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Just wanted to share something that happened to me a few minutes ago. Background1) There is a family in our neighbourhood. They are arrogant. They tend to be self-serving and often unkind. Highly competent, good looking people, and they have children the same age as mine. My one child comes to me regularly with stories of nasty things they say — honest things, but showing tendencies toward self-serving and definitely arrogant behavior. They seem to lack self-awareness as most arrogant people do.
2) Also, years ago, I experienced a person who left me feelign like dirt every time I talked to him. He thought highly of himself, and a friend helped me put a label on his behavior — arrogance.
Since then, I’ve had low tolerance for such people — I keep away from them, I never complement them as it only fuels their superiority complex, and in my mind, have taken lots of opportunities to reflect on their behavior in a judgmental way. I have angst — lots of it — toward those kinds of people given the experiences I’ve had with them in the past.
The ExperienceWell, today, one of the members of the family called me and asked me to help him with something. He knows I have some specialized skills in a certain area, and two years ago, asked me to help him by employing those specialized skills — the only time I ever talked to him up to that point. I’ve seen him in the neighbourhood since then, and he ignores me — has no interest in any kind of conversation or any sort of relationship. Well, this morning, as I was writing in another thread, he calls me — first time he’s reached out to me in two years. He needs me to help him again using my specialized skills, except on a much grander scale. He could’ve paid someone to do it at the place he bought his materials for the project, but instead, chose to save a few dollars and ask me to do it for free.
For a second I was about to make up an excuse about why that wasn’t possible to help him — he was arrogant, self-serving and was only using me for my specialized skills. There was no interpersonal interest — it was simply because he wanted something. And I have angst toward such people.
Then, I did what I think might be a Stage 5 way of thinking — I said “Yes” to helping him. And my reason — because I am a charitable person — I stand independent of his arrogance. I won’t let his arrogance stand in the way of an opportunity to share my talents with others. He probably isn’t even aware of his arrogance.
So, I did it for him — took me about 45 minutes. And I feel good about it. And I actually felt better about him when it was over. I don’t care if he appreciates me as an individual — what I did was another building block in my quest for charity and kindness.
I wonder if perhaps we should look at the Church in the same way — on those issues which cause us angst. Don’t let cultural norms, behavior of other people, etcetera interefere with the expression of your character — your service, your willingness to help others, your goodness.
Granted, I probably have a way to go in my label of him as arrogant, which is the majority of my impression of him, but I felt that what I did today represented progression towards standing independent of the behavior of others in expressing Christlike character….
Picture me with a huge smile on my face, clapping my hands before beginning to type. 
What a great attitude to have! I kept thinking of Luke 6:30-36 as I was reading your post: Quote:Give to everyone who asks of you. And from him who takes away your goods do not ask them back. And just as you want men to do to you, you also do to them likewise. But if you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. And if you lend to those from whom you hope to receive back, what credit is that to you? For even sinners lend to sinners to receive as much back. But love your enemies, do good, and lend, hoping for nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High. For He is kind to the unthankful and evil. Therefore be merciful, just as your Father also is merciful.
I too have experienced a lot of satisfaction when I’ve reached out to those who seem most undeserving of my love. My problem is that I tend to be overly submissive, allowing people to walk all over me – and since being a disciple of Christ requires that we love our enemies, sometimes I wonder if I’m simply enabling these types of (arrogant,etc.) individuals to continue engaging in this sort of behavior. I was told that one of my main iniquities is cowardice. I often know when it would be more loving to call people out on their mistreatment of others but fail to do so because I want to maintain a “nice” persona and want to avoid the feeling of having others dislike me. One woman in the community told me that cowards will not enter the Kingdom, but I still couldn’t seem to bring myself to overcome this iniquity.
kira wrote:What a great attitude to have! I kept thinking of Luke 6:30-36 as I was reading your post:
Quote:Give to everyone who asks of you. And from him who takes away your goods do not ask them back. And just as you want men to do to you, you also do to them likewise. But if you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. And if you lend to those from whom you hope to receive back, what credit is that to you? For even sinners lend to sinners to receive as much back. But love your enemies, do good, and lend, hoping for nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High. For He is kind to the unthankful and evil. Therefore be merciful, just as your Father also is merciful.
I too have experienced a lot of satisfaction when I’ve reached out to those who seem most undeserving of my love. My problem is that I tend to be overly submissive, allowing people to walk all over me – and since being a disciple of Christ requires that we love our enemies, sometimes I wonder if I’m simply enabling these types of (arrogant,etc.) individuals to continue engaging in this sort of behavior. I was told that one of my main iniquities is cowardice. I often know when it would be more loving to call people out on their mistreatment of others but fail to do so because I want to maintain a “nice” persona and want to avoid the feeling of having others dislike me. One woman in the community told me that cowards will not enter the Kingdom, but I still couldn’t seem to bring myself to overcome this iniquity.
My problem is the other way — I tend to be ungiving to people who have offended me, or who are arrogant. I personally would have no compunction about eventually telling these arrogant people that I was unable to help them if their self-serving requests for help started to be too frequent, or too demanding. In this case, it was a request once every couple years, with some arrogant behavior/indifference thrown in, in between. Relatively inconsequential….
I’m not sure about the “cowards not entering heaven” comment. While I think living the gospel requires courage, and often standing up for yourself, I think the Lord will look at our entire package of characteristics when it comes juddgment day. Will anyone be perfect on that day? I doubt it.
However, i think being assertive is a wonderful quality and one that is important in religions where service is a foundational component. I assert myself to my peers and the people I’ve led a number of times, but have had trouble asserting myself to my leaders. I will probably be more assertive in the future….but not to the point it intereferes with my own development. My little story about the arrogant neighbour is a good example of assertiveness which needed to be checked lest my non-cooperation cankered my heart…
What a great example. Thanks for sharing that experience. I think even sometimes when there is forced or obligated service to others it helps us feel better inside, and better towards others, independent of the activity itself or the people involved. Those are times I see so much value to staying connected with church stuff, even when I see some church stuff as silly.
I would say that was a stage 5 thought/action. Eventually perhaps we will get to where we have more stage 5 thoughts/actions than stage 4 thoughts/actions, and we can say we have entered the realm of stage/state 5 faith. 
Very well said. Thanks for that! Dude! I finally got around to reading this thread. That was simply brilliant! As I was reading your experience leading up to that crucial moment, I thought for sure you were going to tell him off. Wow. That was totally one of those “Buddha in your path” moments. Thanks for sharing that personal experience. Yeah I’m really not that enlightened when it comes to helping the arrogant. My family from the time time they joined the church and left Switzerland have walked this path. Maybe in the pre-existence we just made the cut. This one got me just just a bit SD because I hate arrogant people and find myself helping them all the time. I’m a janitor for a school district. I work around people every day who think I’m stupid, lazy, etc. I constantly surprise them something I know that they do not and find myself helping people who consider them my better. The funny thing is I grudging find myself helping people all the time and going the extra mile to do so. I just recently helped my boss who on many levels I cannot stand with her son’s wedding. I guess that’s why Han Solo was always my favorite Star Wars character. He didn’t have the cool spaceship nor Jedi powers but he was always finding himself in the thick of it.
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