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What is the difference between what we are doing & discussing on this board and “New Order Mormon” (NOM)? Are there other sites & movements within or outside the LDS church working to understand &/or resolve issues
like we discuss hear?
I have the feeling that I live a very sheltered life.
I discovered StayLDS.com by accident many years ago. It is the only site that I subscribe to.
I’m not sure how much of a difference there would be from site to site, and is subjective. I know the fast food places used to carry Sprite, and then replaced it with Sierra Mist, and now have switched over to Starry Night (to my dismay). I don’t know the factors that caused the shift of what is available to me to consume, and that “a lemon flavored soda” is a “lemon flavored soda”, right? [Nope. I cannot abide Starry Night the soda.]. I do know that StayLDS is one of many sites that do something similar with some nuances.
- Being “an island of misfit toys”, we don’t expect each other to look/act/think the same as each other – we expect diversity (in a sense).
- We don’t have as hugely active a group running conversations.
- There is a focus on life balance and “trading up” in terms of choices.
- Administration is kept to a minimum with deliberate/intentional moderating.
- I also think it is intentionally set up in a format that allows a lot of information and stories to be accessible and relatable as people go through different phases of faith re-working.
I didn’t spend a ton of time looking for an exact match for this group though. I found this place when I really needed it. There are a few other sites with different focuses that I do enjoy, but this place is worth my time and attention:)
The NOM site had a bit of a crisis of its own a few years back and basically shut down then reopened “under new management.” The old NOM site was much more negative than this place, often quite anti and very critical and sarcastic. Sniping and flaming others was not only permitted but even seemed encouraged, and name calling and disrespect for church leadership was widespread and accepted. Leaving the church was celebrated and openly encouraged, it was (and is) not their goal to help those who want to StayLDS. The new NOM mods/leadership there seem less antagonistic and some of the prior behaviors are no longer tolerated, and some of the old stalwarts (and offenders) are no longer there (but some are). I occasionally participate there under a different name, I have seen others from here over there. I perceive them as being more of a “movement” trying to create a new way of doing things within the church while realizing that goal is not really possible – so in some respects they end up similar to here. Except, as earlier stated, their goal is not necessarily to help people stay in the church or navigate the church while holding different beliefs.
The only other place I sometimes visit is Mormon Dialogue. They’re more general and there is a mix of people from very orthodox to not-so-orthodox. There you have to be a little more careful about what you say (they do ban and they ban from posting) but generally if appropriately couched in Mormonspeak you can get your point across (but not usually without pushback).
I have enjoyed Feminist Mormon Housewives, Wheat & Tares, and By Common Consent. I find the content there can have a similar spirit to what we have here. The only other site I was on was LDS.net, now called LDSTalk, I think. That was a faithful, believing site, and the people there were downright mean to me when I gave any nuanced opinions. I never got banned or moderated, but it sure wasn’t a place to be unless you were a True Blue Mormon. There was even someone here who mentioned they weren’t proud of their participation in that site — in their treatment of fringe Mormons like myself. Most of my in involvement in the past was on the type of relatively balanced sites Roy mentioned: By Common Consent, Feminist Mormon Housewives, Wheat and Tares, Times and Seasons, Mormon Matters, etc. I saw Mormon Matters blow up and end up getting revamped radically. I enjoyed them each for different reasons and the common theme of trying to strike a balance and avoid extremes. That is what drew me here, originally, and what keeps me here. I believe in respect and support, and I don’t like what swimming in negativity does to people. It is cancerous, spiritually – and even physically damaging, in time. That result is not what I am trying to achieve in my own life, so I avoid that type of swimming pool.
This forum was my island in a storm several years ago and I will always be grateful that I discovered I was not alone in my misgivings and changing beliefs. I felt a lot of comfort in reading your stories, experiences, and methods to navigate a changing faith. For a long time, I persisted as an active nuanced believer, hoping to lift where I stood and doing small things to help the church become an easier and more accepting place for folks like me or folks outside the normal TBM mindset– at least in my little corner of the desert. I then moved to become an active non-believer, deciding that I could not affect any real change, but still determined to be a great example of love and compassion to my fellow humans, despite feeling a fair amount of normal animosity towards this corporation that I felt had duped so many people. I wasn’t angry at any person, but it became more difficult to sit through a normal church mtg. I had for years already been very bored but I could usually find a tiny morsel of edification though eventually I felt like my spiritual soul was not being very well fed so I found better ways to spend my time. I still attend some meetings and will go with my wife if she wants to go, but I wouldn’t consider myself active. I consider myself an agnostic theist. I don’t know but hope there is a loving God. It’s a nice thought and I chose to believe it, which gives me some comfort. I don’t think it really matters whether or not it’s true.
This is a long way to get to the StayLDS and NOM comparison. Sorry.
Along my journey, I discovered the NOM forum, which I found to be more active and intellectually stimulating. It’s a bit looser
I can let fly a profane word and it doesn’t get edited. It’s not like I curse frequently or find the need to do it, but that’s just one example of the difference. People don’t curse at each other and belittling comments towards another user gets edited or warned.
Another difference is that some folks there can get into political arguments and discussions. As might be expected, Trump is not particularly favored among a NOM crowd, but there are some who feel the need to defend him and extol his virtues, which causes some contention as you might expect.
And like previously stated, the focus of the NOM forum is not to help people stay LDS but to support them wherever they might be in their faith journey. That’s my take. But honestly, I feel like this forum is the same in that regard, with just a little more press towards supporting and pointing out where the church does well or is helpful.
I look and post on NOM more frequently primarily because it’s more active. But I greatly appreciate both forums.
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