I don’t want or need friends in the church

[Anonymous]

Thanks so much for all the thoughtful replies. After posting this I realized that there are many people who love and value and possibly even need social interaction in the church. I didn’t mean anything I said to be dismissive of that. I think it’s great that there are so many different perspectives and personalities I the church. I do wish leaders would take that into account more often.

There are certain things I really enjoy doing already. I like singing in the choir, helping set up or take down chairs, helping people move, and things like that. I am at a point where I think I could finally accept a calling, but I would hope it’s something that takes account of my social needs (or lack thereof).

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[Anonymous]

Daeruin wrote:

I think I could finally accept a calling, but I would hope it’s something that takes account of my social needs (or lack thereof)

Perhaps you look for an opportunity to drop that hint to the bishopric…counselors are good for that sort of thing…mentioning you’d love to work in a “behind the scenes” humble calling that lets you help and serve without being socially the center of attention…clerk, primary worker, secretary, etc etc etc. You can point out the benefits of serving anonymously is the best thing for you right now. I bet they think that’s cool.

I am very anti-social right now in my ward. Not because I’m an introvert, but because I have things going on in my life that I want to keep private. I don’t want people asking me how I’m doing, or asking why I couldn’t attend the activity, or if I will be able to drive youth to the temple next week. I need privacy and so, I lay low.

I find it has nothing to do with my relationship with God, or my belief on church teachings. It is simply dealing with other mortals who don’t know my heart or my personal circumstance, and don’t understand that an effort to reach out to me right now is not helpful.

I think it is good to separate issues, and not confuse the social aspect of church with the spiritual or doctrinal or organizational aspects of it. When I’m ready to reconnect, the church will still be there. Until then…God knows my heart.

[Anonymous]

I feel you Daeruin. Boy do I. I am very similar in being introverted. I will often look down the hall way, and see someone I don’t want to talk to. I usually choose another way to get to my destination. I hate small talk, and will avoid telling people I’m going on trips, because they will ask how it was when I get back. I hate that part of returning. Did I mention I hate small talk? It’s worthless, and I don’t want to hang out with the person most likely anyway. I’d agree with others that finding a calling for introverts is hard. I never attend ward activities either. I have 1 good friend who is a church member, the rest (2-3) that are not. I like it that way.

I’d say there is nothing that should force you to become more extroverted, unless that is something you want. My cousin who is a serious introvert, a little awkward even, thinks he needs to be more extroverted. He has been working on it, so congrats to him, he became a bishopric member. This is his chance.

I respect people’s space, and hope they would be the same way with me. Being an introvert is not a bad thing, just as being an extrovert isn’t either. I would agree with a previous comment about introverts appearing less “warm and welcoming, loving” though. But that is merely on the outside.

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