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Hello to anyone reading this. I just turned 18. I have been a member my whole life. The pressure to go on a mission from my bishop and young men leaders has been turned up to the max notch. My mother is a stalwart member. My father is not a member. I live in an area where the LDS population is roughly 6-10%. I have come to question the church because of reservations about the churches history that I’ve researched in recent years and discovered surprising things that have caused me doubt, and because of the enormous pressure that has been placed on my shoulders to serve the mission– a story many young LDS boys obviously share. I hate to say it, but I must be honest, there is much evidence I have experienced in my life that suggests participating in the church is by no means neccessary to achieve happiness. I have countless non-member friends who live in families that are what I would call the embodyment of happiness. My father is not a member, but is the greatest role model I’ve observed in my lifetime. He is the most frugal, hard-working, and independent man I know. The reason I live in Alaska is because my father, having gotten sick of working as a civil engineer in downtown Seattle, took a job offer to come live a free-spirited life up here in a state where there is so much oppurtunity for outdoor fun. My father believes in God, but not necessarily the mormon church. He has expressed to me that he will support me if I decide to go on a mission
if I think it is right, but he doesn’t think it is right that the men in my Ward put pressure on me. There are things about the church that I love, but things I have come to be sick and tired of. For as long as I live, I will try to honor and follow the teachings of Jesus Christ. My only question is: Is that inseparable from the mormon church?? Or is the mormon church just a part of the massive jumble of conformist religous organizations? What might sound strange, is that I prefer to have a personal relationship with God, perhaps through admiring the beauty of nature. Rather that a relationship that is described to me by some other person over the pulpit, and in accordance with a strict system of policies, guidelines, symbolism, etc… I joined this website to have people I can talk to about issues that would get me heavily chastised for if I brought up in priests quorum or institute mission prep class which I am taking on the request of my bishop. There are so many other things I can discuss and questions I can ask; it goes much deeper than just what I’ve stated in this post. But this post was only ment to be an introduction of my situation in the church. I thank anyone and everyone who has taken the time to read my long post, and desperately welcome any advice, comments, etc…
Welcome. Thank you for your introduction. I hope you find the type of support you need. Happiness is not confined to the LDS Church – and being active in the LDS Church does not guarantee happiness. Happiness eminates from within. Happiness can be found inside the LDS Church – but so can unhappiness. It’s important to understand that.
I personally believe the grandeur of pure Mormonism – the mind-blowing expansiveness of some of the core principles and theology within our faith tradition – is incredibly important to exist in this world, but happiness isn’t tied to understanding or believing it. Neither, importantly, is questioning – or believing specific doctrine – or even having a life void of turmoil and evil. Happiness is developed internally – not “found” externally.
There is so much on my mind that I can think of to say to you. However, I’m going to try to keep it brief because I think there are a couple of things that are the most important. You’ve already hit the nail on the head – if you decide to go on a mission you need to do it for the right reasons. You absolutely need to bring to a head a decision on what you believe. You are looking at sacrificing 2 years of your life and paying to do it. More importantly you are looking at essentially being a salesman for the church for 2 years. Your job for 2 years will be to convince people to join the church. If you have any reservations on doing that, you shouldn’t do it.
So you need to bring your belief to a head and figure out what you believe. Is this really Christ’s church that he personally restored on the earth? You need to be able to confidently answer that question one way or another to make this decision.
Don’t go on a mission half committed. Either be fully committed or don’t go.
Welcome to the board! And, BTW, thanks for your post on my introduction. I guess it’s my turn to return the favor. 
