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I’m 20 years old and have been raised religious my entire life. Mormon to be specific. But I feel like if I stop being that active I’m going to hurt my parents feelings and that’ll make them feel bad because my older brother has already left the church. However, he’s a very messed up person. But yeah, I don’t know, I just honestly feel like it’s restricting me from actually enjoying life and what not. I live in a very heavily goody good Mormon area. Basically my town is ran by Mormons. And it’s just hard because when it comes to politics I don’t really have those Republican-Mormon views. I’m more democratic to be honest. I’m transferring to a University 99 miles away from home this spring, but yeah. I just really don’t know what to do. And no, I’m not interested in joining other religions. What’s even more sad is that I teach the 11/12 year boys. And I just don’t understand why I got put in there. Because I’m really not the greatest example either. I’m that type that drinks Red Bulls all the time and looks at porn and what not. I’m just basically really screwed up! Heck, if Weed weren’t illegal in my state I’d probably smoke it. I just feel like I don’t have a testimony and really don’t know if this church is true or not. I really don’t know the steps on how to either.
I just don’t understand this. Now, I’m not greatest Mormon out there. I am basically going through the motions. If you remember me from before, I’ve talked about how I hate where I live and it’s full of goody goods. I don’t go to my local singles ward either because it’s ran by the same people who ran my high school. And that’s the judgmental goody good Mormon kids who’s parents buy them nice cars and what not. Heck, the majority of those girls in that ward are pretty shallow to. They seem to only be interested in the Return Missionaries. I can’t serve because of medical issues. So it’s just annoying seeing all these RM’s who most of them don’t even keep the standards when they get home from their missions being sealed in the Temple. It doesn’t help that my Dad’s the stake president either, it really doesn’t.
I’ve also like mentioned before that I was supposed to transfer to a University. But apparently they didn’t accept me because they wanted me to raise my GPA and then once I do that, they said they’d be more than happy to take me this spring. So just the thought of having to stick around here through the fall literally makes me want to barf. No friends, no girlfriend and really no life. I’m planning on finding a job though. I will also be attending my Community College again, for the 3rd year in a row to knock out some credits for that AAS.
I just really honestly don’t know what to do. There’s a member of the stake presidency that’s been meeting with me every now and then. He’s actually known me since I was 9 years old so he and I are pretty good friends. But yeah, we don’t meet anymore. I did have a bishop who would meet with me quite a bit and he knew the situation with regards to the medical problems about a mission and what not. But then, we got a new bishop last summer. And since then, not a word from him.
So I just feel like I’m in a tough spot. I know I’ve consulted with a friend once. And he told me that once I get out and start being on my own, is when I will really find out whether the gospel is true or not. And he’s someone who’s a convert!
This is going to be much easier to say than to do, but: Focus on the positives and the future, not the negatives and the present.If you have to wait for a semester to start college (which I understand, since I work in college admissions), focus on school and improving your grades. It’s a good thing to help your future.
If you don’t have a girlfriend, focus on other things – and realize that lots and lots of lots of 20-year-olds don’t have girl/boyfriends. It’s not only Mormon culture that sees 20 as somewhat old in the dating world, but it’s one of relatively few in the developed world. You aren’t old in that area; you actually are relatively young.
Etc., etc., etc.
Try to find a different circle of friends outside the church, but who have decent values. I found some when I joined some ventures outside the church. I would stop being dependent on church leaders for support if you can help it. Also, pray for a resolution to the problem. By the way, all those shallow girls — it’s great they’ve marked themself as unsuitable for you — at least you know now.
If I knew you better, I might be able to give some better advice — and by the way, we’ve learned its a hard sell to share true doubts with local leaders. It’s a wildcard about what will happen if you do. Talk here instead.
One thing to try to come to fully feel and believe, is that you are OK the way you are. Right now and exactly how you think. You are OK to be who you are. And you should know that God loves you as you are. All else is details and is about your journey in this existence and what you can learn, what you choose to believe, and what you go and do…who you become.
There is no “one way” to be. There is pressure in church and in some communities to conform. But sometimes we place that pressure more on ourselves than actually is what is required of us from others.
Take some deep breaths, and tell yourself you are fine. God wants you to be your best self. So start where you are, and be patient to look ahead with faith that you will figure out what is good for your life. The church has so many good things you can have in your life, even if you are democrat, or liberal, or agnostic, or anything. We make the mosiac more beautiful by each piece being unique and colorful, not identical to others. So, embrace diversity, see that you can have a place to fit in with it, even if different, know that you have something to offer the 11/12 yr old boys that others would not…so go be a good influence and roll model for them, and care for them as individuals so they are served, and make a difference.
But don’t feel you can’t be in the church because you have different views. If others make you feel that way, show them the same patience and acceptance you want to be shown when you go to church.
Don’t worry about Red Bulls…worry about your heart, and how you feel love and show love to others. Focus on the important things. Let the rest take care of itself. When you reach 45 years old, you’ll realize you are still trying to figure it out and learn about life. So … be patient and go learn. And enjoy life, and follow wise advice, and avoid pitfalls that will limit your opportunities in the future.
You are not as different in the church as you think you are.
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