- This topic is empty.
-
Posts
-
Old-Timer wrote:
Anyone want to take a quick poll of everyone here and see what percent advice talking to the Bishop about faith crisis concerns as the first, most important step?
😆 Ray. I think you need to talk to your bishop about your advice to people to not talk to their bishop.
Quote:Ray. I think you need to talk to your bishop about your advice to people to not talk to their bishop.
😆 😆 😆 However, in all seriousness:
I have in the past – and to a Stake President – and in High Priests Group – and even, albeit more subtly, in a talk during Stake Priesthood Leadership Meeting. My Stake President thanked me for the chance to think about something he hadn’t considered previously, and my Bishop agreed whole-heartedly with me.
Phrasing and tone can play as big a role in most cases as the words used.
I’m sorry about the abuse you faced, too. I’m wondering why even in our church, that I still believe is true with why some of these things are dealt with better than what they are at times. I guess you could that this situation will improve in the church and try to find support to deal with what you’re dealing with wherever you can find it. rebeccad wrote:Roy, I am so sorry about the loss of your little girl. I have 3 nephews that were stillborn, and I know that my feelings of loss in no way compare to yours, allow me to say that I can’t imagine how difficult that would be. I was heartbroken over my nephews.
Quote:You are not the same as everyone else that attends your ward
I wonder if this is true. I’m guessing there are people in my ward that feel the way I do, I just don’t know how to find them.Loss is very interesting. I have come to the conclusion that it is generally not helpful to compare losses. Just because someone, somewhere went through something arguably worse doesn’t lesson in any way the loss that you are feeling. I am sorry about the loss of your nephews. Were they all born to the same mother or different? I ask because DW and I have waffled on the idea of having more children because of the fear that we could lose another. I am reverent about the pain that each of those stillbirths must have caused, we each deal will it in different ways but there is always an impact.
I must apologize for how obtuse my wording was in attempting to describe my thoughts on ward commonality vs. differences. What I meant was that everyone in your ward is different in many different ways. Prior to your “faith crisis” you most likely emphasized the sameness with the ward and church body of believers and found comfort in the flock. Now that you see some things differently it is only natural that you might be painfully aware of some differences – indeed these differences may be magnified in your perception to giant proportions. These differences are real and for some people in some situations these differences make continued participation with the church body very difficult.
But I suggest that being different is ok, helpful, and needed. The concept of Zion is not of sameness – but of communal love, effort, and cooperation. I believe that with time and effort – you might find that you have enough in common with the other members of the ward that your differences can once again seem less important and the commonalities again bind you in meaningful ways to the church body.
I do not know you well enough to know if any of this applies to you personally. These are just some thoughts that I have. I look forward to getting to know you better and kicking around these types of thoughts here at StayLDS.
Hi, Welcome to the community. Glad to have you here with us to talk about all this stuff you mentioned.
rebeccad wrote:And please don’t advise I talk to my bishop, I did at the very beginning and he was very disingenuous and questioned my worthiness. I don’t have any worthiness issues, just testimony issues.
FWIW, we generally advise the opposite — not to run immediately to your bishop at temple recommend time to discuss faith/testimony issues. I wish it were different. I really do, but there are far too many bishops and stake presidents that aren’t capable of counselling people about faith transition in a more nuanced and complex way, mostly due to lack of training and their own place in their faith journey. Another major problem is that bishops are “judges in Israel” and are not neutral as mentors. Their first role, unfortunately, is to judge you.
I’ve been fortunate to have really good guys as bishops over the past many years. They were truly caring men. They were very accepting and tolerant. They went FAR out of their way to show love to me and my family, and encourage others in the wards to do likewise. BUT not a single one was able to talk comfortably about the controversies of history and doctrinal development. I have tried a few times, but it never turned out well. And I feel like I am very skilled and experienced at this point in talking about these subjects in a positive way.
I wish it were different. I really do.
A belated welcome, rebeccad. I’m confident you will find understanding, humor (sometimes), and some comfort that you’re not alone here. Quote:
Were they all born to the same mother or different?2 were twins that were both stillborn, it is very likely that if the mother had access to outstanding medical care when needed, they would have survived, but although the doctors did all they could with what they had, it didn’t happen. Since then, they have had more children.
1 was to a different sister, it was especially heartbreaking because it came after years of infertility and a miscarriage. I have no idea how she had the courage to get pregnant again, but she did, and now has two more children.
For myself, after having a miscarriage I decided that I didn’t want to risk the wide range of emotions intrinsic to the process of getting pregnant and enduring a pregnancy, so I decided to be happy with the children that I have.
Quote:The concept of Zion is not of sameness – but of communal love, effort, and cooperation.
I agree, there is no one person good or talented enough to make copies of.
i read your posts. it was unfortunate your sister encountered abuse. how is she doing ? is she still active ? is she attending another ward or is she simply inactive ? you use “abuse” as a term. do you really mean she was bullied ?
what is so hard about being bullied in an lds church setting is culturally we are taught to “endure unto the end” and we go to church come hell or high water. i lived a similar experience. i had become an object of gossip. how does one deal with that type of abuse and carry on attending a congregation where that happens ? in my case i got very angry and resentful. i stopped attending church.
i think in cases like that where you feel disrespected, gossiped about, and very socially isolated or ostracized you need to get out, and get out quick. thank goodness i still have my testimony of divinity, the priesthood, etc. some people just stop believing period and maybe get anti-mormon in their stance against the church.
i have seen a former branch president be very critical of individuals in his branch and was quite vocal against the person or persons. that happens. i’ve seen it. but, in retrospect, i see it as just a lack of experience and immaturity on the part of the branch president. i have been in leadership positions in the church and i know that when you see individuals not towing the line you can get critical. “yeah he doesn’t do his hometeaching but yet he sees no problem about renewing his temple recommend … “.
we have to watch out for uncharitable thinking of others and try not to be judgemental of others but i’m sure, at times, it isn’t easy lol !
Quote:what is so hard about being bullied in an lds church setting is culturally we are taught to “endure unto the end” and we go to church come hell or high water. i lived a similar experience. i had become an object of gossip.
I am so sorry about your experience. It is such a betrayal to be treated in such a way by people who should be Christlike. I think people tend to overlook and even underestimate the experiences of people who are mistreated, often they are told outright that it is their fault, and to get over it, without any regard to the real harm that has been done.
In the case of my sister the abuse was more blatant. If the perpetrator could be found and the abuse proven and justice served (3 big IF’s) he would be imprisoned for a long time.
woah not cool. a case of a wolf in sheep’s clothing ? Wolf in sheep’s clothing exactly. The terrifying part is, as far as we can tell, he has never been caught, never been charged, and is still likely a member of the church in good standing. Coming now to a ward near you.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.