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Yesterday I was released from my YW calling. It was heart breaking. After SM I was surrounded by “my girls” and we all had a good cry. The good news is that I went to take my things to my replacement and I feel she is going to do well with them. She had some good ideas and I think the fresh look at things is going to be great. I think the one place she is going to have a hard time is she doesn’t own a cell phone. 😯 And since girls of 14 years and up ONLY communicate through texting (I learned from experience) I have no idea how she is going to manage.🙂 I was then sustained as a new primary teacher. UGH. During the hug fest after SM (we have it last in the 3 hour block) the Primary leader was standing there with my new books for teaching, the CTR rings, papers, etc.. I was slightly annoyed that she wouldn’t give me a few to say good bye to my girls.
😡 After getting home from taking the stuff over to the new YW leader I sat down with the new primary stuff and figured I ought to glance at the lesson for next week (since that is what I used to do with YW). I read through the papers she gave me and it had inspirational quotes about teaching Gods chosen and the responsibilities there. It made my stomach turn to think about all of it. How can I do this? How can I go in there and listen to these childrens songs and hear them sing them? I am OK with some of them, but some like “scripture power” and “follow the prophet” are hard for me to digest. How do I teach these kids that are turning 8 this year that all of this is true even though
Idon’t believe it? Part of me wants to go talk to the bishopric and say “I will teach these kids, but this is my testimony now. You need to decide if you WANT me teaching them.”
But my bishopric (all 3 of them) are such TBM that I would be ostracized immediately and labeled a heathen.
What do I do?
((((BUTTERS)))) A faith-crisis is such a paradox. Happy, freeing times mixed with heart-ache and pain.
Can you see the situations from the kids perspectives? I’ve been trying to do this. I am primary pianist and this past Sunday the sharing time was on how we get to be with Jesus again. They had a globe representing where they live now and then a picture of Christ across the room. They asked them to try and do it in one step. (failure by all of course) Then the primary pres. put down some steps with words such as baptism, confirmation, attending church, prayer, scripture reading, temple marriage, tithing, that when stepped on led them to Jesus. I found it strikingly obvious that there were a few very important things missing from the list but tried to only observe and not react negatively. Low and behold a little miracle occurred. After they all had the chance to walk on the steps to Jesus the children were asked if there were other steps that would help them live with HF and Jesus again. Bless their hearts the Junior Primary added “Love One Another”, “Serve Others”, “Give to others”. I was so proud of them. I found it interesting that the Senior Primary added “missionary work” but didn’t think of the service and love oriented ideas. So for me at this point I am taking the role of observer and sometime I will figure out if that role will become more proactive. It’s tough. I like that I’m there to hear for myself what is being taught and then I can de-emphasize certain points with my kids or add to the lessons as I see fit. I’d really like to be in on the YW and YM lessons but I can’t be in 2 places at once.
Because of your new perspective you can consciously help your students to fill in the gaps. I can’t believe how consciously I think about things now. I work through so much every Sunday (everyday really) and it is remarkable how much I just let wash over me as a TBM. I know it is hard but try to stay calm and reflective not agitated and reactive. That might help.
Let us know how your first week goes. This is a great place to vent and bounce ideas around.
CG
They called you. They got YOU. Be you. Repeat that to yourself, if necessary. (They called ME. They got ME. I can be ME.)
I’m not saying you need to introduce things to them that they aren’t ready to digest, but I am saying YOU were called – so be you.
If you are you, and if they decide they don’t want you, that’s their problem. All they can do is release you.
So, be you.
The Dalia Lama tells us, “Help others all you can. And if you can’t help them, at least do them no harm.” If you feel that you cannot do this calling without hurting the kids’ testimony, than I think you may need to politely ask to be released. I don’t think you should “let the cat of the bag” to your bishop necessarily about all of your faith crisis, but just let him know that this calling is not going to work for you at this time.
That quote from the Dalia Lama is a great one. It goes to the heart of my comment – that you can help the kids without hurting them. However, I also agree with cwald that if you find you just can’t do that right now as an actual teacher, it’s fine to ask to be released. I just wouldn’t do it reactively. I would try it out and see what happens first. I think there is a lot that you might learn in such a calling (not doctrinally, but rather about how you can teach in the Church and still be true to yourself), and I would hate to have you miss that possibility by asking to be released reflexively.
I believe in the principle of acting and not being acted upon.This is a case where I think you should act and not let your concerns act upon you. If you end up feeling like you need to be released, it will be you acting at that point – not you being acted upon. However, that’s my opinion from the outside. You are the one who needs to understand your own stresses and act accordingly.
Good points. I will give it a try and see what happens. 
I agree it’s worth trying, then deciding. If you didn’t try it a bit first, you won’t get the experience of it, and you might also look back second guessing what you could have done.
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