I remember that experience of the pressure to serve a mission being turned up to the max about the time when I was a priest. I even remember times when I would tell my young men’s president in no uncertain terms that I would not be serving a mission, he would reply “No, you
aregoing to serve a mission, you just don’t know it yet.” Incidentally, I did decide to serve a mission, but it wasn’t until I went off to school in Boston and joined a singles ward for the first time, and for the first time in my church experience, there was
noexpectation for me to serve a mission. I suspect it was because I was surrounded by young men who were, like me, going to very secular schools like Harvard and MIT (I was at Berklee College of Music) and would have had every reason not to go, or there were young men who were so recently returned that they remembered going through what I and every other young man in that ward was going through. So no one dared pressure me to go. It was amazing that it took me getting into an environment where I didn’thave to go that I decided I would go. I’ll tell you the reason I went is because I wanted to get my endowments, and yet three different bishops in three different wards told me they wouldn’t authorize it unless I agreed to go on a mission. And the reason I wanted my endowment so badly was because I had a testimony that I could get actual answers to my questions in the temple, and I wanted to tap into that, basically for very practical life purposes. Now, with the first two bishops’ responses, I knew I wanted the endowment, but I wasn’t so sure about the mission thing, and it took some serious praying when I did finally get to Boston before I came to that conclusion.
As for your father, my family situation is my mother (and now my wife and son) are the only members of the church in my family. But my non-member family were very supportive of my mission experience for very secular reasons. Even my paternal grandparents, who had some hostility towards the church (which I think has since softened) were supportive of my decision. So I hope that gives you some encouragement.
I will admit, however, that the fact that it was a soul wrenching decision for me to serve a mission, and not just an automatic part of my life plan like it is for so many young men, was really not appreciated by other people on my mission, and especially not during the MTC. I had the misfortune of being the only member of my MTC district from east of the Rocky Mountains (let alone east of the Mississippi River!), and so sometimes I got heat for second guessing my decision to serve. It got better the longer I was out there, but that was one of the hard parts.
In any case, if you decide to go, wait until you’re reasonably sure that it’s what you should be doing. I guess you can never be 100% sure (I’m still not 100% sure, and I’ve been back for 12 years!), and don’t let anyone tell you you
haveto go. Alaskaboy, thank you for the introduction. I know you’re asking for advise. You have put alot of thought into your situation. You seem mature for your age. Regardless of what others may tell you, seek your own inspiration. There are going to be alot
of challenges that come into your life. In retrospect, this may seem small compared to others you will face.
Begin by seeking the counsel of other people you trust. They maybe outside of the Church. Seek your own inspiration on your
own terms. I wish you the best.
Keep us posted.
Welcome.
Mike from Milton.
A mission is very hard, even when you go for your own reasons. I would never advise anyone to go to please others or fit in. There are too many people in missions who are there for those types of reasons, and they are ruining it for everyone else! Well, they are amusing to watch at least. Missions are like a microcosm of the church in that regard. I agree with you about the church vs one’s personal relationship with the divine through nature or whatever. For me, the church is a touchstone. I enjoy returning to it. There is also value in participating in a community: mutual service and new thinking to mix with your own.
Welcome to the forum, and I respect your thoughts and questions, they are good questions. Clearly, statistics can show happiness is not confined to Mormonism, or even that there is any evidence for happier people in the church. Experience shows great, happy people outside the church, and unhappy and depressed people on lots of anti-depressants inside the church. But I don’t think any of that shows there is no value in believing in the church and living its principles.
I will tell you that my mission was truly amazing, and a huge important experience for my life. I loved it, and loved serving people and having fun. But it definitely was not easy dealing with companions, mission presidents very driven to compare results to other missions, and ward members that put pressures on missionary behavior.
What others say is very true, it is your choice and you should decide if you want to go, not feel pressured to go. But if you want to, and put all your heart into it and work through the trials and it can be rewarding. If you don’t want to go, you can find great experiences in life through other things, so it certainly isn’t a must.
But I think you should hear from people that sometimes the mission is truly a wonderful experience, but it also truly isn’t for everyone. (sorry, that may be unhelpful, but it’s the truth).
