- This topic is empty.
-
Posts
-
So here’s the story: I moved into a new ward about 10 months ago. My second child was born, so I flew under the radar for several months. By the time we come back to church after taking care of baby, an acquaintance from our old ward had moved in. This acquaintance of mine is older than me, and also was in my ward when I was in primary/YM (around the time he was in high school and leaving on his mission). Soon after that, he is called as EQP and I get called as his home teaching companion.
I’m in the thick of my faith struggle at this point and have not yet found StayLDS so I still have an ‘all or nothing’ attitude, so I signed up for a PPI to maybe talk through things a little bit. I was actually hoping to talk to one of the counselors as I find the EQP a little ‘zealous’ and the counselors are more down to earth and more balanced (Family/church balance). But as I expected he takes my time slot and we talk, but it was ok because I had been meaning to ask him what motivates him to be that way. His answer was sincere and that’s good enough for me, even though I don’t see things the same way. Next time they send the list around for PPIs, I sign up again, hoping to talk to one of the counselors. I was even planning on telling him that during home teaching, but didn’t get a chance because the appt. fell through. So lo and behold he takes me on again, and at that point, I’m really starting to feel like a project (he had even mentioned to me once that one of his inactive family members was his ‘project’).
So I’m going to talk to one of the counselors and just talk to them at some point, but I hate feeling like a project, especially since everything is going pretty well and I’m doing my calling, got a TR (stopped drinking coffee, BTW!) and whatnot. I’m getting to a spot that I’m more comfortable with with my beliefs and I really feel like the church is a good place for me and my family to be (I’m becoming more and more fond of the church as a temporal organization), but when people with good intentions make you feel like a project, it’s makes it a little harder. Advice?
Congratulations! Make sure you give them their money’s worth. 😆 I would not talk to them about any faith issues, but if you want to ask questions simply about why they believe they way they do, that would be OK — to learn from them. However, be prepared for them to ask you why you are asking them those questions — they might sense a faith crisis and want more information. The more you tell them, the riskier it gets. We have all learned here that to be a full-fledged member of the community, your unorthodox beliefs or faith bare spots can’t be nakedly exposed — or you will lose opportunities and your options will be narrower. I personally leave myself open to launch into full activity again if I want to. Sometimes my wife blows my cover, which is sad, but to the extent possible, I want always to be able to move back into full activity with a renewed perspective that is full of integrity. And sharing doubts or unorthodox coping strategies that run counter to the teaching you hear at Church (even if that teaching is strong local culture and not doctrine) can get you into hot water.
As far as being a project goes — I didn’t get that from what you wrote. But if I ever become a project, my plan is to just stonewall out of the conversation.
I agree with SD. Better to stay under the radar. Is there a chance, he was joking around? Mike from Milton.
doug wrote:Congratulations! Make sure you give them their money’s worth.
😆 I like this.
:thumbup: Mike wrote:Is there a chance, he was joking around?
No, no chance of that.
SilentDawning wrote:We have all learned here that to be a full-fledged member of the community, your unorthodox beliefs or faith bare spots can’t be nakedly exposed — or you will lose opportunities and your options will be narrower.
So I never pipe up in EQ, and that’s probably for the best. I’m not very good at tactfully framing my thoughts into TBM-speak. Not quite sure what you mean what all being a ‘full-fledged member of the community’ entails, but I think I’m settling into a good rhythm with a SS calling and flying under the radar a bit, but I feel like reaching out just to be part of the community. I guess I just have to try to build on non-church related stuff, which should be doable in my ward.
Quote:We have all learned here that to be a full-fledged member of the community, your unorthodox beliefs or faith bare spots can’t be nakedly exposed — or you will lose opportunities and your options will be narrower.
I would rephrase this in the following way:
Quote:I have learned here that to be a full-fledged member of the community, your unorthodox beliefs or faith bare spots can’t be nakedly exposed — or you will lose opportunities and your options will be narrower. You must learn to express and share them in ways that are not seen as threatening, and you must be seen as non-threatening. That generally works only if you find a way truly to speak and act in a non-threatening manner and be non-threatening.
Most of my heterodoxy is not hidden – but I’ve spent decades learning how to make it work that way.
Stop talking to that person about your views, especially in a PPI setting. That’s inviting them into a conversation as your “shepherd.” He’s the EQP, and you are talking to him in a Personal Priesthood Interview about faith concerns / issues. Just keep those focused on your families and your statistics. EQ PPI’s aren’t supposed to delve into your personal worthiness or level of belief. That crosses the line into Bishopric territory. My recommended solution: Ignore him more.
Brian Johnston wrote:My recommended solution: Ignore him more.
Sounds good to me.
:thumbup: What do you mean by statistics?
and I agree with Brian about responsibilities and “interviews” “How you doing?” is fine; “Tell me about your beliefs” is not. You have no obligation whatsoever to talk about your beliefs in that setting.
I usually respond to what I think others’ motives are. If it is a feeling of being a project, I’m not so interested in that, and don’t open up or care much about their projects (because it is really about them, not me). Sometimes people really care about me and are just working from a different paradigm than I am and I accept that and appreciate their display of caring even if I disagree with what they think I need.
If they are doing their best to show they care and you over react about becoming a project, you could push some good friends away because of your own sensitivity.
From your post, it sounds like your EQP is trying to do what he thinks is right, but, yes, is treating you like a project. I’d be polite, but wouldn’t really care to meet with him much. I’d try to talk to the counselors without setting up a PPI.
scooter wrote:What do you mean by statistics?
How often you visited your families. The infamous “percentage home taught” statistic.
Scooter, I imagine you miss connecting with people & are trying to reach out to feel like you’re on the same page as someone else in your ward.
Ideally, we could all be open with what we think & feel, but the reality is that like Nickolson said, some “CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!”
I couldn’t handle too much truth about the church a few years ago… & it took me a while, “line upon line” & I still am relatively clueless!
😆 But when you need to express yourself & feel understood & free to explore thoughts & feelings, we’re here for you!
🙂
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.