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… Greetings other stayers. I’m a female non active LDS. And I just can’t leave my faith but can’t seem to practice it either. I’m more of a literalist than most others here but I’ve had to many spiritual experiences in the past, both positive and negative. The majority have been negative, almost satanic. That leaves me a choice of either believing I’m schizophrenic or there really is a good vs evil, God vs the devil dynamic going on behind the scenes of our abilities to perceive while we struggle with limited knowledge, circumstances and conditions we we born into, etc., all the while exercizing our free agency to see which side we choose when not in the presence of heavenly parents/environment. I have spent many days reading the different boards. I have read most everything even some old but goodies from 2009 to present. I so glad lm not alone in my FC but it is still possible to staylds. l was excommunicated when i was 18 or19 for having a child out of wedlock and I wanted yo become anti… I really did. I just couldn’t. Something I can’t articulate wouldn’t let me. So i finally got rebaptized. However, I can’t seem to endure being active. The socializing (Im an introvert), the manuals, white/ shirts no beards , Pharisaic like policies, the polygamy-historical issues make me detest attending regularly. Thank goodness I found this “quasi-ward” and know I’m not the only one who feels compelled to stay for whatever reason.
I don’t know why I posted this twice. A 1000 apologies and perhaps the moderators will delete the duplicate rachael wrote:I don’t know why I posted this twice. A 1000 apologies and perhaps the moderators will delete the duplicate
We’ll just chock up the double post to your “schizophrenia”
😆 😆 Welcome to StayLDS, now I’m not the only kooky one here!
Welcome and I hope you find this site to be helpful. It has been for me and I think I am only pushing past 2 months on this site. Welcome, I’m glad you found us. Be as kooky as you want as long as you are as respectful of us as we will be of you! 
Welcome to our own island of misfit toys. 🙂 Quote:I can’t seem to endure being active.
Then don’t. Be as active as you can be, in whatever way makes the most sense for you. Hold onto your own defining experiences and worship God according to the dictates of your own conscience. In the end, you can’t get any more Mormon, theologically, than that – and, at the most basic level, that’s all we teach that God will require.
Quote:Be as active as you can be, in whatever way makes the most sense for you. Hold onto your own defining experiences and worship God according to the dictates of your own conscience. In the end, you can’t get any more Mormon, theologically, than that – and, at the most basic level, that’s all we teach that God will require.
Ray, I love that, and it brought tears to my eyes. Being reminded that we only need do what God requires seems very freeing.
Rachael, welcome. I have not been here long but it has been a welcome place to be when things are hard, and even when they aren’t. I hope you find what you are looking for, I think it’s here if you are really trying to stay LDS. I think I understand where you are coming from. When it is all you have known or you see your religion as defining you (which it often does), leaving it behind even when its hard can be difficult. tI would mean redefining who you are, and I for one just don’t want to spend the energy doing that. Best of luck on this journey, you certainly are not on it alone
🙂 rachael wrote:The socializing (Im an introvert), the manuals, white/ shirts no beards , Pharisaic like policies, the polygamy-historical issues make me detest attending regularly. Thank goodness I found this “quasi-ward” and know I’m not the only one who feels compelled to stay for whatever reason.
Welcome, Rachael!
I’m new here as well, but in the short time I’ve been here, I’ve found nothing but supportive people. Of course, everybody has their own perspective, and accepts different teachings, but this is a safe place to share those differences. I’ve found it to be a great place to be open. I can completely relate to what you said about being introverted, manuals, etc. I don’t usually put myself out there in the ward either. I’ll talk with people if they initiate things, but I don’t actively look for ‘ward friends.’ And I’ve tossed out my white shirts, manuals, garments, etc. I’ve found that the most satisfying way to live the gospel, is to focus on the basic gospel doctrines as presented by Jesus Christ, and not on all of the random do’s and don’ts that have nothing to do with our salvation. That’s where I’ve found my own personal place for now, and everybody finds their own balance. Good luck finding yours, and it will be great hearing more from you in future posts.
By the way, just to put it out there, I wore a red shirt last week and a green one today – and I was asked to help pass the sacrament both days. These things really do vary radically from location to location. Some of the spiritual experiences I have had that keep me comfortable within religion have also involved some…less-than-nice experiences. So I know where you’re coming from if only just a little. 
Welcome to the forum, Rachael. It really doesn’t matter what reason you stay, as long as through it you can find the peace you seek.
Thanks everyone for the warm welcome and your own WofW! All have been helpful. It is challenging here in the deep south to be LDS. There really isn’t a Mormon culture here. Maybe a member might bring green jello to the “eating meeting” on the occasional 5th Sunday but that’s about it. Most non LDS churches are affiliated with the Southern Baptist Convention with the rest being a mix of Evangelical, Catholics, Pentecostals etc.Mormons includedal churches are gaining popularity here too. They are also the most tolerant of others of different faiths since they usually have a general policy of no bashing other denominations (not so with the Baptists ones). Why do I feel like a bit kooky? With some of the rational, scientifically minded Mormons I’m too literal and “Cleon Skousen-esque”. (I did like the 1000 yrs series tho some of his postulations seemed far fetched.) I don’t believe in all the concepts of the theory of evolution (like that life spontaneously began in a primordial soup that evolved to higher forms) nor a young earth either. I don’t really know where people (some mormons included) get the young earth theory by reading Genesis. It simply says that God divided some waters and dry land appeared. He never says ” let there be” either one. It was already there. Maybe for eons.
Yet being anti-evolution, I think science is extremely exciting and I think that perhaps the different quantum theories will bring rationality to religion someday. I really like the concept of super-string theory. It explains how if you were in the 10th dimension you could have god-like power. No linear time exists (like event horizon of a black hole) so you could have all eternity to answer a prayer while innumerable prayers are being sent at once on our linear realm. The whole “Eternal round” alpha-omega thing. Also, if one was in that dimension they would be bigger than the universe and could hold all of creation in their hand. Sounds very Pearl of Great Price-y. And a bit kabbalah-ish.
And since I digressed to Judaism, I firmly believe in a Heavenly Mother. Judaism has some material on a feminine aspsect of God like the”Queen of the Sabbath” and Shekinah”. Only Jewish women can light sabbath candles, and God s presence that manifested in Solomon’s temple was supposedly this Feminine aspect. I speculate that we dont know much about her because PERHAPS it could be some unpardonable sin if we took her name in vain. Like blasphemy against the HG. I guess i am a confirmation bias junkie trying to fit stuff in a mormon paradigm by searching different religions, apochryphas, even stuff considered occultish. But enough of my kooky theories for now. I’m just glad I’ve found a place of acceptance.
[Admin Note]: I fixed your comment to match your notes that followed, then deleted the extra notes. Getting used to a new phone can be rough at first. Thanks Ray! I loved your sage advice and your posts have been indescribably helpful. All of ’em. I’ve been lurking for a while Welcome Rachael, You seem to fit in just fine!
Hi, Rachael – Glad you’re here! I hope that we’ll all feel a little freer at church to let some of our “kook” show.
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