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Well… the ward mission leaders just showed up at my home unannounced and invited themselves right in. They wanted to know what they could do to help me and my family. I responded “We are fantastic! Is there anything we can do to help you?” They said that they were here for me and asked why they did not see me at church today. I told them “I decided to take the day off today and it was wonderful!” They didn’t really have much of a response. I hope they don’t make showing up at my door a regular thing… I did not like it. (The RS Pres also came to my house last month to personally invite me to the RS activity, plus people are starting to interrogate my kids!)
The bad news: they care about you. The good news: they care about you.
This sounds like a great opportunity to practice setting boundaries with people at church, and doing so with a smile.
🙂 I would focus on the fact they are reaching out to you. That’s kind of them and shows they are concerned. I wouldn’t like the kid interrogation part, though. What’s your plan for Church now? What place does it have in your life? I’m just curious. Oh Flower, You may want to consider posting a for sale sign out in front of your house. Once your are an “Official” project like it appears you have been declaired, there is no turning back. You should expect a full-court-press from the nurery all the way to the stake presidency. You must ack quickly! Go to another ward for one or two Sundays and request your records be transfered. After that, you’ve got to really do a good job of fakinging it back at your home ward and perhaps you’ll slip off of the radar screen by the time your records come back. All I can say is, “Good luck!” F4H1
SilentDawning wrote:What’s your plan for Church now? What place does it have in your life? I’m just curious.
My kids attend most of the time, and my husband and I attend part time. (My DH doesn’t have the issues I do, he just doesn’t always like going) I currently don’t have a calling. Until recently I thought I had 2 callings! I thought was in charge of girls camp again, but I just found out they don’t need me. I was also the official primary substitute which I loved. I love the kids, and it was fun to be with a different class each week, plus it kept me out of RS and GD class. I use to sub about three times a month, but a few months ago they quit asking me all together. I am not sure why, I am sure I have done nothing that would concern anyone and keep me from teaching. It’s okay though… it’s wonderful to not have all the obligations. I have enjoyed taking a little sabbatical from church. It has been very nice as I have found sitting through church more difficult each week. Almost unbearable some weeks.
I remain somewhat involved. I volunteer to help whenever I can, which I don’t mind at all. For now I plan to continue to attend and associate with the church for the mere fact that I want to avoid the family drama that would occur if I were to not. Both of our families are entirely and completely TBM. As far as the future is concerned… I would like to stay involved just enough to be an advocate for others who struggle.
Fatherof4husbandof1 wrote:Oh Flower, You may want to consider posting a for sale sign out in front of your house. Once your are an “Official” project like it appears you have been declaired, there is no turning back.
Not a bad idea! I’ve spent the last 17 years trying to convince my husband we should move out of state. I have never felt at home in Utah.
Given your goals — if I was in your shoes, I’d do something highly visible that gets you off the service project list. Show up at a service project, volunteer for something. Volunteer to help with an activity. Be really steady at Church for 5 or 6 weeks. Maybe get up and do a love-you-mony in Sacrament meeting, avoiding the things you don’t believe, but commenting on the wonderful people who have served your or something sincere (whatever feels right). I honestly believe its best if you just get off the radar, particularly with how woven the Church has become in your family. Even if it means suffering a bit. That’s what I would do, but what do I know? What kind of job opportunity would get you to consider moving to MO (or Cincinnati, since I have good connections there)? I know two wonderful wards that would love to have a new family move into them. 
(((((HUGS)))))) And I agree with Brian. Boundaries Boundaries Boundaries with a smile. CG
SilentDawning wrote:Given your goals — if I was in your shoes, I’d do something highly visible that gets you off the service project list. Show up at a service project, volunteer for something. Volunteer to help with an activity. Be really steady at Church for 5 or 6 weeks. Maybe get up and do a love-you-mony in Sacrament meeting, avoiding the things you don’t believe, but commenting on the wonderful people who have served your or something sincere (whatever feels right). I honestly believe its best if you just get off the radar, particularly with how woven the Church has become in your family. Even if it means suffering a bit. That’s what I would do, but what do I know?
SilentDawning, this advise is great! (much better than my attempt at comic relief). In fact, yesterday, (Sunday) I showed up early. Smiled a lot, spent time in the foyers (sp?) Had several sincere conversations with several people. Felt really good. Much thanks to all of you here!!!!
f4h1
flowerdrops wrote:Fatherof4husbandof1 wrote:Oh Flower, You may want to consider posting a for sale sign out in front of your house. Once your are an “Official” project like it appears you have been declaired, there is no turning back.
Not a bad idea! I’ve spent the last 17 years trying to convince my husband we should move out of state. I have never felt at home in Utah.
Oregon is a great place to live!
I did my duty yesterday and went to ward council meeting. Of course part of the meeting was going over semi-active and inactive members, and mapping out a plan (making them projects). I told the wife that I would be positive, but it bothered me a great deal. I finally couldn’t take it any longer and made the comment that perhaps these people don’t want to be part of the this church and they DON’T WANT our “help.” Dead silence.
I then asked them why we are doing this. The answers were disturbing to me. I don’t think it really has anything to do with people CARING about the individual in most cases — I think for the most part it is just part of our missionary work/fellowshipping conditioning that kicks in, and we do it because we are suppose to do it.
I don’t know.
cwald wrote:Oregon is a great place to live!
I love Oregon! I have had my eye on this property for two years now. I have even sent letters and spoken to the owner. DH and I will run the trout pond business Mar-Oct, then travel the world during the rainy cold season. The home needs some updating, but the property is paradise. Plus is has a guest home so you all can come visit! Anyhow… one can dream!
http://www.loopnet.com/Listing/15726846/52560-E-Sylvan-Dr-Sandy-OR/ I requested to be removed from the visiting teaching list and I was instantly being made into a project. Fortunately, one of my friends that I served in YW with a few years back is now in the RS presidency. So I set up a lunch date with her and we had a great time. We did talk about some of my concerns, but nothing that would have caused more concern. I then talked to her about getting rid of some of the things that cause me guilt and this was one of them. It was a really good lunch and she felt better about where I was. I told her that I would like things to remain in confidence but I would appreciate them not making me a project. She called me yesterday and let me know that I was no longer a project and that I was just looking for a little “down” time. I think that worked out really well for me. Maybe you could do something like that?
Butters wrote:I requested to be removed from the visiting teaching list and I was instantly being made into a project. Fortunately, one of my friends that I served in YW with a few years back is now in the RS presidency. So I set up a lunch date with her and we had a great time. We did talk about some of my concerns, but nothing that would have caused more concern. I then talked to her about getting rid of some of the things that cause me guilt and this was one of them. It was a really good lunch and she felt better about where I was. I told her that I would like things to remain in confidence but I would appreciate them not making me a project. She called me yesterday and let me know that I was no longer a project and that I was just looking for a little “down” time.
I think that worked out really well for me. Maybe you could do something like that?
Yeah — I’ve noticed that when you uncover the administrative mechanisms behind what they are doing, it tends to end the service project-ness.
On the other hand, I wouldn’t stop recognizing their good hearts in trying to reach out to you, flower. So many other people leave the Church because no one seems to care. Also, there are SO many people, and often, and so many few active people, that it’s impossible to reach everyone. So, if I’ve ever had visits from people in the Ward who are concerned, I usually look at it with appreciation. This happened when I was semi-active. They gave me a good home teacher, the Bishop met with me a few times, the missionaries and ward missionaries came over and visited. I felt like I was part of a community that cared. They weren’t pushy either, which I think is important.
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