Welcome to the forum! I don’t think you have to have a rock solid testimony of the Church to go (at 19 I certainly didn’t). But if you have significant doubts about the Church, you need to realize that you will be living a truly “gospel-centered” life for two years. Your whole life will be like Sundays at church (to some extent) for that time period. Some people flourish in such an environment and others can’t stand it. I was somewhere in between, maybe closer to “can’t stand it”. For me the mission was very very difficult and while I’m glad I had the experience, I would not care to repeat it.
Something else to think about. There are other kinds of missions. There are temple missions where you work as a volunteer in or around one of the many temples we have. There are welfare and service missions where you provide education and resources (of many kinds) to people in need. Doesn’t require a testimony of all aspects of the gospel to do good to other people. You (with the support of your parents) MIGHT be able to negotiate with your bishop a bit and see what other options are available…if you desire some kind of missionlike experience. You could even explore service options outside of the LDS Church.
Bottom line: I don’t think happiness and success are dependent upon serving a mission. However, taking some time off to help others is not necessarily a bad thing.
Welcome Alaskaboy! I just wanted to share you need to be reasonably sure about your decision before going on your mission. One missionary shared with me he was really not sure when he went, but the MTC helped him to become more sure. Now I have had other missionaries tell me they couldn’t wait to get out of the MTC. You can be a successful man without having gone on a mission but one thing to think about is “What will be your learning, growing and defining experiences in place of the mission?” Our son came home from his mission due to health reasons shortly after leaving the MTC. Those are the questions we have also given to him. As a convert to the church, I can identify the experiences I had as a young adult that “gave me training” so to speak. If you decide against the mission at this time in your life, you could focus on cultivating those type of experiences. And remember, you can go up to the age of 25. I have known many men who waited a year or two while they grew into their certainty about the mission. I hope some of this might be helpful to you. I agree that you can be happy outside the Church and that sometimes, even following the Church’s textook plan can be destructive to individuals. I’m happier now than I have been in years and it was only after putting the Church in its proper place in my life, after a number of other interests. Also, after realizing that there is strong cultural pressure to further the aims of the Church, often putting the needs of individual members in second place — which is wrong.
However, I would never discourage anyone from serving a mission. But I can give you some things to think about:
1. Picture your life 20 years from now when serving a mission like this is not a possibility. How would you feel about this part of your life at that time? Can you picture it as best you can? No one can see the future, but ask yourself — long term how will I feel about this.
2. Put the pressure aside when you go through this exercise. What other people think should not matter — what matters is your own internal compass of what you feel is right. You know yourself, your life, your family better than anyone — view the pressure and reasons given for serving from all sources as grist for the mill, and let what is rigth settle on you after you consider it all. But ultimately, follow your heart and mind at the time.
3. Write down your reasons for making whatever decision you end up making. People can have tendencies to regret decisions made, after the future happens and new information materializes. You have to look at the information available to you at the time, and your reasoning and consider the decision from that perspective. Review your reasons in the future if you ever have regrets about whatever decision you have made.
Here is my grist for the mill — there are the positives of my serving a mission…a) it expanded my world view of America and it helped me make the decision to become an international person taking a job here eventually. I am a U.S. citizen but live here now.
Your mission president(s) may well be a very fine individual from whom you may learn a lot. You may well have leadership opportunities (not guaranteed) with training from people who have a knack for it. You will likely deepen your spiritual understanding of scripture and learn much about the role of goal setting and spirituality combined. You will be exposed to a lot of personalities and learn a lot about who you are in an intense environment, and you may well gain even more self-discipline.
But it’s not easy, and if you have testimony issues, this will make it harder.
Good luck with what you decide — I look forward to hearing what you ultimately decide to do!
alaskaboy19 wrote:I have countless non-member friends who live in families that are what I would call the embodyment of happiness.
