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Hello all. I am thankful to have found this place. I am a member for 18 years. I would consider myself to have been a follower without question. Although I knew the historical inacuracies and the probability that the BOM is not history I would have gladly stood in front of a train if told to do so. I visited the temple so often that I memorized most of tje script and thought Icould see the hidden meaning in all the endowment acts. This prefaces the shocking event that occurred to me in August of 2010. I had completec theBOM four my 4TH time and was preparing to meet the challenge given me by my non lds aunt to reaf the Bible through as earnestly as I had the Bom. In preparation I had ordered a study bible and was just cracking it open one evening and read 2Peter . I went to bed that evening without incident. The following morning I awoke and something was different. Through my day I found myself with a repulsion toward anything lds related. I this sounds absurd and i do not know what happened to me. I only know that one day i wa lds and felt secure in my eternal destiny and the next day i was repulsed at myself. My beliefs. And just about every book on my bokshelf. Within a few days i had to remove the framed pictures of the temple, the prophets, everything. The Bible brought mecomfort and i soon completed it . I soon found psalm 51 and it has been my daily prayer. I see God so different these days. He has not led me to another church. I am pretty much just in a state of limbo without a chuch family. I continue to read and study the Bible and am so very very humbled at what ithas shown me. I am pretty certain that after this epiphany that I know only one thing to be true . God is an absolute soveriegn god who calls how,when,who and why he chooses. I think of my past aledgiances to quarums, committees and such and cringe. I live only because of His grace . I think the scripture says in Him we live move and have our being. Perhaps if more people took that to heart churches and prophets and such might be obsolete and freedom will come to the soul so weary of perfecting the saints. gtb, first welcome. I’m glad you found us. Next, what you experienced has been experienced by others. It is referred to as a “dark night of the soul”. The link to the post that generated my post to which I am going to link no longer is active, but there is a very brief summary of the concept in my post – and my post deals with why I think I never experienced such a “dark night”.
I hope it helps somehow:
“The Bright Night of My Soul” (
http://mormonmatters.org/2008/06/22/the-bright-night-of-my-soul/ and, fwiw, most of our unique doctrines in the LDS Church come from the Bible, not the Book of Mormon.
Hi. Welcome to our community. I’m a little unclear on the sequence of events. Had you never read the Bible before that day you described? Can you provide more details about what made you think or feel to take down pictures of a temple and feel uneasy about the books on your shelf? It sounds like it was purely emotional and based on some sort of transformation that happen by having physical contact with The Bible.
I may be oversimplifying it though or reading your story wrong.
Welcome to the Group gtb. You have an interesting story.
I’m looking forward to hearing more from you in the future postings.
Mike from Milton.
I’m back. gtb, I keep thinking about your introduction. Ray described it as: Quote:…”dark night of the soul
.
As a Stake Missionary, I remember having a investigator that after hearing the 1st lesson wanted to be baptised.
She had read alot about the church & had friends that were members. She didn’t want to waste anymore time & be baptised.
Maybe it can be described as a “light day of the soul”?
We told her that we needed to teach her all of the lessons before she could be baptised.
I seem to remember that we picked what up the schedule to teach her the lessons over a shorter period of time.
In the end she was baptised & became a strong TB member.
The point I’m trying to make, I would take your next steps slow (or slowly?).
It sounds like you’re deliberate in your approach. Once you make a decision to leave, (or something else), it’s difficult to come back.
Keep us informed.
Mike from Milton.
welcome, gtb. I can say with certainty that your story is different than mine, yet that’s what makes StayLDS what it is. I do wonder, if the bible speaks that strongly to you at the expense of the book of mormon, temple pictures, and all things LDS, then although you’re more than welcome here, is this the right place for you? There are many bible-based churches that provide a lot of community and value, and unless you’re tied here by family or the like, they may speak more to your heart. It’s up to you — I welcome you to stay if you like and share more about your journey. I probably should add that I had the same questions as Brian. I’d like to hear more about your exposure to the Bible prior to the experience you describe, since I had a similarly strong reaction to the Bible that was much more of a “companion” experience than an “oppositional” experience. If you want to share more, that’s great; if not, that’s fine, too. Welcome gtb7697 On the latest ME podcast, Bill or Bob Somebody, made the comment that we need to use the same scrutiny and consistency judging the Bible as we do the BoM. I think if we honestly do that, we will find they both have a lot of problems, along with a lot of good, spiritual truths.
iow —- if one has a problem with the BoM being a historical document and having errors of dogma and inconsistencies, along with a bunch of good spiritual truths, it’s pretty difficult to argue that the Bible doesn’t have the same characteristics.
