I can’t feel comfortable at church. When someone does or says something that offends me, I have a hard time not calling them on it then and there. After all, many of these people have been very open with their criticism of me. My imperfections become very evident at that point. I definitely know I should not be offended by these people and their comments, but like I said, I’m imperfect.
Being an example is not something I am ready to do, but I would like to find the strength and/or courage to at least attend Sacrament Meeting occasionally. Maybe one day soon I will feel a little less stressed out over the thought of attending church.
Thanks, I appreciate the words of support.
Well, you may not needto stay active in the church at this time. Only you with your family can decide that. This forum is to help support you if that is your sense. I don’t know if you have seen in other threads pointers to ways to start seeing truth from other perspectives. That process has been very helpful to me, and helped me to avoid or shorten much of the potential anger and frustration. Amen, Tom. I believe that “active” can be a fluctuating scale for different people – and even the same person at different times in life. Old-Timer wrote:Amen, Tom. I believe that “active” can be a fluctuating scale for different people – and even the same person at different times in life.
My level of activity has certainly been fluctuating up and down over the recent past. Right now, I am admittedly at a low point, and it doesn’t feel like it will be going back up any too soon.
wendell wrote:IAnyway, I’m hoping this forum can be a tool to help me find a way to get over my frustrations/disappointmnent/bitterness towards the members of the church so I can start attending once again. I’m very glad I found this forum, and have already had some very good experiences here.
Great to see someone else from Utah County representing!
As far as trying to find ways to start attending again by overcoming the frustrations, there is no good solution I’m afraid. For some, they find a connection to the social aspects in the church. For some, they resonate with the teachings/doctrines that they do agree with. For some, they do it to keep their marriage and family together. For some, they simply have nothing better to do. There are many reasons to go and there are many reasons to stay home too.
If you do decide to go back and give the church another shot, just make sure its on your terms. Don’t do things that will put you in situations that will send you backwards rather than forwards. If you still have bad feelings towards some of the members of your ward, be overly nice to them. Then watch their reactions, it can be very funny! Remember you aren’t going for them, you are going for you.
And if you aren’t comfortable with home teaching/talks/callings at first, then don’t do them. Make sure you let your leaders know that you just need some time at first and that with time, you may come around. If they are genuine in helping you back, they will let you go at your speed.
Keep us updated with what ever you decide to do. Best of luck!
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