I have had some pretty low spots in Church, but worth it.

[Anonymous]

Hi, I am a father of three. I taught high school for six years and I start the nursing program in May. I have had a lot faith promoting experience in the gospel along with a lot of negative experiences with church members, but haven’t we all. Some positive ones too of course. I grew up in a large congregation in the church, my Mom and brothers moved to Idaho when I was almost 13 into a ward of over 400 active church members. I want to point out that being the only single parent family in the ward without a Dad and poor, my family really stuck out in the ward. I also found there was more of a pecking order out west then being a church member in the east when I was younger. When I was in High school, I was accused behind my back of being gay after all events going on a temple trip to Salt Lake. Not being one of the popular kids there was not much I could do to combat these rumors and I really wanted to and thought about committing suicide rather than face another day at high school. It has often perplexed me why the most popular kids in my 50% LDS school were the ones of who could make fun of others the most. I went to high school for some of it back east were my Dad lived and the LDS kids did not act like this in their high schools being the minority, for the most part. I was also surprised at the snide remarks towards Hispanics considering the Book of Mormon’s purpose of restoring the Lamanites. Luckily, most of the snobby kids have served missions and been married in the temple and they are for the most part more mature and thoughtful. I went to Marine Corps boot camp and then my mission. I was surprised again at how much business like my mission was like. Training others missionaries, district leaders, zone leaders, all positioned tangled in front of me if I was a good enough missionaries. I have to say that being from a single parent home where my home always put down my Dad after they were divorced, it took me awhile of learning to get along with companions before there was complete harmony. I feel that I could have benefited a lot from some direction as far as getting a long with companions and people in general from my mission president, but he seemed more content to focus on the confident guys and training them in leadership positions, while those who weren’t as confident or from more trouble backgrounds were I feel more ignored and put to the sides as junior companion. My mission president did put me with some good companions to help me grow. When I finally got into my stride, and my companion and I were the top teaching companionship in the mission, and my heart finally in the right place, my companion snuck out and got sent home. I was accused of knowing about it from my Mission president when I did not even suspect my companion of this. After this I was looked in my mission more negatively than as if I had been sent home and my mission president never trusted me again and hence I guess I did not trust myself after that for something I did not even do. I will be the first one to tell you that I could have listened to the spirit more to help me get along with people in my mission earlier and not get caught up in climbing the leadership latter, but being young and impressionable without a lot of life experience, when a mission president has a business system set up as the gospel, you take it as face value as the gospel. I do not like this system because if you winners of the mission being those trusted than there is also losers of the system, or those who are not trusted as much. One would say position is not important, that is true and fine and if leadership goes to those who the Lord calls, lets not use leadership in mission as a carrot or motivation for results when its the Lord who decides who he needs in certain positions. I feel like numbers are way too pushed sometimes in some missions. The mixture of God’s way and Mammon. I feel that we our hearts are in the right place and we are righteous, the numbers will take care of themselves. My mission has been very bittersweet experience, I am grateful to have realized the importance of having righteous desires and focusing on others needs as the Lord’s steward. I try to help others be more prepared to than I was going on a mission. College was a good experience, and BYU-Idaho was absolutely fantastic. I met my wife back east and got married and moved back there where my Dad is from. Upon getting married, I started teaching high school students. At the same time, I was Elder’s quorum president and my wife relief society president in a branch that mostly members over 60. This was very demanding. The older members had done all the callings multiple times, and therefor wanted the younger families all of 4 of us to do all of the leadership callings and work in the church. Some even wanted the church to stay permanently small. Get new converts and innactives fellowships was very challenging, pretty much impossible. So I did what I could. Missionaries were also frustrating because it seemed that the branch had 30 years of converts being dumped in the branch.

There is just some things I will never understand about missionary work and yes I did missionary this same way on my mission. Like the assumption that inactive investigators become active members. I am not saying it never happens but extremely unlikely unless they are married to a member. The parable of the sower in the bible talks about people response to hearing the word, not when they are baptized. I do not understand the rush to get converts in the church and then the wait and see approach to see if the seed fell on good or bad soil. Yes fellowshipping can help and strengthening testimonies can help and are needed after people join the church, but converts need to have the resolve to get to church in the first place. In my experience, if the missionaries and the spirit are not able to get investigators to come to church on a regular basis, give up smoking, and change their lifestyle by visiting them every other day, hounding them and sometimes breaking them down then members hanging out with these same investigators every once in a while after they get baptized sure is not going to do it. Missionary work is fellowshipping too and some fellowshipping after baptism is not generally going to do what a lot of fellowshipping could not do before baptism. Do new converts have to be perfect or refined when they join the church, no. However, Mormon 6 and D & C talk about the walk of faith and imply a lifestyle change before baptism and which joining the church is contingent on and it should be obvious that consistent church attendance and the missionary committments are part of this not optional. I think when people slide because of reaching goals or statistics we are cheating ourselves, “statstical revelation” than we our cheating ourselves as a church and retention will never be what it could. When converts are already committed to coming to church then fellowship and testimony strengthening makes all of the difference in the world.

Our rolls were filled with inactives who had not gone to church in decades. I had a lot of anger for awhile at the members and missionaries, no one working together and it seemed a complete apathy for the church growing in this area. I since move a couple of time. I now teach Elder’s quorum and the youth. I love having a Sunday calling and more time to spend with my family, though I like to help out where I can.

