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I’ve been active my whole life. Even at college when I was on my own, I went to church when my roommates skipped. But I need a break. I’ve read several posts on this board and people acknowledge that sometimes, in some circumstances, we may just need to take a break from church. I’ve got a lot on my plate right now in life, and a few weeks ago I took a Sunday off, and it felt good. But I felt kind of obligated to go with my kids the next Sunday.
I’ve been doing a lot of spiritual reading on my own, and still feel connected with the spirit from time to time. But I’ve lost the will to make church part of my weekly schedule. Its not like me to not attend, but I think right now is not the time to push myself to attend out of duty.
So I’m going to quit for a while. I have no axe to grind with anyone or any doctrine, I’m just exhausted. I wonder how long I can stay away before I start missing it? I’m a bit curious if it is harder to stay away, or harder to stay and make it work. I guess we’ll see. I remain open to whatever is next for me.
If anyone else has gone through a phase like mine, I’d be interested to hear if you found you couldn’t stay away and why, or if it was just a phase, or if you enjoyed staying away. It’s always good to hear your stories.
The only way you can know for sure is to give it a try. I’ve been off and on active my whole adult life. I find myself wanting to be a part of it though (or a part of something). I know that about myself. I go to church on a regular basis, but I do skip a meeting or a whole Sunday every few weeks.
Elder Wirthlin said one group who stop attending are the “tired” – so I think you have company. 
One piece of advice if you take a temporary break:
Don’t get lazy. Habits breed habits. (Profound, I know.
:ugeek: )Piper — I’m with you. I’ve been this way for about 6 months where I’m just weary of it all. I stopped going for about 3 weeks so I could work on my PhD, and it felt GREAT. To have that time to myself to get work done, uninterrupted — it was phenomenal. Then I went away for a week to a conference and that was phenomenal too. I forgot I was a Mormon for a week (although I still lived all the commandments) and loved being away from it all. One thing — if you stop going, your kids will notice. And if they are like mine, they started insisting they stay home with me because Church is so boring. So, be prepared. That snapped me out of it and I started attending again, particularly since my PhD course ended and I had a breather.
Really, if you want time away, schedule a campout away from home from a Saturday to a Sunday, for example; some excuse to be away so you don’t stick out like a sore thumb to your family and the Ward. I set off warning alarms and people started asking if I was going inactive and such. If you can plan something so you are away and getting refreshed that sounds valid, you’re better off.
However, to each his own….but know that I’m with you. Sometimes you just need a break from it. I concur with Ray that you have to be careful you don’t turn it into a habit though.
SilentDawning wrote:One thing — if you stop going, your kids will notice. And if they are like mine, they started insisting they stay home with me because Church is so boring. So, be prepared. That snapped me out of it and I started attending again, particularly since my PhD course ended and I had a breather.
Really, if you want time away, schedule a campout away from home from a Saturday to a Sunday, for example; some excuse to be away so you don’t stick out like a sore thumb to your family and the Ward. I set off warning alarms and people started asking if I was going inactive and such. If you can plan something so you are away and getting refreshed that sounds valid, you’re better off.
Brilliant! That is a problem: the kids. There’s a momentum with the kids. Once they have the option of not going, it can be hard to change direction. I like what SD suggested: make active plans to do something else, even if that is spending fun time together or catching up on a project.
That does fall right in line with the saying we often maker here: Always trade up!
Thanks everyone, for the responses. Brian Johnston wrote:Always trade up!
Old-Timer wrote:Don’t get lazy. Habits breed habits.
Most definitely! I considered for a time a few years ago if I am going agnostic … but I find meaning and purpose as I continue to have faith that God is there, and chose to follow my feelings and allow myself to keep believing until I simply could not believe it anymore. But nothing has proven my religion false, to me. I’m just adjusting my view to make sense of the things I see darkly through a glass. I still find the Book of Mormon and FHE spiritually uplifting and of value. I still find callings and service to others something that helps me as a human being. Those things are things a part of the “mormon” me that I cling to.
It is just Sunday services and dealing with people in my ward I need a break from. The other spiritual stuff, I will try to do at home on my own. And eventually, I anticipate being ready to go back to church…but I wonder how long I will want to stay away before missing it enough that I will attend again. As I said, I’m open to whatever happens next…I’m just trusting my heart and feelings, and allowing myself to be honest to myself about how I feel.
SilentDawning wrote:Really, if you want time away, schedule a campout away from home from a Saturday to a Sunday
Thanks SD! What a brilliant idea. I talked to the family, and we have it scheduled for this weekend. We’ll see next weekend what we plan next. I plan to bring scriptures on our campout and have some lesson time as well.
PiperAlpha wrote:I plan to bring scriptures on our campout and have some lesson time as well.
You know what? I wouldn’t be surprised if those become some of the most memorable times in your family’s life together, in a very positive way. It also is a great experience lesson in taking charge of your religious and spiritual life.
