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Post crisis I discovered that I am strongly INFP in personality. Although borderline on the Introvert so I can start to drift into ENFP which accounts for my strong and often outspokeness on Feminist/LGBT issues. My wife is ISFJ and very much a Guardian and Protector of family stability, culture and tradition. These two personality dynamics have obviously come into conflict somewhat over the last few years since my faith transition. I think these personality dynamics make it challenging for me to reconstruct my faith and they also keep her on the defensive seeing my new liberal attitudes and outspokeness as a threat to stability and continuity in the church and in our family. With these dynamics in mind I think there are barriers in me moving forward in faith reconstruction as well as strengthening my marriage but there may be opportunities as well. I’m not going to give up on either especially my marriage. I appreciate any help, suggestions or input on the issue of personality dynamics and marriage strengthening as well as faith reconstruction.
Yes. Generally Healers and Idealists have a tough time with Guardians…whether it’s in marriage or work or politics etc. Btw…we’ve had several thread about personality types over the years. They are pretty good threads…I think Hawk did some research about personalities and how it affects church membership etc.
There is also a thread where staylds participants all took the Briggs Meyers test…kinda fun.
Ps. INFP here.
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My wife is istj and I’m intp. SJ and NP can have issues but honestly I think its the difference I find attractive. I don’t know. I’ve just had to learn to find other places to share my deeper thoughts. I love my wife but she gets frustrated with my abstract thinking and I get frustrated with her worrying about who’s going to do the dishes or exactly how much money we have and trying to hint at things(which I don’t pick up well).
I think she’s generally OK with my belief changes as long as I demonstrate they aren’t a threat to our family’s stability. Fortunately she puts family before church.
I think the key is that in addition to religious things, I also ramble on about random science stuff all the time. She usually finds it interesting, but too much work to really understand and she usually shuts off. But at least she knows its just my personality and I’m not just obsessed with religion or the church. As an infp it’s a bit different. Generally you probably want to make moral, rather than logical stands on issues. But you’re going to base it on a universal morality and she’s going to base it on the structure she’s been taught. But I’ve found a lot in the church that I see as truth, even if the whole story isn’t. So I try to focus on that.
With mbti as well its important to note that you aren’t set in stone, its just you are predisposed to acting a certain way. We should all try to develop the other side of ourselves and become a more complete person. I can learn a lot from SJs. By marrying someone so different I hope some of her qualities rub off on me. Mainly time management and not walking around with my head in the clouds all the time.
So I would view your personality type as a starting point, not a track you’re stuck on forever. “God made me this way” isn’t a good reason to not change, assuming the change would make you a better person.
Just my 2 cents.
I’m IJLF – I Just Like Food. Don’t know what any of that other pig Latin is. There are over 100 comments in this old thread about this issue. It’s a good read, and I think it’s extremely relevant to faith crises, specifically, and dealing with different personalities, in general. http://forum.staylds.com/viewtopic.php?f=9&t=568&hilit=briggs My mother is ISFJ. She really struggles dealing with change, and she can be very emotional but introverted about it. She’s not one to really get into fights, on the upside. Type is just one aspect of a person, though, and nobody is that type to a T. There’s plenty of nuance going on. They say opposites attract, so that’s probably how the two of you got together!
I’m of the view that one should get to know a person’s (their own) personalities from a variety of perspectives. I have done Meyers Briggs and also the Gallup Strengths Finder and the Big Five. They all tell a different version of the same story…. I’ve taken multiple personality tests over the years, and I agree with Silent Dawning. People should take various tests and see what they say in the aggregate. They all are approximations, and piecing together the insights from multiple perspectives is a good way to understand better. (Sound familiar?) Every test I’ve ever taken has put me somewhere in the middle, with some stronger tendencies but no dominant ones. I show as being about as balanced as it is possible to be (surprise, surprise
😆 ) – and, interestingly, that balance has kept me from being offered at least two jobs to which I applied (in sales), even though I had been highly successful in those exact fields, since the companies were looking for people who tested as extremely aggressive.Bias and human psychology are fascinating things.
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