These were the kind of experiences that started me on my faith journey. Realizing that the world was not black and white, and that there was much more to a relationship with God then simply finding the “right church”. And I relate to your predicament as well. Going on a mission was a horrifying experience for me. But in the end, it was a good experience, and I attribute a lot of my personal growth in character to it. I will echo what others have already said: you do not have to feel 100% sure about the church to have a great experience on the mission. Some level of doubts is pretty normal. But if you are going through what a lot of us might call a “faith crisis” where those doubts are so sharp that it hurts just to sit through sacrament meeting, it might not be the best idea for now. You will be telling people everyday that you represent the one true church, telling the Joseph Smith narrative, etc. If you would feel dishonest about teaching those things, it could make the mission experience very difficult.
alaskaboy19 wrote:
What might sound strange, is that I prefer to have a personal relationship with God, perhaps through admiring the beauty of nature.
It doesn’t sound strange. I know I feel that way and many others do as well. There is a definite value to the organized, chapel-style worship. There is strength in being around fellow believers. There is strength in having a system of accountability to hold you to your moral values. But sometimes I think we over emphasize communal worship at the expense of personal worship. Most of my deeper spiritual experiences did not come from sitting in a pew, but from time on my own meditating, reading, writing, or enjoying nature.Just to highlight something was said in an earlier comment: 1) My oldest son waited until he was 21 to leave on a mission – and it was the perfect decision for him. It gave him time to make sure the decision truly was his – and it gave him a couple of years to mature. I understand fully why 19 is the standard age, and I have no problem with it being the standard age, but it wasn’t the right age for my son.
2) My second son now is 22 and very well might not go on a mission – for a reason that has nothing to do with doubt (he has a strong testimony and has been a
natural missionary throughout his life) or worthiness (he is temple worthy) or health (he’s a juvenile diabetic, but that wouldn’t stop him from serving a mission). If he decides not to go, I will support him fully; if he decides to go, I will support him fully.
3) I served a mission at 19 and LOVED it – but I knew I had a unique view of lots of things and focused on listening to people, building real relationships, teaching the basics of the Gospel in the discussions and serving others. I also was mature enough to not get caught up in any numbers pressure. I just let it roll and didn’t worry about it.
If you want to read a post about how I view joy and my mission (and other things that relate), read the following:
“The Foundation of Joy”( http://thingsofmysoul.blogspot.com/2008/12/foundation-of-joy.html Like you, I didn’t have a rock solid, spritual, I know the chruch is true, type of testimony. Actually, that is why I went on a mission. I would hear RM’s describe how spiritual their missions were and I felt that’s what I needed to do in order to have that assurance. If you read my intro post you’ll see that my mission was the worst two years of my life. You need to know before you go that there are missions where love is the rule and are very spiritual and there are others (like mine) which preisthood leaders use as a stepping stone for more prestigious callings, where love of the people and the spirit are not the main goal but gaining statistics and basically trying to impress your preisthood leaders. I read somewhere where one young man had doubts about the dogma of the church and was told by his bishop that he should just go and convert the people to Christ and that tactic worked for this young man. yankeedownunder wrote:I read somewhere where one young man had doubts about the dogma of the church and was told by his bishop that he should just go and convert the people to Christ and that tactic worked for this young man.
Even though I didn’t have really serious doubts about the church during my mission, I was a little uneasy about some of the dogma, and there were times that I took this more general approach. It worked pretty well for me, just be aware that you’ll have to deal with some pressure from other missionaries who believe you need to be more bold in declaring the church as the one and only way.
Thank you all so very much for your wonderful words of advice. I’m so thankful that I still have time to ponder my decision. There is lots of pressure for me to go on a mission. It is hard to ignore at times. In my younger childhood, I was very timid. I think I’ve matured and eliminated that as I’ve sharpened my ability to be independent. But I’ve developed a suspicion and hatred for the possibility of being decieved or used to progress someone else’s agenda. I want to serve God. If God desires me to serve a mission for the LDS church, I’m sure he will manifest it. If he doesn’t he won’t.
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