I am Weary

[Anonymous]

Today the emotional tug of war that has covered the past two weeks has worn me out. I feel spent, heart broken and achy. As I let myself acknowledge my pain two thoughts collided at the same time. The first is a lesson in The Anatomy of Peace. The setting is a college campus 1967 – a violent protest event on Yale campus. The story teller then relates how he noticed a silent observer, the story teller went to ask the black silent observer his opinion. The answer surprised the story teller/student.

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I sidled up to him to get the black perspective on the conflict. “So the oppressed are fighting back” I said. “Yes” the man responded, without moving his eyes from the scene, “on both sides”.

The student surprised and curious asked,

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But what if one group of people is oppressing another?”

The sage replied,

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Then the second group mus be careful not to become oppressors themselves. A trap that is all too easy to fall into when the justification of past abuse is readily at hand. Because most who are trying to put an end to injustice only think of the injustices they believe they themselves have suffered. Which means that they are concerned not really with injustice but with themselves. They hide their focus on themselves behind the righteousness of their outward cause.

As I read my own posts and response’s I see where I have done just that. I don’t fully understand how to navigate in life, when to fight and when to lie down, but I find for me, that my fighting produces less than I had hoped it would.

I have read every Trib piece, most blog responses, I have listened to radio broadcasts, facebook rants, and Meridian Magazine pieces – today we look like a 1967 college campus quad filled with smoke bombs, tear gas, handcuffs, and police. I wonder is this Zion?

The other words that are banging around in my head are from Matthew 5:43 & 44.

Quote:

43Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. 44But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; 45That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust. 46For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same? 47And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so? 48Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.

I haven’t been any of these things this past 2 weeks. I have contributed as much as anybody – and for what. Today the God Within Me has invited me to spend the next two weeks differently. I think I will, if only for personal sanity.

[Anonymous]

I would like to know the context of the weariness. Are you talking about the John Dehlin and Katy Kelly situation?

[Anonymous]

Thanks for asking Silent Dawning –

The weariness is largely surrounding OW and such. I got super annoyed by the Otterson debacle and it’s intendant mess. On the heels of that came the excommunications or courts or whatever word describes this and the painfully realistic picture these events paint has just worn me down.

Thanks again for taking time to read my rant/vent. I really appreciate it.

[Anonymous]

You’re not alone, mom3. And it’s not over.

[Anonymous]

Incredibly profound – and oh so very important.

Thank you for all you do here. Everything else aside, your work here is noble.

[Anonymous]

Thanks everyone for generous arms to hold me tonight.

Hawkgrrl –

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You’re not alone, mom3. And it’s not over.

I’ve watched and read much of your words. I know where you are. The it’s not over part – that’s what fully hit me today. It’s not over and I feel spent.

[Author]

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