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Man, I feel for you. I share a lot of your concerns. It’s often rough trying to stay engaged when the conviction just isn’t there. I’ve found meaning in sticking with the church in order to maintain family relationships. I think back on my childhood in the church, which I enjoyed, and it’s pretty easy to want that for my kids, too, even if there’s a cost to myself (mental, emotional, social, financial, etc.). I also think it pays to stay open-minded in both directions. I think I benefit from being made uncomfortable every now and then. It keeps me on my toes and forces me to take nothing for granted. On the dating topic, I am a living testament to the fact that dating can work out even in the midst of faith crisis. I went into full faith crisis mode soon after I got back from my mission. I went to church on and off during most of college and continued to date. I paid no attention whatsoever to whether the girls I dated were LDS or not. I asked one girl out and never found out whether she was LDS or not. I had a few nonmember friends in classes. Most of the girls were LDS, though, being in Orem as I was. So eventually I started seriously dating this LDS girl who was super smart and beautiful and wonderful. At one point I told her about my doubts and concerns about the church. There was no way to get around it if I wanted our relationship to be honest. She continued to date me even though I told her I probably wouldn’t be able to take her to the temple. After two years of friendship, dating, breaking up, dating again, and getting engaged twice, eventually we decided our mutual love was strong enough and got married outside the temple. Things have not always been easy. But our relationship has weathered numerous problems, including further issues with my faith, or lack thereof. Now I feel like our relationship is stronger than ever. Maybe I got lucky, but I think the others here are right that there are more open-minded single adults in the church than you would think. But you do have to put yourself out there, be honest, and give them the chance to accept you.
Thank you everybody again. Here’s a little update and what I think I’ll do: First of all I want to make sure I’m proactively moving forward where ever this go. Meaning, that I need to stop sitting in my room and living in my head. Instead I need to for a lack of a better word “pray with my feet”. Work on my calling. Have open conversations about my issues with people (including here). Dating within and not within the church (but still stick to LDS standards). I also want to go to different churches and see what that is like. The key for me is to stay out of my head and actually DO things. Keep myself busy and put myself in places where opportunities rises.
Second, I’ve mention this before but I mention it again. I’m going to stop identifying myself with faith crisis. I do fall in this pit where I think this faith crisis is EVERYTHING and being Mormon is EVERYTHING and I have to figure out EVERYTHING. I can’t live my life until I figure out EVERYTHING. This is unhealthy thinking. I need to focus on other facets in my life like my business, social life, physical health and my hobbies. Spread out my identity a bit so I don’t go crazy if things fall apart.
This kind of wraps my two approve ideas but I just need to have faith that everything will be ok no matter what direction I want to take. If there is a loving god and I have good intentions and work hard he will naturally guide me in the right direction.
Instead of worrying, I choose to believe that everything will be ok.
Sounds like a good plan! Best of luck and keep us informed how it goes every once in a while.
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