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Just something to consider: Most of our pain comes from actual experiences, but much of our angst comes from worry over things that never come to pass.
I know Ray 99% of the things I worry about do not come to pass and it is worthless to worry. I tell myself that all the time but sometimes like this time it didn’t work. I was relieved after talking to the Bishop but then I went to bed last night wishing this journey never happened and I could have accepted that calling. But I know that eventually this experience will be a growing one and I know I am already growing. But does anyone feel like they are on the outside looking in? That is how I feel and it is a lonely place. But I feel hope when I come here because I see so many of you have gone through the same thing and have made it on the other side.
Fwiw, it’s not so much that I’ve made it through and am on the other side. It’s more that I’ve chosen intentionally to engage from within (am on the “same side”) but just with a different perspective. I know this is simplistic, but it really is about learning to be comfortable with yourself enough that you are willing to sacrifice for the group – even some things that seemed important when it was all about you. I’m NOT saying it was “wrong” to be in the stage when it was all about you. That’s a pretty good definition of Stage 4 in many ways, and it simply is inevitable for those who run headfirst into the wall.
The key, imo, is to stop trying to get around or over the wall, so you can be on the other side. They key, imo, is to learn to take apart the wall so there no longer is anything separating you – no “sides”, if you will. Maybe that deserves a different post, but I’ll leave it here for now.
Old-Timer wrote:The key, imo, is to stop trying to get around or over the wall, so you can be on the other side. They key, imo, is to learn to take apart the wall so there no longer is anything separating you – no “sides”, if you will. Maybe that deserves a different post, but I’ll leave it here for now.
Love it Ray!! Well said.Ray, you and many others here have such a talent with words. I love the description of the wall. Thanks Thanks for the update Peaceandjoy! I am glad it went well. I am sorry you are feeling conflicted. I can relate to that soooo well!!! I am reading Dale Carnegie’s book “How to stop worrying and start living.” What a great book! There is a quote that really resonated with me…”You and I are standing this very second at the meeting place of two eternities; the vast past that has endured forever, and the future that is plunging on to the last syllable of recorded time. We cant possibly live in either of those eternities-no, not even for one split second. But by trying to do so, we can wreck both our bodies and our minds. So lets be content to live the only time we can possibly live…from now until bedtime. “Anyone can carry his burden, however hard, until nightfall.” Thanks Phase III I will have to get that book from the libray. I love to read. I’m feeling better and better about my decision.
Thanks for your support!
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