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Amen, Orson. jmb275 wrote:I don’t really want to be a member of the church anymore
I take that to mean you don’t druther. And I think we can all sympathize, just like we’d druther not get out of bed sometimes. But I assume you feel in your deepest soul that there is some “veggies” to staying LDS. Speaking for myself, I honestly feel any church might do. But I would not be as effective a member of any other church. I am LDS. LDS is my premortally chosen tribe. So, I am saying I want to Stay LDS.
The issues that burn in your mind and heart are deeply important. They hurt real people. Real solutions are needed. Real pain needs to be healed. The caravan is not moving in the right direction. There is serious mechanical trouble. And the solution is deep within the inner part of your soul.
jmb275 wrote:I must say, a lot of what I hear here so far sounds a lot like excuses to stay in the church
I think you and I are very much on the same page, jmb. Perhaps that is simply because we are both in relatively the same stage in this journey. Either way, I will be 100% honest about the fact that I feel like I AM making “excuses” to stay in the church on pretty much a daily basis. I could literally divide a sheet of paper down the middle and make a list of pros on one side and cons on the other. I think on some days the list of pros would seem longer, and on other days the cons would tip the scale. However, for me it all comes down to my family, and for now that trumps any negatives. I absolutely think you can raise great kids inside and outside of the LDS church, but as long as my husband remains committed to the church, I feel like I have no choice but to stay in order to maintain family peace and unity.
What has helped me a great deal recently, and has drawn me closer to positive sites like this forum, is making an effort to focus on the good in any and every church event/activity that I attend. Focusing on the negative accomplishes nothing if you are really trying to find a way to stay active, it only makes you feel more frustrated, and in my case more trapped by my circumstances.
On the flip side, I love coming away from a youth activity (I work in YW) with a good feeling inside, saying to myself “this is why I stay”. If I can focus on those moments and not let the negative ones get to me, then I will be able to view my continued church membership as a positive experience (rather than just a sacrifice for the sake of my family, however noble that may be).
Besides, in my case, I have come to see that my family will not get any great benefit out of having me at church with them if I do it with an angry, bitter attitude (I do still have some Sundays like this though!), so I find I have to make a conscious effort to look for the positive. I am very encouraged by the fact that in serving the youth I am seeing countless positive aspects of the church.
BTW, one BIG positive that has come out of all of this, is that I seem to have a much more open dialogue with my two older kids (aged 12 and 13). I am very honest with them, and we have had some wonderful discussions on the way home from church and firesides.
asha – I enjoyed your comments. I have learned to approach church like I approach the business travel I often have to do. I have things I’m interested in reading or thinking about, I can enjoy just being present in the moment, etc. Then when things don’t go well, I don’t get irritated. It takes a lot of practice, but it’s a good way to live life, and I’ve noticed I’m getting fewer wrinkles as a result – it’s better than Botox! Quote:BTW, one BIG positive that has come out of all of this, is that I seem to have a much more open dialogue with my two older kids (aged 12 and 13). I am very honest with them, and we have had some wonderful discussions on the way home from church and firesides.
I agree this is a great outcome. You can be far more comfortable in your own skin when you get to a Stage 5 mentality.
Thank you all for the positive remarks. I am hopeful. I am empathetic towards you asha about your family. That is particularly difficult. I have often asked myself if I really WANT to stay LDS? It has torn apart my relationship with my mom and her side of the family.. I struggle with it.. I have a wild side that doesn’t want to stay dormant and it puts me in a really bad mood. 
Honestly.. I don’t know!
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