Now of course, if we are talking about the doctrine that the Bible is inerrant, and is the literal history of the world and perfect, like many Christians claim….no amount of logic or reason will change that kind of faith.
Nor should it. If one want’s to have faith in that.. by all means they are welcome to it.
Thank you everyone on your coments. Although I do feel that opening the Bible that one moment was not the catalyst but rather the mindset I had in my approach to truth in that moment. I had indeed read the Bible as all members do along side Gospel doctrine I believe that the marked difference was that I was not approaching my reading with any preordained study in mind or as I had in the past I was not seeking to find my lds faith in the scriptures. To answer one of your questions I am here to find out why I had this experience perhaps through speaking with others who may have found themselves suddenly bare naked before God. At first I found myself content in this state of limbo and began to seek out lds and nonlds alike. I more often then not have been met with questions of what do I believe or what church I should go to .Everyone seems to want to put me in their box and tell me that God wants me to join with them . In the caseof lds friends I have lost a few and others have not found it neccessary one way or the other to make a decisionon our friendship. I also wanted to clarify that I removed books and photos from my home out of a neccesity. I dont know how to put it any other way but bluntly. Those very things which formerly brought me comfort now gave me the creeps. I dont think that these actions speak to whether or not I should leave the church . I suppose figuring that out is a reason I am here. I hold on to sentmental feelings yet at the same time I am moving into certainties on other issues,doctrines and such. I dont have amnesia and recall very vividly my love for Joseph Smith. The Book of Mormon and so many other pearls of the church. This is why Iam here. I have had the love of my soul taken from me and waiting on the Lord to tell me why has become heartbraking.
That makes a lot more sense. Thanks for the additional information. The “Dark Night of the Soul” was described by St. John of the Cross back in the 16th Century. He was a Catholic Priest, of the Carmelite order. He was put imprisoned by his fellow Carmelite priests who didn’t like his ideas and reformation attempts. While in prison, he wrote a poem about spiritual growth amid the darkness of night – then he wrote a treatise about the poem. It’s about experiencing a sudden loss of connection to God, especially when things that used to bring great comfort (like prayer) suddenly cease to work and actually create a sense of separation. (For example, he references Jesus on the cross saying, “My god, my god, why hast thou forsaken me.”)
One of his major contentions was that nobody can understand God fully until they’ve experienced such a withdrawal – kind of like “there must needs be opposition in ALL things” and D&C 19’s statement that Jesus suffered the complete withdrawal so we don’t have to do so if we accept his suffering.
I read the Wikipedia version some time ago, when the post I mentioned earlier was written, and it’s a pretty good summary. I would recommend starting there and using the references as a launching pad. It’s pretty dark (no pun intended), and it can be difficult to read (and I don’t agree with everything he says in the poem and the treatise), but it is enlightening and thought-provoking.
Ray, I have read over the treatise and can tell I will be spending much time with it . I fell as though it is tellimg my spiritual story. That should be embarrasing to admit but true nonetheless. Ican see how perhaps my life was building to that moment when I was snatched as I sometimes refer to my dark night.
Here is a link to a free online copy of the works of St. John of the Cross: http://www.karmel.at/ics/john/dn.html I found a lot of value in his writing. A couple years ago, I used to carry a copy of it in my church bag to read when I needed to mentally be somewhere else (like a boring lesson, or something causing me to be upset). There are is a lot of deep wisdom in it.
Thanks for clarifying more about your journey. We are all so different. It’s good to hear how others experience these similar transitions in different ways.
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