Im in between

[Anonymous]

So my mom came over yesterday and we went and visited my sisters. Ive been leary to go because my mom has been critical of me at times. The visit went okay but thats my problem it doesnt last. Really thats another problem for another time maybe but today I wanted to talk about the temple. So my mom goes to the temple. Accually she works there. As i said before she is the one person who has stayed active. My mom and the rest of my family assume im the same old church active, spirirual person in the church. My mom and one sister knows a little about my concerns.

So a few weeks ago my mom called and had a couple garments she wanted to give me. Yesterday, since she was coming, i asked her to bring rhem.

As i mentioned before ive not been going to the temple lately and at times having trouble gettinng to church. So i went to church two weeks sgo and didnt go last week. I had decided recently in my mind that i go to church for me and my spiritual stuff even though im struggling with so many things.

So thats it. Im struggling wanting to go to church today. I think i might go but whats hard is it feels like i would be going because i have a temple recomend.

Sorry this is getting long. So as Ive mentioned im a single mom with not alot of money. We manage though. Some times its hard to buy for myself. So i was needing garments a few weeks ago. I was getting low. I was putting it off and just doing with what i had. Well it got to point where i felt i had to make a choice to buy them. So i did. I went out and got them. Now i have a couple tops from my mom.

So i feel im not wanting to get rid of the garment idea. Im not exactly sure if its beauce i believe in them, if its because its just because its what i have been doing and dont want to let it go, or if its because my family thinks of me that way and dont want to have to beable to tell them ive chose not to where them. It might be all all three reasons.

So thats it i need to go to church to hold my temple recomend. I have that recomend right now i think mostly for my mom. Thats hard. I want all these choices to be for me. I want them to be because i want to.

Am i alone in this stuff? Has any one else had trouble with temple attendace and there belief system around all the stuff partaining to it.

To top this off all summer Ive been working with people who either arent active or are non mormons. Mostly these people where good people. They were not making choices that would fit the ” mormon standards”. If i can put it that way. I will tell you this. One of the nicest persons i met during the summer was a lesbian and married. Any ways my point here is during my regular job that starts up next week has all lds strong mormons. They think im an active church goer too. So i feel i have to go for them too. This is hard stuff and i guess i need some encoragement. I feel guilty going and being active for other people but at the same time feel its too much of a risk to decribe myself to my social circle as not being the perfect church goer thay they think i am.

[Anonymous]

Havefaith wrote:

To top this off all summer Ive been working with people who either arent active or are non mormons. Mostly these people where good people. They were not making choices that would fit the ” mormon standards”. If i can put it that way. I will tell you this. One of the nicest persons i met during the summer was a lesbian and married.

Please don’t take any of this the wrong way. Honestly this statement made me audibly laugh. 😆 Seriously, it tickled my funny bone. I don’t know where you live exactly, but I have a real good idea from that statement. So why is it so funny? Because I have never worked in a place where the people were Mormon. One time about 25 years ago I had a job where there was another member there, and he was even in my department! For many of us here your summer experience is every day life. That they are good people is no surprise – only unenlightened Mormons think everybody else is miserable because they’re not Mormons. And my “standards” are not theirs anyway – you need to let that go, it’s exactly the kind of judgementalism church members are so often accused of and that you are bemoaning later in your own post.

Here’s the thing. I believe the story of Jonah to be completely allegorical. It’s got a great moral to the story. The guy sitting next to me might very well believe it to be as literal as literal can be. A few years back I was in a SS where a couple old ladies decided the fish was a grouper. So, my neighbor takes it literally and I don’t – big deal, we both get the same message, and we can actually discuss the thing without either of us knowing for certain the other’s place on the scale of allegory to literal. And there’s no reason for me to tell my neighbor where I am – it doesn’t change anything except the possibility he might judge me. Why make him do that? The moral of this story is you don’t need to go around telling everybody (or anybody) you don’t believe. If you can’t be orthodox, be heterodox and maybe orthoprax and quit worrying about what other people think. You might get some benefit from talking to a therapist about that.

[Anonymous]

So yea thats exsactly it. I learned sometning very valuable this summer. I agree these people i worked with this summer are good people. I was learning that even before this summer but was put in a good position to practice what i told myself i belived. I think it went pretty well.

[Anonymous]

I absolutely loved my girlfriend’s father when we were dating. I loved him even more when he became my father-In-law. I saw things radically differently than he did, but he had a heart of gold. He had an Old Testament mindset with a good heart. I hated some of the things he believed, but I loved him.

He told his daughter (my girlfriend at the time) she would be propositioned when we eventually moved to Boston for me to go to college – because we would be living in the wicked world. It was what it was, because he was who he was – a wonderful man with warped beliefs about some things.

