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I think I freaked my DH out a little on Sunday. 
Background: I’ve been on this journey for a year now (seems longer). I have never once skipped church and I have been in leadership positions the whole time and continue to fulfill my callings. I haven’t told anyone about anything except DH (I’m not sure how many people he has told, though).
So, I haven’t really been talking to DH about any of this anymore…not since he talked to his sister about me. He works all the time anyway, so it’s not like we really have time to talk. I figure this is my journey and he clearly wants to remain TBM right now. I don’t think he wants me confusing him or giving him cog dis about stuff.
Sunday evening I went to another church after attending ours like normal. I was curious and I am in need of something more in my spiritual worship. I felt wierd and nervous about it so I was kinda dumb and didn’t tell him until I was heading out the door.
DH says to me that night that it is “inevitable” that I will leave the church. He says that is the road I’m on and that this is all happening so fast.
I’m thinking that this is all going pretty slow and I haven’t done anything extreme other than take a more laxed approach to the garment upon occasion.
I’m not dead yet and I can’t predict the future. I’m only in my early 30’s!
Is it inevitable that I will leave the church? It is my home and family. However, my beliefs are so different that I just don’t know what’s going to happen.
Quote:Is it inevitable that I will leave the church?
Absolutely not. To say it a bit differently, abso-freaking-lutely not.
If you need any practical proof of that, look around you here. Most, if not all, of us who have moved through Stage 4 generally or completely still are solidly living within the framework of the Church – and I’m still very visible in my wards and stakes through my callings. I’m not the only one of whom that is true.
If there is one common goal of the admins at this site, it is to show that faithful members of the LDS Church can be exposed to and understand everything that can cause someone to struggle and still be committed to the Church as OUR community AND/OR Mormonism as our personal faith. Sure, my views on certain topics are radically different than those of many other members, but that doesn’t have to keep me from full participation in the Church or acceptance of the Gospel. It just requires I construct a faith and perspective I can claim as my own – and I personally LOVE the overall, cosmic, ever-expanding, uplifting, enlightening, open-ended theology of what I consider to be pure Mormonism FAR more than any other such theology I have encountered. Fwiw, I’ve encountered just about everything worth encountering as far as organized religion and theology and philosophy goes – and I really do love what I consider to be pure Mormonism.
just me – I agree with Ray. Nothing is inevitable. Your DH was probably just freaked out that you didn’t tell him what you were doing. We attend other churches’ services from time to time because there is a cultural interest or to hear the music or just to feel uplifted, not instead of attending our regular meetings either (usually on vacation in our case). Being interested in spirituality is a good thing. Enlightenment comes in many forms and can reinforce your faith. Invite your husband to go along next time. Or talk about what you liked and didn’t like about what you saw. I guarantee it was the fact you did this without saying what you were doing. He was surprised. Surprise in marriage is never good! Thanks you guys. I was so nervous I didn’t know what to say. Plus I wasn’t even sure I’d have the guts to go in the service. LOL DH has actually been to this church for seminars and such. He knows people who go there. They have a Thanksgiving Day service that I think would be neat to attend as a family. I just feel like he makes fun of me for my exploration. Like, I tried to show my family how the Jews celebrate Rosh Hoshana and him and my mom pretty much made fun of it (at first). It makes me feel self conscious and dumb. I’m not sure how to get over that. This is all very personal and important to me and it is hard when people I love treat it like it is silly or stupid.
Maybe I should tell him that…..
just me wrote:I just feel like he makes fun of me for my exploration. Like, I tried to show my family how the Jews celebrate Rosh Hoshana and him and my mom pretty much made fun of it (at first). It makes me feel self conscious and dumb. I’m not sure how to get over that. This is all very personal and important to me and it is hard when people I love treat it like it is silly or stupid.
This makes me sad to hear the that the people who you most care about make you feel self-conscious. I’m sorry for you.When I hear this, and I’ve felt it recently from my family, it makes me think how people would persecute and ridicule Joseph Smith for having new ideas. Ironically, now LDS members seem to do this too at times. It shows people are people, and we have some of those in our church too. But there is still the need to seek for greater knowledge and enlightenment in our lives. Why does more knowledge of Rosh Hoshana from our ancient Jewish heritage become something to be mocked?
Perhaps you can show your family that as you find spiritual nibblets from all these sources, it helps strengthen your current knowledge of LDS theology, not inevitably leads you away. That makes NO sense to me that an honest search for goodness will lead away from the church. I think that goes against mormon doctrine that things are inevitable. Free agency allows us all to draw closer to God and find strength from above. Nothing is inevitable. My prayers go to you in your difficult situation. Don’t let others bully you into deviating from what you feel will help you in your journey, and take advantage of opportunities to share what you learn with them.
What Ray said. Ditto for what Ray said. It is however, likely that you won’t ever have what we normally characterize as the TBM mindset again. I don’t mean this as a label for anyone in particular, or in a negative way, but just as a way of thinking. just me- I feel for you. This system of codependency that we all engage in is at the root of your DH’s issues. The over-arching ideal of the TBM is perfection: perfect marriage, perfect family, perfect obedience, perfect HT, perfect attendance, etc., etc. Any crack in this image of perfection is seen as a threat, an attack. So, your DH, your in-laws, whoever, will react with defensive force, mocking, shaming, scaring, guilting, whatever the emotional abuse du jour is.
Don’t take it personal. It’s not about you. It’s about them. They’re scared of their own image. Not anything to do with you. They’re scared that they’ll have to face the knowing glances at church, in EQ, in RS, or whatever, that they don’t have the “perfect” family.
You’re threatening the image they’ve worked their whole lives to establish and maintain. Ultimately, it doesn’t even have to do with theology. They’ll say it does, but really, at the end of the day, it’s about their image.
Sorry to be so blunt, but it’s so common and so pervasive that it becomes quite obvious at some point. Take care of yourself. You can’t control what they think, so don’t even try. Take care of yourself. (did I already say that?)
What they all said! The codependent homogenizing that is so prevalent in the church is nauseating sometimes! We are all on our own journey, and if another professes to know yours…well, that’s HIS problem!
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