I agree — in spite of all the hooplah about not travelling on Sunday and the importance of always being at Church, one of my ex-Bishops let me take the YM on a campout. We held sacrament meeting in the woods with the Bishop’s permission. The spirit was present, and I still remember the goodness of the whole event. So, spiritual LDS experiences don’t have to take place within the confines of our rigid Sunday meetings to be uplifting. I hope your campout is one of those experiences, and I’d love to hear about how it goes. I may even add scriptures and a lesson to my own Sunday outings. Funny, my wife just planned a trip, and she planned it so we leave, and return on a Sunday — handily missing Church both times. My, she is a smart woman who understands the spiritual needs of our family!!!
As an update, here is what we learned last weekend in our family: 1) If it is raining, dad has the authority to change plans on camping. Instead of camping, we woke up and went fishing Sunday.
2) Kids really enjoy fishing over church
3) If dad tells them we will have a lesson and read the scriptures, the kids remember and keep dad honest.
4) When we skip church and the kids are out of school for the summer…the kids completely lose track of what day of the week it is.
:crazy: On Monday night, none of the kids knew what day of the week it was? It was kind of funny.So we had a good weekend. Not much resistance from anyone in the family to go fishing instead of go to church. My 12 yr old did ask me when we were going to read scriptures together, and he asked if we could do FHE Monday night.
Both of these things my son raised were ways he was telling me he still wants to be spiritual, even if he was ok with not going to church. I am very sensitive about reading the kids’ reactions to our changes. I will be watching them closely, and trying hard to make an extra effort to follow through on plans (FHE, scriptures, prayer, etc). I think it is important they still get that message that spirituality is a priority in our home, and most importantly, love in our home. They may learn to adjust to changing circumstances, but the constant is love and acceptance in the home.
I also received multiple calls from ward members. 2 asking me to cover a class for them next week, 1 asking me to go home teaching with him, and another from a scout person asking if our son is going to camp. It reminds me when we go to church, we talk to a bunch of people about things (plans, kids activities, etc). Not being at church means our interactions are phone calls.
We’ll try camping again this weekend. And FHE will be a priority for me.
Sounds like a good plan. I think you’re seeing that the habits you established with your 12 year old son are taking root. That’s why I wouldn’t want to cut out the Church experience entirely — his habits are good habits and personally, I feel this sinking feeling inside when I start doing things that dilute those habits…. I’m an old man, so I don’t have young children to deal with. The problem is, my middle age children note my absence from the ward. I have several married children/grandchildren in the same ward. I have cut the three hour block in half. It helps a lot. I have decided to attend just two Sundays a month, its wonderful. One Sunday I attend one of two other faith communities I like. Their services are an hour and fifteen minutes long, with coffee and donuts afterward (still can’t break of WofW though). On the other Sunday I visit a shut-in brother, walk through a Buddhist Peace Garden, do catch up on genealogy friendships via the Internet. Oh, when I do attend the ward, I usually wear dark blue or black shirts, turquoise and silver jewelry (I do get comments). Recently I was locked out of third hour in the family history center (something about my going to priesthood). So I then hit the couch in the lobby for independent reading or simply go home and water my tomatoes and bell peppers. I think said program will add years to my life, it is peaceful on my little part of our beautiful rock, which circles the sun. If not, I look forward to kneeling before the Great High Priest of my spiritual path in life, even Christ Jesus and let him judge my heart. George wrote:I’m an old man
To reflect on GBH in the 60 minutes interview:
Quote:“This is a church run by old men,'” Wallace remarked.
“Isn’t it wonderful to have a man of maturity at the head, a man of judgment who isn’t blown about by every wind of doctrine?” Hinckley replied.
“Absolutely, as long as he’s not dotty,” Wallace said.
“Thank you for the compliment,” Hinckley said.
Thanks for your wise contributions, George. (just don’t be dotty!
Heber, I love it! PS: How did you know I park in handicappers parking, was it you that tore my NO on H8 stickers off my Dodge Dakota truck in the ward parking lot? Just cause I park immediately outside the main entrance doesn’t make it right…
Yes, I took those stickers and put them on my car. Catch me if you can, old man! 
This is embarrassing to share (thus I will do it naturally). As I walked by the ward library a few weeks prior to the vote on 8, I saw a huge stack of YES signs on the library counter. Of course it completely violates church policy. I spoke to the librarian and when she continued using the copying machine (while giving me the evil stare), I actually started yelling. She rushed to the counter, grabbed up the offensive signs and headed out to the trunk of her car (she handed them out from there after the block). I had been the stake librarian for thirteen years, I knew the policy of political materials in the building. Of course, the ward parking lot was off limits as well, but I didn’t want to have my handsome black Dodge Dakota truck keyed, stoned or fired, so I quickly ran her down and left… just kidding. Proposition 8, over the top in our stake? Yes, I would say so… some “Christians” still don’t speak to me.
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