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I am new here. Looking to relate to like minded people to reassure me it is not only me has experienced issues with the judging culture of being LDS. After struggling for 15 yrs in the ward we moved into from England to Scotland I found the years of mistreatment, abuse, judging, condemning, criticising, excluding and down right discriminating…too much. I believe it is because as a person I tick all the wrong boxes…I am English not Scottish…many Scots don’t like us…I a female, and a divorced mum that ranks me pretty low in my local ward . Worst of all…I had a brain, and a tongue..both God given and I was not afraid to use them ( feeling that at least at local level divorce women must be seen and not heard). I was forthright in objecting to the mistreatment me and my family had…and nothing was ever done about it…I went year with no calling ( in a ward of 80-140 over the 15 yr period)…then I noticed and indeed had pointed out to me by a friend on bishopric yes I had one or two! that these callings I eventually was offered had been vacant for years because people refused them ( well at least I accepted), but nothing was good enough..I was not asked to give a talk since my husband left me excepting once at short notice when another divorce sister ( interesting observation) backed out.were they scared of what I might say?
we were excluded from social events, I had my seating arrangements mucked around with…I need to sit in a particular area in the chapel for my hearing aids to pick up the Tloop and for lip reading…if I got up to go to the bathroom when I returned my seat would be gone and my stuff chucked somewhere else often on the floor.My son was exploited and almost landed in trouble with the law because of a member, the leaders were not their for ‘the widow or the fatherless’. in fact the joined ranks and turned on us including the stake pres. I was falsely caused of stuff that was nothing but pure fiction and worse still he knew it. The just did not and never did want us…realistically they were breaking UK law…breaching the equality act and human rights act in how we were treated…it has been 17 month since I was active not because of choice but necessity. I have a chronic illness I needed to back away from the mistreatment.No one has attempted to reach out to us and no one has apologised…like I said they do not want us.
Welcome, Brandleberry. You’re right. You’re in company with like minded people. This is a great forum. I’m definitely sorry you’re going through what you are. I’ve never been to England or Scotland before or any foreign country. So they are different cultures from the United States obviously. I’m sorry the racism is the way it is where you live. I’m sorry you and your son have been abused like you have from church leadership. I’ve had family members and friends that have been through the same. I don’t understand if the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the Lord’s church why Heavenly Father lets some of the bad things to happen in it the way he does. Some things with the church not always being open with the full stories its history have led to my faith crisis, but I’m doing better since I’ve reconstructed my faith. I still have my bad days, though we still haven’t received any more ancient scriptures like the Book of Mormon and why revelation in the isn’t anything new about the Godhead, the eternities, or the pre-mortal existence anymore. At least I haven’t seen any of that in a long time. I believe that what’s happening in the church is part of separating the wheat from the tares. I believe that’s what will allow us to be recognized as wheat is being filled with charity, the pure love of Jesus Christ, the Savior. Not living a perfect performance of the commandments. That’s what I now believe the scripture “Be ye therefore perfect” is talking about. That’s what I believe the commandments should do for us. Very few members and other Christians don’t seem to understand that, in my opinion. I will pray that you will find peace. Welcome again, to our wonderful forum. Welcome to the forum, you are safe here. I don’t have much to offer you except my sympathy for what you have gone through. Sadly, there are wards and leaders out there that are not very Zion like. I’m so sorry to hear about the treatment your family received at church! I don’t understand how those people can attend church and hear messages of love and Christ etc. and then turn around and right there in church treat a person in such a cruel manner. I really like what Ilovechrist77 said, I agree that the people who would be gathered up at the last day would be those who actually have charity and not those who followed the showy commandments that others could judge them from. Welcome to the forum, and I hope it can help you!
Thankyou to everyones kind replies. I always felt that my own talents were either abused, or not used to their full potential. I was not challenged. I did help produced musicals and train voices…as a classically trained singer. But I am professionally from a nursing background and work as a lecturer in health and social care. SO I have teaching skills, leadership skills and skills in working with those who need problem solving skills . Unofficially I often solved social problems that welfare meetings had tossed around for years but did nothing about…nurses are good at that!But I was not officially good enough to them . I think working for six years in tertiary and higher education helped me find myself…I am of course a life sciences professional so it was going to happen! When I saw the light I fought back..they did not like it…mind you when I left….I said I would not go quietly and I haven’t I have my ways of having digs at them. Quote:I have my ways of having digs at them.
Learn to let that go. It won’t help them, and it only will hurt you.
Look at 1 Corinthians 13, characteristic by characteristic, and work consciously on trying to be a little better at one of them each week/month/whatever period of time works for you. It can be wonderfully liberating.
At present I am still to plain angry with them…and insensed that a stake president to could literally scream falls accusations at me and since he had allegedly been a good friend ( one of very few) I was in disbelief…he knew he was lying, knew fine well…it was at this point I said ‘by their fruits they shall be known’ this cannot be the true church…my born again Christian extended family are concerned I cannot let go and cannot forgive and am becoming bitter…my answer is simply…i am aware of it..but I cannot let go…and I am angry and I am bitter…it is what it is….and at present I enjoy taking pops at them and laughing at they ignorance at their expense…the harsh reality for them is…in my expertise…as my mother said ‘they will need you before you need them’…and with all the mental health issues that ward has…in addition to illnesses in general and social problems…my mother is probably right….and the dumb thing is I am likely to help….because service is what I do in our out of the church…charity is the pure love of Christ….having said that if my dog was drowning in the same pool as the stake president I know which one I would save! Anger is a deadly emotion. There was a period in my life where I felt completely justified to take revenge against someone. It ate me alive. Every time I went to church I felt even worse. It may take time to overcome. This is a good place to start. This is a safe place to express yourself. Keep coming back. Welcome. Notice I said “learn”. Time doesn’t heal all wounds, but it gives us space to learn and cope and grow.
As one of my favorite sayings goes:
Quote:May there be a road.
Thankyou Mike. I acknowledge anger is poison. I busy my life with lots of things other than church…if we lived in another country i.e. Australia with my son I would likely be active regardless of issues I have with church doctrine etc. I have already discovered that down under they have a lot of respect for my son, who is very much active a successful RM and now married and has a stake calling aged 25 yrs old ( that would never have happened in Scotland). When I visited his ward last year I felt how much they loved him and consequently I was also treated in the most wonderful way that I was alarmed by it! As it is I cannot, will not be active as long as I live in Scotland and hope one day I may be able to emigrate though at president it is not possible. I keep myself apart from all but two members in the current ward and one is English and has also encountered racism. Peace. Sent from my SCH-I545 using Tapatalk
Hi, Brambleberry – I’m glad you’re here. It sounds like you’ve been through a lot. I hope that if there is anything about the church that is important to you, meaningful, “lovely, or of good report,” etc., etc., that you won’t let pettiness keep you away. It’s a lot easier said than done, though. And maybe the solution will be starting over someplace new. Good luck. Welcome. We know that resentment has its place and there is a time to express it. I personally do not mind if you stay away from the church – especially if you are happier away from it.
What I do hope is that over time some of the resentment can ebb away. I’m sure those people were idiots. Hating them might be justified and even feel good for a while.
Long term though, I hope that you can come to be at peace with yourself and your church journey. That is what I’m trying to do. I’m a work in progess and some days are better than others. I also recognise and stay away from my triggers.
Perhaps we could share our road for awhile.
:thumbup: Welcome. 
Thankyou to everyone for your kindness.
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