I probably introduced a faith journey

[Anonymous]

I don’t remember if I have ever mentioned this, it happened several years ago. One particularly outspoken man in our ward had mentioned several times in a series of meetings how he had a friend or two leave the church; he superficially mentioned that they claimed to find issues, but then went on to explain that “they found exactly what they were looking for.” My ears heard “if you want to find doubt, you can find doubt.”

After about the third time of hearing this and thinking his attitude could be damaging to these friends and others, I sent him a long and carefully constructed email. Remember this was at a time much closer to my personal crisis. I referenced a couple FAIR articles such as Dr Wendy Ulrich’s piece on faith and doubt, and Davis Bitton’s “I don’t have a testimony of the history of the church.” I explained (with Bro Bitton’s help) that sometimes members hold expectations that are out of line with the factual truth, and when this is discovered it can result in a crisis of sorts. I explained that I passed through a difficult time that caused me to examine every last detail of my beliefs. I did find significant unfounded expectations that I had to let go, but ultimately I realize I could hold on to the basic and core message of the gospel. My conclusion was I thought it could be hurtful to place the blame on someone when they discovered something that shattered their personal expectations.

There was no reply but the next time I saw him he approached me to say that was the longest email he had ever received, and he read every word. He also mentioned he never reads the full text of emails – I think to make a point that it caught him in some way. He also tried to draw similarities between what he had previously said and the point of my email, but it hit me as a “twist.” I was not completely comfortable in that conversation at that place and time, and excused myself – I think sending a message that I didn’t want to talk about it (not my intention).

So as time went on he seemed unusually quiet or absent. Many months or year later he made a comment about episodes of depression in his history. Sometime later he taught a class and in passing mentioned he views many different works of other religions as scripture, and continuing to the present has mentioned several things such as cultural expectations to “know” and other items that buck political conservatism etc. To me his tune has changed from the date of my email.

I wonder if I effectively dropped a bomb and then ran from the scene. A few times since I have made a point to tell him I appreciate his comments and agree with many of his points, but there has been no attempt to engage on any church related topic by either of us.

Just thinking out loud I guess. I wonder if I introduced a struggle, and if I should or shouldn’t have.

[Anonymous]

I don’t put much stock in “should have” when viewing the past. We do what we think is best at the moment – what we think we should do. Hindsight might change how we would have done it in the past, but we don’t have the benefit of hindsight in the moment.

I don’t like the Priesthood ban, for example, but I can’t say the people then, including Brigham Young, “should have” acted differently. They were who they were and acted as they thought they were supposed to act – so the only possible “change” is what can be done afterward with increased light and knowledge.

You did what you did at the time, because you thought it was right to do. Don’t second-guess your past self; try to use what you learned from it and let it influence how you act the next time a similar situation occurs. You might act differently, but you might not. It will be what it will be.

[Anonymous]

Thanks Ray, you make some very good points, and I probably take too much credit – as if there are no other influences in a life but me and my emails. 😆 At any rate I see evidence of personal growth which I think is a good thing. If the result was leaving the church and resulting family problems etc. that would be a different story.

[Anonymous]

Quote:

I probably take too much credit – as if there are no other influences in a life but me and my emails.

I wish everyone who participates here understood that basic concept better – on both sides, with credit and blame. 🙂

[Author]

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