I have to get this out!!

[Anonymous]

Maybe you guys didn’t read the policy…

When a marriage ends in divorce, or if a husband and wife separate, they should always receive counseling from Church leaders.

Always.

[Anonymous]

Quote:

But what about your happiness now, in this life?

If a person was sitting one on one, face to face with his/her personal favorite member of the Q15 (to increase the odds of a good discussion), what are the potential answers to this question? What exactly gets said? What if it were their own child asking, not just blanket advice for millions of members to discourage divorce.

[Anonymous]

nibbler wrote:

The policy is to not counsel people to divorce, which is different than saying something like “Nor should he counsel a person on whether or not to divorce his or her spouse.” It still sounds one directional, a person could read that policy and come away with the idea that they can’t counsel people to divorce but should counsel a couple to stay together. It’s still not a clear policy.

And here is the effect of this. I heard this over the pulpit time and time again — never counsel anyone to split up. Taken with the taboo on divorce in the church, I interpreted this to mean “never split up”. I realize I may have extrapolated, but in the absence of balanced advice, this was the message I received at one point in my life, and believed it wholeheartedly for over a decade.

I agree with Ann about the rhetorical question — what would the Apostles or GA’s say to their own in children in extreme situations? Never counsel them to divorce?

I think the policy should be rewritten to say “never counsel anyone to stay together OR divorce — let members make their own decisions, and counsel them in coping with those decisions”. THAT is more balanced, is it implies that divorce OR staying together are appropriate optiosn when there are marital problems. Naturally, we don’t want people to divorce, and would like to see them make it work, but the organization, with all its power to influence behavior, needs to be more responsible in its advice to priesthood leaders.

[Anonymous]

nibbler wrote:

Maybe you guys didn’t read the policy…

When a marriage ends in divorce, or if a husband and wife separate, they should always receive counseling from Church leaders.

Always.

Again, what does a happily married Bishop have to offer in terms of divorce counseling? Particularly since he’s an accountant, manager, teacher, retiree, entrepreneur? People should seek professional counseling if they feel they need it.

And of course, LDS Social services is plugged solid in our town, so there’s not always help there.

[Anonymous]

The church should be there to counsel members and provide support. Most going through divorce need to know they are not forgotten or shunned. There are also experiences from others and resources in the community that can help individuals as they make decisions. A bishop can help a member realize the costs of divorce before a decision is made…so the decision can be made with more information. That kind of support and counseling is good to have before decisions are final.

Those receiving the counsel should take it for what it is (it is free spiritual counsel), and not equate it to professional counselors and what they can do (which is not free because it is worth paying for).

The difference is akin to eating the sacrament and eating a sandwich at home. They are both food, they are to be received and eaten…they have very different purposes.

We cannot survive on bread alone, we can’t survive on the sacrament alone. We should just keep it in perspective for what it is.

Same goes for church leaders giving counsel, which is not worthless…although sometimes painful and confusing.

Those going through divorce do not need to be told the salvation of their children and the outcome of their eternal family all rides on this one single decision. That kind of counseling is harmful and wrong. I don’t think any member of the Q15 in a one on one would say such things. But some bishops say that…in error.

Take their counsel for what it is, and sometimes you can even give them feedback that might help them better counsel the next person that goes into their office.

[Anonymous]

I’m pretty sure my father was counseled by his bishop to divorce my mother when she left the church. This would have been mid to late Nineties, so yeah, the policy has changed since then. But there’s always been a blind spot in the church’s No Divorce Ever talk.

[Anonymous]

I believe that the decision whom to marry and the decision to stay married is extremely personal.

I believe that people should be loved and supported in whatever circumstances they may find themselves in.

I am fine with an ideal. I also wish that “individual adaptation” of that ideal could be promoted as positive. The ability to adapt a general concept to a specific circumstance is a strength – not a weakness.

[Anonymous]

Roy wrote:

I believe that the decision whom to marry and the decision to stay married is extremely personal.

I believe that people should be loved and supported in whatever circumstances they may find themselves in.

I am fine with an ideal. I also wish that “individual adaptation” of that ideal could be promoted as positive. The ability to adapt a general concept to a specific circumstance is a strength – not a weakness.

Brings to mind that DHO talk about his job being to teach general rules, so don’t ask him to give an opinion about your exception. Work it out with the Lord. And he (DHO) doesn’t attempt to define all possible exceptions.

[Anonymous]

The policy, as worded, is a good one. Maybe not perfect, but certainly good.

Bishops and Stake Presidents aren’t marriage counselors. They should stay out of that field.

[Author]

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