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Thanks PiperAlpha & Thankful. I went to church today and left feeling fine. But as I meandered through facebook, I noticed a link called Mormon think…ever heard of it? I read some faith shaking articles about deceptions of Joseph Smith and others and feel sick all over again. Because if those things are true…than I can’t help but feel deceived. Part of me would be relieved if I could believe the church was a fraud and walk away…but I can’t walk away really. I am living in Ut surrounded by my ever faithful Mormon family…My Mom is a Saint, truly. And she loves this church and it would crush her if I left it. I know, I have to live for myself… not to please anyone else, but I’m not sure it would be worth it even if I feel convinced the church isn’t “true”. It has truth, and a lot of good to offer…my children are happy there and I’m careful to “debrief” them if their lesson is harsh or too black and white. This being easily “tossed to and fro” is exhausting, I’m fine and then I’m shaken…over and over again…year after year. I never thought I would be grateful for my husbands loss of faith in Mormonism, but he knows what I’m going through and is so supportive and loving. I will focus on that tonight…I am blessed with a wonderful marriage . We have a thread about Mormon Think. They bill themselves as strictly factual and educational / informational, but everything is slanted negatively. Literally, if there are multiple ways to view something, they will pick the negative one every time. It defiantly had a negative feel to it. I’ve always avoided delving too deep in to church history because I was afraid of what I would find, but I think I need to so that I can make some judgements for myself. I’m so glad to have this sounding board, thank you to the beautiful people who created this site :clap: Old-Timer wrote:We have a thread about Mormon Think. They bill themselves as strictly factual and educational / informational, but everything is slanted negatively. Literally, if there are multiple ways to views something, they will pick the negative one every time.
+1 Mormonthink is run by someone who has openly stated that he wants to expose the church as a fraud. It is a useful resource if you want to read the words of the critics all in one place. But I’d encourage you to try something more balanced. I love Wikipedia for the fact that it has ‘right to reply’ on both ‘sides’ and lots of original sources for its claims. It’s always best to read the full original quote if you can.
Welcome to the site. This has been (and still is) a place of solitude and discovery for me.
My wife went inactive about 3 years ago while I was very TBM. My own FC followed a couple of years later. I still take the kids and my wife attends occasionally. I’ve made peace with my different perspectives to the other members but have found enough in our expression of the gospel to reconcile what I can’t accept.
pentium3 wrote:It defiantly had a negative feel to it. I’ve always avoided delving too deep in to church history because I was afraid of what I would find, but I think I need to so that I can make some judgements for myself.
just don’t run faster than you have strength. All that history isn’t going anywhere…take time to read it but not as a way to feed your anger or frustration that you may feel from all of that stuff never being taught to you by your church that you trusted. Also, realize that if it was all so clearly all proof it is false, none of us would still be here. As Ray said, some groups choose to focus on the negative, others only focus on the positive. So embrace the various views.
Remember that optical illusion of the old hag and the beautiful young lady? It is the same picture. Nothing of the picture changes when you see one or the other. Both pictures are there to be seen. The group seeing the old lady is not wrong, the group seeing the young lady is not wrong, even if the other groups argue loudly or forcefully about it. Keep that in mind as you study from various sources of information.
I think you are doing a good job of listening to your own spirit. These were some things I picked up on in your posts:
– you are in a good marriage (it’s great you see that and you should make those important relationships priorities)
– your mom is a saint – isn’t that something to also consider? How could the church be all bad or false when some devout Mormons especially family who you trust are sincere, can produce good fruits?
– your children benefit from it
– there are things you feel the church has blessed your life – don’t throw those out with the dirty bath water
– you can sense the negativity of some groups or opinions – listen to those feelings and learn from what they are telling you
– similarly, some things you hear at church frustrate you – listen to those also and learn from what you disagree with at church…you can disagree with others at church, it is ok to do so.
– you live in the heart of the culture, and the fact it is all around you makes it hard to escape – that is a good, honest observation. It is a factor on why some people choose to StayLDS
I like how you are taking what you are learning about history and still holding on to your personal experience and clinging to your cultural roots. That is important to keep that perspective as you journey.
Also remember you are not alone, although you may journey alone, so many others have journeyed it also. There is some comfort knowing you can get through it, even if it takes a long time.
I personally liked Rough Stone Rolling as a source of history. It is written to present the things we know have happened, but tries not to draw conclusions about it. I liked seeing the flawed prophet Joseph, and yet think one can still believe he did amazing things, and does not need to be made into the size of Paul Bunyon to be a historical figure of great worth.
