I’m a bishop

[Anonymous]

Yup. I really got a lot from my NOM participation, and made some good friends. I still like to drop in sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Tom Haws wrote:

StealthBishop, when you consider the assumptions that many of the members of your ward bring to their relationship with their bishop, I’m sure it puts a great burden on you to act honorably and morally in this situation. How would many of them react to learn of your emerging heterodox outlook? I’m sure there would be a well-represented contingency with a huge feeling of indignation and betrayal.

What is your obligation in this situation to the principles of openness and integrity? How do you honor that? Do you resign your calling? Do you talk to your stake president? Do you simply start quoting the Bhagavad Gita and the Tao Te Ching in sacrament meeting? Or do you just start sticking more to the Sermon on the Mount and the Parables of Jesus and less to church leader statements? Whose responsibility is it to avoid offending “these little ones who believe in” Jesus?

My wife asked if I would bring up this issue.

Tom

It is a great burden. I think being a bishop is challenging even when you are 100% orthodox. As I have come through this crisis I have had to remind myself to be patient with myself. I’m still sorting things out and getting to the point where I can reconcile my calling as bishop, what I believe about the church and being true to myself and my evolving beliefs.

I have come to see the people in my ward on a quadrant axis of orthodoxy and orthopraxy. Every person in my ward is unique and has their own position on these quadrants. And it is never static. What I found that works for me right now is to try to be filled with the pure love of Christ. I think that is safe territory for me and them. God is love as the Epistle of John says. So I try to have that as much as I can.

As far as how they would react if they truly knew what I was going through–I have no idea. I’m sure we would all be shocked to learn what goes on in the hearts and minds of the people we come in contact with. I would hope if they knew what I was going through they would be compassionate and see that I am trying to do the best I can. With God’s help, I have started to find some reconciliation with my level of orthodoxy and orthopraxy. I’m starting to see a bigger picture. I have thought about stepping down but I think that would cause more harm than good. Many on these boards believe that I can do some good because I know what it is like to be very orthodox and I know what it is like to drift to a degree. Therefore I can have an easier time being filled with compassion and love for every member of my ward no matter where they are at in their unique journey.

I have not abandoned everything. It is not black and white. I do find myself being more centered on Jesus Christ and his teachings. I feel very comfortable with that and as you know there is sufficent overlap in our church to make that a good fit. The words of the Apostles and Prophets have not been discarded for me either. Some of the words make me cringe because I believe they are very neo-old testament. Other words of the Brethren I find to be an excellent fit and very Christ centered. For example, Pres. Uchtdorf”s talk called His Hands was very Christlike and I refer to it a lot.

I have had to find ways to reconcile what it means to sustain the Brethren. Ironically, my studies of the scriptures and church history have helped with this. I know for a fact that it is not uncommon for there to be disagreements and differences of opinion between the brethren. Yet they still love and sustain one another. This is where I am at as well. I know they love me and care about me. I have felt the Spirit many times when many of them have spoken. I would give my life for them because I consider them to be “my friends”. Yet, I do have differences of opinion. I’m not vocal or angry about it. I don’t believe every word that comes out of their mouths is doctrine anymore. Our history clearly shows that Apostles and Prophets are imperfect and fallible. The scriptures are clear on this as well.

Tell your wife that it’s complicated. I have shed many tears. All I can say is that I care about my ward, the brethren, and the church very deeply. But there are times when I get frustrated and upset as well. God and my wife and these boards are my only solace. But it is my responsibility to not offend these little ones and I will do all I can to be a blessing and love those little ones as Christ did and does.

Tough questions. But good questions.

[Author]

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