I need of advice (Atheism and being LDS)

[Anonymous]

Greetings all,

I am in a very strange place right now…

My sister who is 17 years older than me (I am 32) who is not LDS but is a rather strong minded bible thumper was really hitting me hard in conversation recently. It made me so reactive that I finally argued much of what I had read that argues discrediting christianity in general.

Needless to say she wants nothing to do with me and has ceased and eliminated all contact.

In the process I let it be known that atheism is where I am at currently in social media. It has been a group of mixed reactions to say the least.

But despite this, I am still interested in going to church occasionally and I am not quite sure what to make of it.

I guess you could say I have an atheist mind and a LDS heart. Does that make sense at all? I am not sure how else to put it.

What is terrible and enlightening at the same time is all of my research in seeking after the truth has brought more questions than answers. In the end I have concluded so far that proving a particular religion to be more correct than others is nigh impossible.

To add more complications to the issue I am going through a divorce…and my soon to be ex-wife is suddenly reactivating herself in church and the local ward that I’ve moved into wants nothing more than to talk ‘reunification’ so I haven’t been attending even though I’ve wanted to.

I guess you could say i’ve been thinking of attending my local ward anyway and taking of the sacrament and praying. What is weird is there is a part of me in my heart that believes…almost like my inner child…but the adult side of me…says its all crap. Does that seem to make any sense at all?

I’m really struggling these days…depression is surely around from time to time…but who wouldn’t be? I am in a strange place…I love so much of the church…yet I don’t really believe in hellfire or gays being evil. I am a pro science atheist with a humanist heart that desires to love and serve others.

I miss church…yet I am darkened over the fact I don’t see how I can make it fit without hating so much of myself that is not traditional.

I am a convert in Florida so I am nowhere near Utah…none of my family are members outside of my estranged wife and my step son. We have two kids together and two from her previous marriage…I love them all so much as my own…wanting to be a good example to them.

I apologize for this being so unfocused…a bit of free writing and desperation and fatigue all mixed together into one. I am up for any advice or suggestions on how on earth to deal with this reality of being an atheist minded lds heart filled human being.

Thanks all,

-Jorsen

[Anonymous]

Jorsen,

Welcome to the forum. Thanks for sharing your feelings and your situation. These things can be hard. I hope you find support from this group as we reach out and share our stories and advice with each other.

My first thought when reading your post is that you have lots going on. It is important to try to compartmentalize some of them, and not conflate issues, which complicates things and makes it hard to look for solutions or next steps, one at a time.

Your divorce will be hard. Your relationships with others may fit in and around those circumstances. And your faith and belief is personal for you only. These things all may be going on at once for you, so prioritize what you need in your life now to help you find peace.

I think you can have your doubts, or your belief in an atheistic way, and still find value in attending church and looking for value teachings and service opportunities. You may just need to adjust your thoughts or language to make it work. It can be done. For example, others at church speak of an anthropomorphic god that loves us, and we love each other as children of God. You can translate that to loving your neighbor, regardless of whether you feel there is a God running the universe or not. That’s one approach…fit the church experience into your personal faith, and own your religion.

It is not necessarily dishonest or hypocritical, if you are studying and sincerely seeking. And you never know if someday you change your mind on your beliefs. You’re allowed to do that.

Welcome to the group. I wish you peace, my friend.

[Anonymous]

I have almost no time right now, but I want to welcome you to this forum. You definitely will find understanding and acceptance here.

[Anonymous]

Jorsen,

Welcome. I feel for you and wish you well. Hopefully you’ll find something helpful here.

Somewhat similar to you, and depending on the day, I consider myself agnostic and/or deist. I believe that God, if He exists, does not take an active role in our lives. Sometimes this depresses me because I have family I love dearly and want to live with forever. My logical side doesn’t believe forever families will happen.

However I believe the positive aspects of the church including ward support, church networking, and service opportunities outweigh the negative aspects.

I am super active in the church, and I try to be authentic in what I say and do, but I lean heavily on “hope” rather than “faith” or the “knowledge” we hear about in every testimony meeting. Rather than believing that I will live with my wife again, I hope it’s true. It’s the best I can do.

Sometimes I find agnosticism liberating. I do not look for blessings in the afterlife and I make decisions about what the right thing is in the present, rather than some afterlife. And paradoxically, I don’t fear death as much. While there’s no happy forever awaiting me, there’s no eternal hell either. And it cuts down on the guilt tremendously.

Again, welcome.

[Anonymous]

Welcome to the forum. You are not alone, there are others here who feel as you do.

Like Roadrunner, I have a deist view of God, but some days I wonder if there really is a God. You don’t have to believe everything to be an active participant in the church. Granted you’ll be better off keeping your doubts to yourself for the most part, it is possible to do as Heber said and make your own private religion within the church. Take what you like, ignore what you don’t (and yes, sometimes that’s difficult). And, as has been said, even if you don’t believe the church is the one true church (or true in any way at all), the ideas of loving our neighbors and doing good are pretty much universal and the church does those things.

[Anonymous]

Welcome! Don’t worry about having the best written description of your issues. Spew them out and we will see if we can help.

I would mention quickly that I think on http://mormondiscussionpodcast.org/” class=”bbcode_url”>http://mormondiscussionpodcast.org/ just released a podcast of an interview with an Atheist active Mormon. I found it interesting. I just looked to get the URL and I just realized I am a paying podcast member, so I get some podcasts earlier than when they are released. So it should be released in the next month or so.