Rough Stone Rolling has been highly recommended several times on this site, so I think I will start there…hopefully it is a happy medium between an anti & pro Mormon stance on our history. This is a taxing journey, trying to figure out how to embrace what feels right and let go of what doesn’t. I’ve sat through so many lessons where I’m squirming in my seat, disagreeing in my head with the teacher while what seems like the rest of the room is nodding in agreement. I watch them walk out of church with a smile, and I leave frustrated. But I don’t want to walk away from all the good. I had a wonderful childhood being raised in the church and it has continued to blessed my life because I am determined to live by high standards. There is no other religion out there that appeals to me more, I am a Mormon…just not the same kind of Mormon I used to be. In some ways I’m glad I’m able to look at things with a more open mind…less fear that if I don’t embrace everything I hear I will be damned. But other times I just wish things would have gone as planned…like it is has for most of my family. Thank you all for your support, it has been a spiritual life line for me on my worst days. pentium3, welcome. faith transition over a period of 25 years has been very difficult on my marriage, yet today, it seems better than ever. just 18 months ago we were through, and just six months ago, i still felt completely alone in my journey.
my situation is different than yours, but i do know this: that if i can be honest and positive with my DW about my issues, we have ben able to understand one another better. that seems to make the difference for me.
please see my blog, below, for more on my journey.
Thank you wayfarer…I’ve been reading your blog off and on for the last few days and have found I needed a new way of looking at my belief system. I feel refreshed,lighter and more hopeful than I have in a while. Reading the shared blogs and comments on this site has given me the hope I was so desperately in need of. I feel free to step outside of the box of conventional Mormonism and open my mind to unique perspectives. I’m optimistic that I can be happy and Mormon if I can learn to let go of the all or nothing mentality that has been at the root of my struggles. I believe that I have Heavenly parents & that my family is loved by them..and that they have no intention of separating me from my loved ones for eternity… any suggestions on how to hold on to this feeling of hope while sitting through a lesson or talk that contradicts what I believe? Quote:any suggestions on how to hold on to this feeling of hope while sitting through a lesson or talk that contradicts what I believe?
Take a book to class with you – or, if you don’t want to be that obvious, a hand-held electronic device like a Kindle or something else.
Fall asleep – if you don’t snore.
😳 Find someone else who isn’t all that interested, sit in the back and exchange jokes or interesting stories.
:shh: Write talks about the subject in your head – or think about how you would teach the lesson differently.
:ugeek: There are lots of options other than fuming frustration, but they require you to be proactive and own your attendance.
Old-Timer wrote:Quote:any suggestions on how to hold on to this feeling of hope while sitting through a lesson or talk that contradicts what I believe?
Find someone else who isn’t all that interested, sit in the back and exchange jokes or interesting stories.
:shh: All the others seemed fine. But please not this. It’s really inconsiderate to the teacher and class members who are there to listen.
You’re right, mackay11, so I will modify it: Quote:Find someone else who isn’t all that interested, sit in the back and whisper to each other in a way that won’t distract others.
Old-Timer wrote:You’re right, mackay11, so I will modify it:
Quote:Find someone else who isn’t all that interested, sit in the back and whisper to each other in a way that won’t distract others.
Better still, borrow a crying baby and take your whispering friend out into the lobby to natter there. Otherwise you’re going to have me turning round to glare at you
That’s a great option and one I’ve done quite often over the years – the last time being last month. (taking the crying baby out) One way to keep balanced and calm is to not subject yourself to misery because you feel you have to. This is a new stage of taking ownership of your faith, and so you can allow yourself to do what makes you feel good. You are more apt to feel closer to God wen you are relaxed and calm, not sitting in an assigned classroom and stirring in your seat. I attend class, and when I get to my limit, I excuse myself and go out in the hall. I have yet to find a hallway empty of anyone to talk and visit with.
I can smile, visit with a ward member, and feel much more relaxed and closer to the spirit that I want to have when attending church.
Also, I plan ahead for it a little, and position myself at the back of the room or end of rows where I can make an easy escape when I need to. Just knowing I can leave whenever I want makes me often feel I don’t need to, and I rarely do. But I allow myself to, and it reduces the angst if heading to class.
Today was hard again. The lesson was harsh, despite the teachers efforts to focus on the positive. Talking about who gets assigned where in Heaven and why is no fun, I especially didn’t like the comments. I was so glad my DH wasn’t there. I’m not proving to be very proficient at letting go of the painful doctrine…I have a long road ahead of me I think. Time for a Sunday nap.
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