The biggest challenges I have with church experience lately is that the inability to express truth according to our experience. To me it seems that the membership of the church so political and business mentality in-twined that for so many people in the church politics, business philosophy and judgement are all together subconsciously. It frustrates me further that I cannot even share gospel doctrine without being label as an extremist. This happens when I share what we should be eating from the WoW instead just the thou shalt nots. In cub scouts, we working on environmental merit badge and I get eyes rolled at even mentioning renewable resources. I have about been kicked out of Sunday school in my last ward because I would just speak of the gospel of the things overlooked, and the teacher did not want to hear it. Why are those political charged words in our church, are they not just common sense? I think political and economic mindset has shifted so far one direction that we don’t even realize it. It seems the philosophy of Am I my brother’s keeper abounds and is a perfect excuse for not loving people the way God wants us to because we deem they get what they deserve. I think with more balanced political attitudes would also help to actualize a more accurate betrayal of the atonement and gospel of Jesus Christ, or the whole law, which includes mercy, be a light not a judge, forgiveness, acceptance of differing opinions, understanding, instead of judging, manipulation, scare tactics, control, and apathy which is practiced by so many members and too many leaders still. I want to change the environment of the church to what it should be according to the one Christ wants to have and the kind of relationships.

I love helping those who do not quite fit in. I feel my experience has helped me understand those who are lonely, or who need defended in their behalf. I know that in the church, people can burn you. But the Lord has never abandoned me and has as it seems lifted me up by his angels and set me on the straight road and helped me overcome my anger and baggage. Despite the negative experiences and things I don’t understand,I feel incredibly blessed. I have a wife and kids and ward that supports me. My brothers have all served missions and been married in the temple. I am swallowed in the joy of the Lord. Even though I have have some doctrinal differences with some church policy, I know the church is true. I want to help out in this form where I can.

[Anonymous]

Welcome to our ward! Hope you find this to be a helpful place to be able to discuss your beliefs.

[Anonymous]

Welcome! Glad you are here.

[Anonymous]

Welcome to the ward! Glad you’re here!

[Anonymous]

Welcome, and thanks for sharing your story. I, too, am often frustrated with how difficult it is to express any view that is not in harmony with what is generally believed in the church. I also felt my mission was run much more like a business than like a ministry. You will find that this is a safe place to do so. I hope you participate here and can find the peace you seek.

[Anonymous]

I was traveling when this was written and missed it somehow. I’m sorry it took so long to respond, but I am glad you are here with us.

[Anonymous]

I agree with your comments about missionary work, I’ve seen the cycle you describe. Retention work with people that really didn’t have a desire to be there in the first place can also burn leaders out and the problem of retention just becomes larger over time.

I think a part of the problem is how we view missionary work as a church; baptism is the end goal. For the missionary the tendency is to be a bit manipulative or overbearing with an investigator because aspects of the mission culture would have them validate the success of their mission by the number of people they baptize. For the church leader baptisms help meet goals like creating new wards and stakes. When it comes to truly ministering to people numbers and statistics are a big turnoff for me.

Anyway, thanks for introducing yourself. It’s nice and uplifting to know where you are coming from.

[Anonymous]

scthomas34 wrote:

I love helping those who do not quite fit in. I feel my experience has helped me understand those who are lonely, or who need defended in their behalf. I know that in the church, people can burn you. But the Lord has never abandoned me and has as it seems lifted me up by his angels and set me on the straight road and helped me overcome my anger and baggage. Despite the negative experiences and things I don’t understand,I feel incredibly blessed. … I am swallowed in the joy of the Lord. Even though I have have some doctrinal differences with some church policy, I know the church is true. I want to help out in this form where I can.

Hi Brother Thomas! My given name is Thomas. I like that name. Thank you for telling us about your life. After I was baptized, I noticed that certain people were friendlier to me at church. Later I realized that those were the quirky members. They were like you–they weren’t necessarily liberal in a doctrinal or political sense–but they were nonconformists and like you they loved helping those who don’t fit in. I agree with you that the Church is true even if in some respects it has been neglected like a grand old house. Too much emphasis on money and business, I agree. The pendulum will have to swing back at some point, and the Church won’t have a choice. Yes, it is worth it, and like you I would go through it all over again!

[Anonymous]

scthomas34 wrote:

I love helping those who do not quite fit in. I feel my experience has helped me understand those who are lonely, or who need defended in their behalf. I know that in the church, people can burn you. But the Lord has never abandoned me and has as it seems lifted me up by his angels and set me on the straight road and helped me overcome my anger and baggage. Despite the negative experiences and things I don’t understand,I feel incredibly blessed. I have a wife and kids and ward that supports me. My brothers have all served missions and been married in the temple. I am swallowed in the joy of the Lord. Even though I have have some doctrinal differences with some church policy, I know the church is true. I want to help out in this form where I can.

Hi, scthomas – Well, you did just help out by sharing your story. Thank you.

(And good luck with your schooling. :thumbup: )

[Anonymous]

Welcome! Thank you for sharing your story. I’m glad you’re here. I can’t wait to hear more from you. 🙂

[Author]

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