[Anonymous]

Sorry to read of your troubles. Aside from the other issues, I hope you’ll take time to care for yourself and do some things that make you smile. I also hope you can reconcile with your sister. Life’s too short.

You absolutely can be atheist and continue to go to church. It’s your choice and no one else’s business. I waver between agnostic and atheist myself and I’m active in church. Only a few family memebers know it though. I’ve heard it helps some people to think of the church as a club or a charitable organization they belong to instead of the one true church of God on earth. I know that’s no always easy, but I say be the kind of member that makes you happy and still allows you to serve others in the way you want to.

[Anonymous]

So sorry to hear about some of your challenges! I’m not sure what the best way to reconcile your atheism and your Mormonism is but you might check out some of the articles at this site: http://www.sofn.org.uk/

The members of this group take a kind of “nonrealistic” approach to religion that might resonate with you.

Welcome to the board!

[Anonymous]

Jorsen wrote:

I guess you could say i’ve been thinking of attending my local ward anyway and taking of the sacrament and praying. What is weird is there is a part of me in my heart that believes…almost like my inner child…but the adult side of me…says its all crap. Does that seem to make any sense at all?

Hi, Jorsen – Glad you’re here. I think a lot of people here feel torn like you. I hope you’ll attend church if you really want to and that it’ll be peaceful and supportive for you.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes that inner child is telling us something that we should not dismiss.

Quote:

Mosiah 3:19 For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.

I think the scriptures remind us that listening to that inner child is valuable.

Quote:

1 Cor 13: 11 When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

12 For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.

13 And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.

And yet the scriptures teach us that we no longer think as a child does.

But perhaps there is a way to take these teachings and remind ourselves that the inner child is telling us something about ourselves, and we should not ignore it, but accept we see through the glass darkly, and apply the humility and purity of the child into the adult world we now live.

Charity, being the greatest.

[Anonymous]

I really appreciate everyone taking the time to respond.

In some ways i feel out of place even here but I think that may be incorrect.

Being a convert, I have no family in the church outside of my soon to be exwife and stepson (who doesn’t believe anymore).

I went to the temple in Orlando (I am from Tampa) and only stayed in the lobby as I didn’t have a recommend.

I felt so happy and at peace there…

I have such fears sometimes…I miss the spirituality of my youth and I miss how the LDS seemed to bring a fusion of spirituality and reason.

I am separated and bracing for divorce. I know that the divorce is the right thing. Do I have to be a sinner saved by grace? Do I have to proclaim myself worthless and without hope if I have no atonement? Do I have to lose myself only to be built up in the image of another’s desires?

Even though I have never received my endowment or been married for time and all eternity, I still wish I could have a temple marriage.

I went to a bar recently…there was so much craziness there! Just not my thing. An atheist who is a prude? An atheist with morals and a desire to be virtuous? Am I am atheist at all?

I go home and read The God Delusion or god is not Great, and then read the Book of Mormon another day and the Bible. I listen to conference talks and read fairmormon blogs and listen to podcasts.

I know I wasn’t born Mormon, but I love its people and I wanted…so badly for its culture to be my culture.

Now I am afraid of never fitting in. The soon to be divorced man who doesn’t even have the higher priesthood yet as I am only a priest.

I have two girls of my own along with one boy and girl step child.

I love them all so much!

I want to be a good example. I fear venturing into any church for fear of being wrong and giving my children wrong ideas.

Thank You for welcoming me here!

[Anonymous]

It sounds to me like you’re exactly the kind of person who fits in here. Most of us have very conflicting ideas swirling around in our heads. I’m not in the middle of a divorce, but many here have been through that. Being divorced and being a member don’t have to be mutually exclusive. You can be both if you choose.

As far as swinging back and forth about your feelings on God, I can totally relate. Some days I’m pretty sure there’s no God and then another day something happens, and I feel like I’ve had something of a spiritual experience. Some days at church I’m fine and I enjoy it. Others times I want to run for the door every other minute.

I think what we’re trying to tell you here is that you can be a member on your own terms. Go slow as you work to figure it all out. You don’t have to make a decision today. I would also recommend getting some counseling if you aren’t already. What you’re going through would be very difficult for anyone. It helps to have an objective listener.

[Anonymous]

Jorsen wrote:

I fear venturing into any church for fear of being wrong and giving my children wrong ideas.

I understand fears.

But while they are sometimes helping us make sure we are being smart or careful…they shouldn’t run our lives. Make choices out of love for your kids, not fears you’ll do something wrong.

I do stuff wrong all the time as a parent. But my kids know I keep trying. They will find you are their hero…despite your missteps. They just want to be loved. That’s most important. The other stuff gets taken care of.

[Anonymous]

Welcome Jorsen.

I second the idea of compartmentalizing the different parts of you current mess, so that they don’t get mixed up in the deliberations and choices you’ll have to make in the next little while.

I am currently a hopeful agnostic/deist. But I recognize a real spiritual component in my reality. Are you spiritual as well as atheist? Does a Mormon sacrament meeting fill you spiritually? Do you value the comraderie there in the Church? Keep going if it helps bring you peace.

I’ve been reading Carl Sagan lately, and I have come to find his approach to the universe helpful to me. He seems to be skeptical but agnostic about God. But he has this real hope for mankind that appeals to me. I think there is (or should be) room for Atheist or Agnostic Mormons to participate in the blessing of all mankind along with all of our brothers and sisters in the Church. Keep us posted.

[Author]

Posts