People are complex – all of them. Fully realizing we all truly are biological relatives is the next step beyond the belief that we are spiritual brothers and sisters. We are “equal” as a collective humanity BOTH spiritually and biologically. We are of the same genetic stock at this point; every single one of us literally is related to everyone else if we go back far enough.

Welcome to non-orthodox understanding. It can be difficult, but it is liberating. Letting go of unchangeable “creeds” while learning how to continue to love and serve our own tribe and everyone else is incredibly empowering.

[Anonymous]

Thank you Old-Timer. You put that in just a way that helped me feel more comfotable going to work tomarow with all the people ( there is only 3 people i work with regularly for now) that are orthadox mormon. Two of them more than the other.

Thats what its all about loving everyone right? Thats what God does.

And DarkJedi maybe at that while writing my post, time i was judging. Judging those people in the chuch for believing things i dont anymore. I guess i need to let people be who they are and be okay with who i am.

Thank you again.

[Anonymous]

The good thing about garments is that it does not have to be a 100% or 0% thing. You can wear them sometimes and still meet the temple instruction to wear them “throughout your life”. People (Mormons) might still judge you if they determine that you are not wearing them at a particular point in time but then you can wear them on another occasion and confuse them. :crazy: I feel that there are appropriate times and places to wear them and I never made a covenant to do otherwise (sometimes people say that we covenanted to wear them 100%, but that is incorrect).

Yes, there are many good people out there. Many of them feel the spirit and the hand of God in their lives. I have been thoroughly impressed with the quality of lives that they may lead outside of the LDS church. The LDS church program is turn key ready. It comes pre-programmed and offers near certainty, relative stability, and a community. The LDS way is a good way to live life … it just isn’t the only good way.

There is also an option to be a chapel attending Mormon. You do not need to attend the temple or even hold a TR if you do not want to.

There are trade offs between all of these options and some people may judge you in subtle and non-subtle ways. I have just found that there can be more flexibility in being Mormon than we might expect. Don’t expect your church community to validate any of your non-traditional choices but nor should you go out of your way to advertise them. You do you, I’ll do me. Me being me means being Mormon in my own way.

[Anonymous]

So this is what is so hard. I dont have a calling and really im okay with that right now. Its been over a year since i have had one. So when i worked last year my orthadox members talked about the church quite a bit. At the time there was on more person and she was a inactive member tring to be active. It made it easier because i could talk to her. I just avoided a lot of church conversations including calling talk. It was hard but because the inactive girl was there it made it easier. That particular girl is not there this year.

So today at work the tree of the wee talking about there callings and i just sat there and listened. Is that how to handle that or do i tell them that i dont have one. If i tell them i dont have one it might lead to more questiins i dont want to talk about. So do i avoid those conversatiins all year?

[Anonymous]

Just listen. If they ask, smile and say, “I don’t have a calling right now. I am enjoying the rest for a while.” If you smile wide when you say it, almost all members will nod and laugh and understand. Nobody has to know anything more.

[Anonymous]

Havefaith wrote:

So do i avoid those conversatiins all year?

Good question havefaith,

I believe that you have more than enough Mormon street credibility to get along with your Mormon co-workers. There are so many unique Mormon experiences and jargon that you can understand and identify with. I would hope that LDS conversations do not permeate your workplace every day. I imagine that would be really uncomfortable for any employee that is not a member of the church.

Coping strategies:

You could just listen to what others say.

Smile, appear interested, and ask listening questions (people love to talk about themselves and feel heard).

Maybe relate it back to a calling that you held that you really loved or an faith promoting experience.

If they ask you point blank what your calling is you can tell them that you are between callings right now or that you are focusing on ministering to your ministering sisters assignment.

A long term strategy for staying connected to the church may include asking for a calling that you believe that you can perform and be successful at long term. I only make it to church 50% of the time but have been the bear den cub scout leader for years. I am at the church on wednesday nights anyway with my children for youth activities. I also am the volunteer this week for making sure that the building is secured and locked up at night. I think if I ever get released from the cub scouts thing, I might push for the building security gig. It would allow to perform a useful service to the church and hold a calling to help me stay connected.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the oprions. I think i thought of what will work for me. Church doesnt come up every day at work but as i think about it it probably comes up on average about 3 times per week. Its kind of sad but last years the conversatiion came up. The girl who was becoming active again was still inactive at the time and mentioned how she fellt one day about how athe members treated her. Immidiatly the others asumed this co woeker was taking offence and. encouraged her to come back anyways. This co worker started to cry. Fortunately one girl appologized to her so it was okay. Some things they understand but i get the feeling that at least two of them only see the church as the way to go. I get it. I used to think that too. Ive since talked to this former co worker thats tring to be active again and we see eye to eye on many church related things. I will miss here at work.

Anyways thanks again. Im feeling on track again.

[Author]

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