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Did I disrespect your point of view or experiences? Am I debating? Am I not allowing other opinions? If I did any of these things show me so I can change my ways because I don’t want to do any of that. I wasn’t aware I had done it. rcronk wrote:Did I disrespect your point of view or experiences? Am I debating? Am I not allowing other opinions? If I did any of these things show me so I can change my ways because I don’t want to do any of that. I wasn’t aware I had done it.
Some of your comments are worded is such a way that indicates “this is the way it is” seemingly without room for diversity of other points of view. As an example, adding “I believe” or “I think” to the beginning of the following sentence makes a big difference:
Quote:Thoughts and feelings come from: 1) our own mind, 2) from God, or 3) from Satan.
I believe thoughts and feeling all come from inside us without supernatural interaction. I don’t believe in an actual Satan or that God interacts with us in that way.
rcronk wrote:Thoughts and feelings come from: 1) our own mind, 2) from God, or 3) from Satan. Each one of us must try to figure out which of those three it comes from and be humble about it too. In my experience, to die inside (I’m assuming this is fear or repulsion) when thinking about something isn’t an answer from God, but is fear, which can come from my own mind or from satan. Hey that’s where most of my thoughts and feelings come from – welcome to “normal.” It’s normal and natural to have such fear in the absence of knowledge that probably only God can give us. I think that’s completely reconcilable. Some people might even have enough faith to accept it without extra knowledge from God, but I’m not one of those people and Joseph Smith wasn’t either, so we’re in good company. I believe it took a huge angel with a drawn sword to convince him to stop dragging his feet with it.
You seem to be implying that ptree’s feelings on this subject come from within or from Satan whereas your own perspective comes from God. This inherently devalues ptree’s feelings as being misguided or deceived. People like ptree (and me) come to StayLDS because we want to stay connected to the church but it is hard when for whatever reason we do not fit the mold. We have already been told many times to read the scriptures or pray harder for a mighty change of heart. For whatever reason that formula doesn’t seem to work for everybody. At some point that type of answer becomes not only unhelpful but actually dismissive of our feelings. (I come to you with a problem – you tell me to pray until I no longer see a problem.) It will shut down the conversation and people like us will end up suffering in silence or leave the church altogether.
rcronk wrote:I think if we can speak candidly in truth with love, then we don’t have to walk on eggshells or not speak of truth we have experienced.
We cannot have conversations if we are to take the position that we speak truth and others are misguided. Are we willing to learn from others and incorporate their experiences into our framework or do we seek to convince them of our truth? If we are to keep the dialogue going I believe we must frame our perspective as limited – “this is my experience but your experience may differ.” For me this is all about speaking with respect.
DarkJedi wrote:Perhaps a formal introduction is in order. Intros are great because they help all of us to see where others are coming from.
I agree with DJ. I would love to hear your story and it will help to add perspective and context to your comments.
Ray– don’t worry, no more p*lyg*my talk. It was more of a side note anyway. DarkJedi– Yeah, I’ll post an introduction. I try to put “I think” or “I believe” before most of what I say, but I miss some so thanks for the reminder. We do agree about thoughts coming from our own minds, so at least I covered the bases big enough it seems to have included your point of view as well. As for God and satan – I have seen an evil spirit and have had strong personal experiences with God, Christ, and the Holy Ghost and have noticed how they interact with my thoughts, so my three sources are based on my own experiences. So I guess I should put “I think” on that since there could be other sources that I haven’t experienced yet. Roy– I was trying to say that we all have thoughts and feelings that come from a variety of places (ptree and myself included). In fact I said “that’s where most of my thoughts and feelings come from” – myself, not God. I continually put myself and ptree and every mortal besides Christ into the same group in that paragraph. In the next paragraph about walking on eggshells, I used the word “we”, which includes me and everyone in the conversation – even everyone who ever wants to discuss such things. I did not put myself above ptree, but put us again into the same group. I’ve been talking to a friend in addiction recovery who himself has similar feelings about being told to read more, pray harder, etc. I have talked to him almost every day about our recovery efforts and his faith crisis for the past 3 years or so. That’s a lot of talking and discovering the intricate details of the trauma involved. I myself would get depressed when the “read and pray” answer came up in conference with regard to pornography addiction. I understand that feeling and experience – about 10 years worth of it. I also understand the post traumatic stress that comes from being in this situation – about 13 years worth – and I’m working my way out of it. Though I won’t automatically assume I have been wrong until someone shows me, I will be more sensitive about my delivery and will try hard to be precise in what I say. And as I said above, I will post an intro. Thanks for the clarification. 
Quote:It’s reached the point where I don’t enjoy visiting home anymore because my step-mom is always there. Don’t get me wrong, she is a great person and has helped my dad out a lot to which I am grateful, but I just can’t get myself to like her. I hate being around her, in fact.
This is always difficult, particularly when you are essentially an adult. It’s almost a second grieving process. It’s difficult because the living parent’s personality often shifts with a new spouse, too. Then the new spouse just emphasizes those irritating elements. It’s nobody’s fault. You just have to be happy for them and try to keep your relationship with your actual parent separate. There’s no law that states you have to love a parent’s new spouse. Human history shows the opposite to be more likely.
hawkgrrrl wrote:Quote:It’s reached the point where I don’t enjoy visiting home anymore because my step-mom is always there. Don’t get me wrong, she is a great person and has helped my dad out a lot to which I am grateful, but I just can’t get myself to like her. I hate being around her, in fact.
This is always difficult, particularly when you are essentially an adult. It’s almost a second grieving process. It’s difficult because the living parent’s personality often shifts with a new spouse, too. Then the new spouse just emphasizes those irritating elements. It’s nobody’s fault. You just have to be happy for them and try to keep your relationship with your actual parent separate. There’s no law that states you have to love a parent’s new spouse. Human history shows the opposite to be more likely.
I’m a stepfather and it’s very difficult. It’s really easy to hate a stepparent no matter what they do. Fortunately, after several years of rough times, my stepdaughters and I are doing ok. I hope things get better for you.
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