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Well, It has been quite some time since I found and began reading the posts here. I found this site along with FacesEast in April after my wife said that she did not believe. Though the road has been rough since I accepted my wife’s beliefs, it has been worth it. I grew up in a family that did not hide from the facts of church history. My living room was a library of church history. Though I did not read many of those books s I grew up, I listened to the discussion my parents had when I was around, so was aware of many things that are difficult in church history. Some things seemed to make sense but I didn’t delve into them to much. I just placed them on the shelf in my mind. I figured that if my parents were ok with it, then I could be too.
That has no longer been the case since my wife and I have talked through things since April. As I have read and thought through what my beliefs are, I find that I am conflicted. I feel that I should stay in the LDS community, but not believing all that the community teaches. I am having a hard time determining what is true to me and what isn’t, more specifically being able to remove my ingrained teachings and determining the truth for myself. To me many things feel true because I have been told they were all my life and so I am afraid to push that aside and look at it without those feelings. “What if I am wrong?”
I think that now I am ready to start asking questions.
Welcome to the StayLDS community Silverboh. I hope we can provide support to you in your journey, and that we can also grow from your participation here with us. Welcome to the community! silverboh wrote:I think that now I am ready to start asking questions.
Well, IMHO, there is no asking place that is a better blend of safe, inspiring, and motivating than here. I am glad you are here.
just me wrote:Well, IMHO, there is no asking place that is a better blend of safe, inspiring, and motivating than here.
I have to agree. I have been reading here and over at NOM as well as just reading books and other stuff online, and I feel most drawn here. You make everyone comfortable to say what they need to say without making them too cautious. I definitely have to thank everyone here for that.
Welcome. Welcome. Were there any particular things your wife struggled with that you want to find out more about? I think it can be a scary time to wonder where the next path in life leads you…wondering if it is going to turn out good or not, but I think what is most important are the relationships we have and placing those relationships at the tops of our list is more important to me than obedience to little things we often worry ourselves over. Let yourself be free to ask what you’ve always wanted to learn…I don’t think you’ll find people on this site will judge you for it…we may not know answers, but we all like to support each other as we seek them.
Glad you’re here.
My wife never really had a testimony. There are a lot of parts to that story, but I originally became aware of some of her concerns after our second son was born and we found that he was born with a genetic disorder. She was very upset at God. She brought up concerns every so often, but I did not take it to seriously. The main concerns she has discussed with me were over polygamy, Prop 8, and the authoritarian nature of aspects in the church. I understood what she was saying, but mostly ignored it and did not believe that she was really that concerned about those things. If I could shelf them and not think about them, why couldn’t she? Move on 3 or so years to this past April, and she finally got it through my thick skull that she was serious about what she believed and that she could not keep up a facade. We had recently moved out of student housing and into a new city, so it was pretty easy for her to make a clean break.
Right now my concerns stem around the temple mostly, but that should probably be brought up in a different part of the forum. I will work on organizing my thoughts and put together a post, unless I find an applicable previous posting.
Also, a little bit more about me, as I didn’t do much intro, so here is a little bit more:
I am 27 years old. My wife and I have 2 boys who are a handful, but worth every minute of craziness we have at our house.
Quote:I am 27 years old. My wife and I have 2 boys who are a handful, but worth every minute of craziness we have at our house.
Rookie!!
Welcome silverboh I am a recent member of the board and can say with conviction that this is the best place I have found (and I have been looking for over a year and trying stuff out) to work out issues and get some good help. The thing is, the people here have all undergone serious “dark nights of the soul” and more or less, a bit, for a little time each day, come out the other side. We are all in process and are more than willing to share.
I would suggest that even if it seems that another thread has the information that you are looking for that you start a new thread with your temple concerns, people here are very understanding and some of the threads are very long (I am still trying to get through the Joseph Smith thread and am now at page 10
😮 , out of 16 or so). No one is going to tell you that we’ve already discussed that but will share with you their ideas on your specific concerns.Looking forward to the conversation, but remember we are sometimes silly
🙄 silverboh wrote:Right now my concerns stem around the temple mostly, but that should probably be brought up in a different part of the forum. I will work on organizing my thoughts and put together a post, unless I find an applicable previous posting.
thanks for sharing more. Sounds like you have your hands full and life is busy. I look forward to hearing more from you. I would just share with you that for me, it has been helpful to realize that life doesn’t work out to be a “fairy tale” ending very often, and we often have expectations on how life was going to be in the church, all nice and neat. My challenges with dealing with the church now were set off by family events that I couldn’t control, but I really felt strongly (call it inspiration or whatever) that loving my wife and my kids was more important than anything else…if I can’t build my relationships and love for them, the church wouldn’t be able to save me in spite of my family relationships. It has become for me, a journey to understand what is really important about the church to me, and let go of things that were just expected of me at church but creating conflict at home. And yet, at the same time, I felt the responsibility to continue to be an example and the priesthood holder in the home to help teach the scriptures and the lessons my family needs to learn.I don’t know if you feel similar to that in any way, but I found there is so much to learn about God through nature, through other good books, through love and service, and balance that with church stuff I was scared to let go of before. It doesn’t have to be black and white…all church or hate the church…you can allow yourself to grow your faith into stage 4 and 5 as Fowler describes it. Welcome to the forum!
Wow! I agree with so much you said just now. When this first started to happen, I looked at my wife and knew that she was and is a good person, no matter what someone in the church may think becasue of her disaffection. I hate that such thoughts continue in our church today. My wife and boys come foremost in my life and that was why all of this has happened, at least I feel that way. My parents library did not just include the church history stuff. My parents have studied from many “good” books and have instilled that respect for knowledge that I feel has helped me on this path.
I guess my concern is throwing the baby out with the bathwater accidentally. I am afraid to let go of something prematurely. I definitely feel that that is how I will have to continue in the LDS church if I want to stay, but it is hard when things you don’t agree with are discussed in church.
Welcome, silver!! This forum could be a great help to you in working it all out. I know it has been for me. silverboh wrote:I am 27 years old. My wife and I have 2 boys who are a handful, but worth every minute of craziness we have at our house.
Hey me too, except they are girls. Welcome
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